FIFA, you son of a terrorist whore!

You remember that saying about how "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me," right? Because apparently FIFA doesn't.

They've handed Marco Materazzi a two-match suspension for his part in the incident that led to Zinedine Zidane getting sent off in the World Cup final. Zidane, meanwhile, has been given a three-match suspension, which doesn't mean much, seeing as how he's retired from football. They've also both been fined -- 7500 Swiss francs for Zidane and 5000 Swiss francs for Materazzi.

So what FIFA is saying is that calling somebody names is almost as bad -- two-thirds as bad, to be exact -- as headbutting them.

Really.

What kind of precendent are they setting here? I'm just waiting for the next England-Portugal game, so that Wayne Rooney can punch Cristiano Ronaldo in the face and then excuse himself by saying "But ref, he called me a poo-poo head!"

Trash-talking has always been part of the game. Yeah, sure, it would probably be better if it you could get rid of that. But where do you draw the line? And how do you enforce something that's going to always come down to one player's word against another's?

FIFA and the various national FAs have been attempting to stamp out racist remarks -- either on the pitch or in the stands -- and that's great. In fact, they should be coming down even harder on it. But both Zidane and Materazzi have stated that there wasn't anything racist in what Materazzi said. So what did he do that was worth a two-match ban? Because it seems to me that FIFA is punishing him simply because he had the temerity to insult the great Zizou -- and mess up their precious World Cup in the process.

Going out with a bang

At least it was a memorable game, from Thierry "Victorian maiden" Henry needing smelling salts to Zinedine Zidane being sent off to end his footballing career.

In between there was a penalty that shouldn't have been given but was, a penalty that should have been given but wasn't, a dynamite header from Materazzi -- to make up for conceding the penalty -- and another Italian goal being disallowed for offside. And every once in a while some decent football broke out. The referee, Elizondo, even managed to keep his cards in his pocket for the most part, despite players crumpling to the ground à la Cristiano Ronaldo all over the pitch.

But the only thing people will really remember is that head-butt. You have to wonder just what Materazzi said to Zidane to set him off. I assume it must have been pretty nasty, but nobody's really talking. And regardless, reacting like that is just stupid. It's the World Cup final, Zidane is 10 minutes away from possibly lifting the trophy as the final act of his footballing career, and instead he gets sent off for a moment of such blinding idiocy that even Wayne Rooney would say, "I think you've lost the plot there, mon ami." (This is assuming that Rooney knows any French, which probably is asking too much.)

Anyway, now the rumours are swirling around about what was said and why he did it. Who knows, really. Maybe Zidane figured that if Figo could get away with it, so could he. Maybe he was just having a nic fit.

And just to add the final touch of absurdity, Zizou has won the Golden Ball. Which just goes to show that voting on these awards before the final game is over is kind of dumb. Well done to FIFA for that one. Pouting and winking apparently disqualifies you from winning the Best Young Player award, but head-butting someone is peachy keen.

Despite all the drama, I'm glad that Italy won -- if for no other reason than the fact that their celebration was so incredibly gay. I thought that France were the better team in this game, but Italy were better over the tournament as a whole. (But weren't they supposed to be crap at penalties? What happened to that?)