Champions League Matchday 4: Manchester United 4-0 Dynamo Kiev

There's not a lot to say about this game. It was a comfortable win for United, against decidedly inferior opposition. United are now the only team in the competition with a perfect record so far, and they've guaranteed their place in the last 16 with two games to spare.

Dynamo Kiev still don't have a single point, but they put up a bit of a fight at the beginning of the game, until Gerard Pique broke the deadlock with a header from a free kick that had pinged around the box and off the back of Carlos Tevez. And it was Tevez who scored the second goal, just six minutes later, winning the ball in his own half and exchanging passes with Wayne Rooney before unleashing a powerful shot.

The stats said that United had had a quite incredible 75% of possession by halftime, and although they were slightly less dominant in the second half, they didn't need to be. Dynamo Kiev had a few decent chances but failed to capitalize, which could have changed the game. Wayne Rooney added a third goal in the 75th minute with a perfect volley from Nani's cross, and Cristiano Ronaldo finished things off with a late goal, dinking inside from the left wing and firing it into the far corner.


And in the other games:

• Lyon 4-2 Stuttgart: Lyon took an early 2-0 lead, but Stuttgart twice pulled within one goal of a draw before Juninho's late goal guaranteed the win that kept their hopes of progressing alive.
  
  
• Barcelona 2-0 Rangers: Barca consolidated their position atop Group E with a straightforward victory, with Rangers unable to repeat their stubborn performance of two weeks ago.
  
  
• Sporting Lisbon 2-2 Roma: Roma opened the scoring in the fourth minute, before Sporting bounced back with two goals from Liedson. But they were denied the three points by a heartbreaking last-minute own-goal that allowed Roma to equalize.
  
  
• Inter Milan 4-2 CSKA Moscow: Inter went behind 2-0 within the first half-hour, but came back to equalize almost immediately and then went on to score twice more and maintain their position at the top of the group.
  
  
• Fenerbahce 2-0 PSV Eindhoven: Fenerbahce widened their lead over PSV in Group G with two first-half goals and moved closer to qualifying for the next round for the first time.
  
  
• Steaua Bucharest 0-2 Sevilla: Two goals from Renato were enough for Sevilla to defeat Steaua Bucharest, who have yet to earn a single point in the group.
  
  
• Slavia Prague 0-0 Arsenal: Arsenal fielded a weakened team and were unable to do more than draw in Prague, but they've qualified for the knockout stages nonetheless after this uninspiring result.

Champions League Matchday 3: October 23-24

Besiktas 2-1 Liverpool
OH MY GOD LIVERPOOL. I MEAN, OH MY GOD.

Also, poor Sami Hyypia. That's two own-goals in less than a week -- although I don't think this one was his fault, exactly, just comedy defending all around. Their previously rock-solid defence has gone a bit wonky in the past few games. They seem to get panicky -- kind of like England, actually, and I suspect for the same reason: they don't have the confidence that if they do concede, they'll be able to pull one back easily enough. They had plenty of possession in this game, and in fact plenty of shots on goal, but without Fernando Torres they didn't have the necessary touch of class up front. There's no question that they're missing Agger and Alonso as well (I can only assume Xabi's not quite match fit, because otherwise there is no reason for him not to have been on the pitch tonight), but that's not a good enough excuse for the way they wasted their opportunities here. Gerrard finally found the net in the 85th minute, but it was far too late, as Besiktas had already added a second goal by that point. Liverpool do still have a chance to make it out of the group stage, but they'll have to win all three of their remaining matches to do that, which is a tall order unless they can step up their game. A lot.


Dynamo Kiev 2-4 Manchester United
First of all, kudos to the TSN braintrust for lopping off the first 10 minutes or so of each half, just so they could be sure to have enough time for their hockey pre-game show. On top of that, the picture kept cutting out, and all the players looked vaguely green. But I suppose I should just be grateful that they picked up the broadcast in time to see United's opening goal. Anyway, I thought that United played pretty well, although they were helped by some terrible defending by Dynamo. The Ukrainians put together some decent play of their own -- United won't be happy to have given up those two goals -- but whenever United attacked they seemed to be happy to just sit back and watch. Dynamo were a bit unlucky to concede the penalty for United's fourth goal, but honestly I'd almost say that the scoreline flattered them, because they were so dire at the back. You barely noticed that United had had Paul Scholes and Patrice Evra added to their growing list of injuries.


Chelsea 2-0 Schalke
Blah. Another solid but hardly inspiring performance by Chelsea. The game was essentially over after Malouda's early goal slipped right through the keeper's hands. There was another goal for Drogba (who else) later on, and decent penalty appeals for both sides, but I found it extremely hard to care. Instead, I am wondering: what happened to the supposed revolution at Stamford Bridge? Because the new Chelsea looks remarkably like the old Chelsea -- dour but effective -- so what was the point of sacking Mourinho? (Apart from, I guess, the unforgivable sin of criticizing John Terry.) Where is the sparkling entertainment that the emperor Roman promised us? We've got the bread, but what about the circus? (Also, I'm curious about what's going on backstage that means Sheva only gets a late cameo every now and again. Unless it's just a cruel reminder that he's cup-tied and can't stroll back to Milan in January.)


Arsenal 7-0 Slavia Prague
Well. I kind of don't know what to say about that. Arsenal were just stunningly good. I think that Slavia might have been quite bad, too, but it was hard to tell because Arsenal didn't give them much chance to be anything else. By the second half they were clearly just playing for fun, and they still went out and scored four more goals. I am kind of terrified about Liverpool having to play them this weekend. Just imagine Theo Walcott up against Sami Hyypia. That's not even fair.


Group A
Beşiktaş 2-1 Liverpool
Marseille 1-1 Porto

Group B
Rosenborg 2-0 Valencia
Chelsea 2-0 Schalke

Group C
Werder Bremen 2-1 Lazio
Real Madrid 4-2 Olympiacos

Group D
Benfica 1-0 Celtic
AC Milan 4-1 Shakhtar Donetsk

Group E
Stuttgart 0-2 Lyon
Rangers 0-0 Barcelona

Group F
Dynamo Kiev 2-4 Manchester United
Roma 2-1 Sporting Lisbon

Group G
CSKA Moscow 1-2 Inter Milan
PSV Eindhoven 0-0 Fenerbahçe

Group H
Sevilla 2-1 Steaua Bucharest
Arsenal 7-0 Slavia Prague