Champions League Matchday 2: September 30-October 1

Aalborg 0-3 Manchester United
A goal for Wayne Rooney, two for Dimitar Berbatov, thank you very much. Let's all just forget about that weak draw with Villareal, shall we? I think it's safe to assume that Celtic are going to be eliminated at the group stage, as per usual, and based on this performance Aalborg really aren't much of a threat, so no worries until the knockout rounds start. Now United just need to get things sorted out in the Premiership.

Liverpool 3-1 PSV Eindhoven
Well, Robbie Keane scored his first goal for Liverpool. And his goal celebration looks just as stupid as it did when he was at Spurs. I think Jamie Carragher needs to sit him down and have a word with him. Or, you know, just take a look at Steven Gerrard, celebrating his 100th goal in a Liverpool shirt. The knee-slide is always a classic. (Thank god he's stopped that back-patting thing he was doing for a while.)

Arsenal 4-0 Porto
Blah blah beautiful football blabbity blah talented youngsters blah blah blee. Y'all know it's only a matter of time before Van Persie is broken again.

Cluj 0-0 Chelsea
Is it bad for me to be disappointed that Didier Drogba isn't more seriously injured? Probably, yes. Anyway, yay Cluj! Long may you inspire bad vampire-related puns in the sports media.


Group A
Cluj 0-0 Chelsea
Bordeaux 1-3 Roma

Group B
Anorthosis Famagusta 3-1 Panathinaikos
Inter 1-1 Werder Bremen

Group C


Sporting Lisbon 2-0 Basel
Shakhtar Donetsk 1-2 Barcelona

Group D
Liverpool 3-1 PSV Eindhoven
Atletico Madrid 2-1 Marseille

Group E
Aalborg 0-3 Manchester United
Villareal 1-0 Celtic

Group F
Fiorentina 0-0 Steaua Bucharest
Bayern Munich 1-1 Lyon

Group G
Arsenal 4-0 Porto
Fenerbahce 0-0 Dynamo Kyiv

Group H
Zenit St. Petersburg 1-2 Real Madrid
Bate Borisov 2-2 Juventus