Pardon this interruption

I was at BMO Field last week for the Toronto FC game against New York Red Bulls (a 1-1 draw; it was a cold, rainy evening, and I drank a lot of overpriced beer to keep warm). During the game, as usual, the fans in the south stand were throwing streamers at the New York players whenever they went to take a corner kick. One of them, in fact, ended up running around the field for a couple minutes afterwards without realizing that he still had a streamer wrapped around his waist. I thought it was funny, but then I don't claim to have a sophisticated sense of humour.

And then I came across this, in which some tool on ESPN rants about how fans shouldn't be throwing things on the field, because it makes the league look unprofessional, and it made me think. Do I agree with him? (Well, obviously not, since I'm referring to him as a tool, but let's look at his argument anyway.)

First of all, he's got an unexplained hate-on for soccer, describing it as a "junk product." And I don't think what he means is that MLS less good compared to the big European leagues; he just hates soccer, period. So he's biased, but whatever. His main argument is that you don't see anything like the streamers in the major American sports leagues (baseball, basketball, football); therefore, it makes the MLS look bad. It's a pretty insular point of view. He's obviously never seen a South American football game, where things get thrown on the pitch all the time -- and not just streamers, but everything up to and possibly even including the kitchen sink. And that sort of interaction from the fans is part of the atmosphere at the games. Reproducing that, even in a small way, makes Toronto FC games better, not worse, as anyone who knows anything about the sport will tell you. Next this douchewad is going to claim that the fans shouldn't sing, or bring flags to the stadium, because that's not how they do things in the good ol' U. S. of A.

But what about the argument that it's interfering with the game? I can't find the link now, but I did come across someone who said that they'd never let the fans get away with throwing streamers at someone who was about to take a penalty kick, for example. Maybe not, and I don't think they should. But fans will yell at penalty-takers to put them off, and that's fine. It's just trying to mess with their head. And that's really what the streamers are about too. They're not actually expecting that someone's going to trip over a streamer and fuck up the corner kick (although, if that did happen, damn right I would laugh). All the players have to do is wait for the streamers to be thrown, clear them away, and then take the kick. And the game goes on, and it's all the better for the fans not just sitting there like lumps.

Champions League Semi-Finals - First Leg

Liverpool 1-1 Chelsea
Gah. Liverpool were so close. Agonizingly close. Maybe 10 seconds away from winning the game when John Arne Riise had a massive brain-fart and put the ball into his own net (I believe in technical terms this is known as "pulling a Djimi Traore"), gifting Chelsea a thoroughly undeserved equalizer.

What makes it worse is that things had been going pretty well up to that point. Chelsea started the game more strongly, but Liverpool stayed organized at the back and got into the match gradually. They were the better team from about the 30-minute mark onward, starting with a great chance for Fernando Torres when Steven Gerrard played him in on goal, only to take one touch too many and scuff his shot.

The increased Liverpool pressure paid off just before halftime, as Xabi Alonso took a quick free kick, releasing Dirk Kuyt down the wing with the Chelsea defenders switched off. The ball pinged around and eventually fell to Javier Mascherano, whose attempted shot ballooned up over Claude Makelele's attempted interception and fell to Kuyt, who slotted it past Petr Cech.

The goal also highlighted the main difference between the teams, which is that Liverpool's midfield was bossing the play; I thought that Xabi was especially good, whereas on the other side, Frank Lampard was clearly off his game (understandably so, since his mother was deathly ill, and in fact has just died). That continued in the second half, too, with Chelsea reduced to just hoofing the ball up to Didier Drogba and waiting for him to fall down. The annoying thing was that Drogba got most of the calls in his favour, whereas Torres was fouled constantly and got nothing.

The key moment may have been with half an hour left, when Fabio Aurelio went down with a groin injury and had to be substituted. Meanwhile, Chelsea brought on Salomon Kalou in place of Joe Cole, and it was Kalou who provided the cross that led to their goal. They started to put more pressure on Liverpool from about 75 minutes on, although Liverpool still had chances to put the game away, including a great shot from Gerrard in the 84th minute, which Petr Cech just tipped over the top corner, and a point-blank shot from Torres in stoppage time. (Cech made some good saves, but Torres wasn't quite on; 90% of the time he'd have put at least one of those away.)

And then, in the fifth minute of extra time, disaster: A cross from the left wing, Nicolas Anelka coming in at the back post, a misguided attempt at a clearance, and the ball is headed into the Liverpool net. RIISE, YOU BRAINLESS GINGER BUFFOON. THIS IS WHY FOOTBALLERS ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE TWO FEET. I mean, he practically had to get down on his knees to reach the ball; just use your right leg, for fuck's sake. It was an absolutely devastating way to end the game: a massive boost for Chelsea, and demoralizing for Liverpool.

They went from a one-goal lead and a vital clean sheet to a draw, which means that now they need to score (possibly more than once) at Stamford Bridge, which is something they've never done before under Rafa Benitez. But looking on the bright side, Liverpool were certainly the better team here, and there's no reason why they can't reproduce that next week. (Riise's undoubtedly going to be the scapegoat if they do get eliminated, but to be fair I should point out that Liverpool also really should've scored more than just the one goal.) Plus, Chelsea are now the favourites, and Liverpool do seem to like being the underdogs. They tend to pull out their best performances when they've got their backs up against the wall.


Barcelona 0-0 Manchester United
CRISTIANO RONALDO, YOU OVER-GELLED GOOBER. YOU DON'T CHANGE YOUR PENALTY TECHNIQUE IN A CHAMPIONS LEAGUE SEMI-FINAL. HAVE ALL THE HAIR PRODUCTS ROTTED YOUR BRAIN?

Ahem. Sorry, I am yelly this week. But it's incredibly frustrating to see a chance like that thrown away. Manchester United get awarded a penalty right at the beginning of the game, after a handball in the box, and rather than firing the ball low and hard into the side netting like he's been doing all season, Ronaldo decides to try and chip it into the top corner -- and instead sends it wide. I believe this is a lesson in the dangers of over-confidence (not that I really expect it to have much impact on Ronniecakes' phenomenal arrogance, but anyway).

And that ended up being one of the few goal-scoring chances that United had all game. Barcelona pulled their heads out of their asses for this game and decided to actually play like they cared. They thoroughly dominated the game -- it was almost like they were playing keep-away with United -- but despite all their possession and shots on goal, Barca lacked much of a cutting edge; Edwin van der Sar barely had any real saves to make.

United played like...well, like Liverpool, actually, with just about everybody back behind the ball defending. You'd think a lineup that included all three of Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney and Carlos Tevez would have been more attacking, but Rooney was basically playing as a midfielder, and in fact I think Ronaldo and Tevez were too. I wonder what difference it would have made if Ronaldo had scored that penalty: if United would have been even more paranoid and defensive, or if they would have taken confidence from that and gone forward more. (Of course, this would depend on them actually being able to get the ball away from Leo Messi & co.)

I think Nemanja Vidic's absence also had an impact on their strategy, because it meant Wes Brown shifting to centre-back and Owen Hargreaves to right-back, which both weakened the defence a bit and also deprived them of a real ball-winner in midfield. Anyway, this one is finely balanced going into the second leg, although United just about have the edge, thanks to that clean sheet, although Ronaldo should still be kicking himself over that penalty miss. (Actually, United should've had a second penalty, for a foul on Ronaldo by Rafa Marquez, but they were never going to get it. And Barcelona could have had one as well, after Rio Ferdinand brought down Samuel Eto'o.) Anyway, I am just hoping that next week's game is a bit more interesting, because really, who would have thought that Liverpool v. Chelsea would be the more exciting match-up?


Finally: Thumbs down to the ESPN half-time and post-game analysis. Which is basically four guys in a studio, with not enough time to really say anything, and nothing insightful to say even if they did have time. (Shaka Hyslop is just as bland as his Guardian columns. And Tommy Smyth? Bothers me even more when I have to look at his smarmy little face.)

Champions League Semi-final: Chelsea 1 - 0 Liverpool

I presume that Steve Finnan was still bothered by the neck injury that's kept him out of Liverpool's last couple games, so Arbeloa slotted in at right-back, leaving a space in midfield for Bolo Zenden. For Chelsea, Paulo Ferreira got the start at right-back -- although I had the impression that Mourinho inexplicably hated him; Ricardo Carvalho proved to be fit to start and had a strong game in the centre of defence.

Liverpool looked nervous from the outset, giving the ball away far too easily. Chelsea had the better of play in the first 20 minutes or so, building up to the game's only goal. Most of their chances throughout the match came from long balls up to Drogba (and although I agreed with Rafa's decision to start Agger, I wonder if they missed Sami Hyypia's physical presence in the air). But this one, ironically, started with Carvalho bringing the ball out of defence and playing a pass through for Drogba to run on to. Agger was right with him, shoulder to shoulder, but Drogba used his strength to turn back inside and cut the ball back across to Joe Cole, who'd got a yard ahead of Arbeloa and slid in to poke it past Reina. Yes, it could've been tighter defending from Liverpool, but it was also just good play by Chelsea. Agger had a tough time dealing with Drogba all game -- well, who could blame him -- but at least he didn't look like he was going to crap his pants the way Philippe Senderos usually does.

So, yeah, Drogba was probably Chelsea's best player, but this game also reminded me how much I really, really dislike the guy. Considering that he's 6'2" and built like a tank, he sure does fall down easily. And whine a lot about how he's getting pushed around -- despite the fact that he was getting the calls in his favour, while down at the other end of the pitch, Peter Crouch would do the exact same thing and get penalized for it. The whole Chelsea squad just came off as a bunch of whining babies, really. The intrepid John Terry was still yammering away at the referee when the final whistle blew.

Like I said before the game, the problem for Liverpool was where the goals were going to come from. Up front, Craig Bellamy's main contribution was being flagged offside -- perhaps as a misguided homage to Pippo Inzaghi -- and showing off some equally misguided facial hair. (Other dodgy fashion choices: Claude Makelele's yellow boots, Steven Gerrard's hair.) Anyway, Bellam did nothing, Kuyt worked hard as usual but I'm not sure if he had a shot on goal. They really only forced Petr Cech into one oustanding save, from Steven Gerrard volley. Chelsea, in contrast, made Pepe Reina work a few times to keep his team in the game.

Liverpool had a better spell to start the second half; it helped that they brought on Peter Crouch for Bellamy, which allowed them to use the long ball as an outlet like Chelsea were. In the first half, they'd tried to play the ball through the middle a lot, and it didn' work. I've read a lot of comments that Xabi Alonso had a bad game, but I thought he was fine -- although, to be honest, I'm biased. Against a team like Chelsea, who you know are going to pack the midfield, you have two options: try to force your way through (which is hard, because they're very strong) or play around them and use the wings.

With Gerrard nominally playing on the right but drifting inside a lot, they had no outlet on that flank, which meant that everything went through Zenden on the left. He worked hard all game, but he strikes me as sort of a Dutch, left-footed version of Darren Fletcher -- in other words, the quality just wasn't there. They didn't have many other options for the left wing, since Gonzalez is still kind of lightweight for games like this, but in retrospect I wonder if they would've been better off starting Jermaine Pennant there. He did eventually come on in place of Alonso, but it was too late at that point.

Chelsea have the edge going into the second leg; although a one-goal deficit is hardly insurmountable for Liverpool, they'll be hampered by the lack of an away goal. If Chelsea manage to score at Anfield, which is not exactly unimaginable, that means Liverpool have to score three. And that, I think, is really stretching it. (A note for next week: according to the UEFA website, away goals count after regular time but before extra-time and penalties. So 2-1 to Liverpool after 90 minutes does them no good.) They did manage that 2-0 win over Chelsea in the league back in January -- they need a repeat of that performance, but Chelsea were missing half of their back line at that point. I am very, very nervous about next week.

You may have noted that I didn't bitch about the ESPN commentary in my recap of the Man Utd game; no such luck on Wednesday, because the game itself wasn't enthralling enough to keep me from noticing how annoying they were. I could have done without Seamus Malin rhapsodizing about John Obi Mikel (who, to be fair, had quite a good game, but still, shut up), or reviving the endless debate playing Steven Gerrard on the right. Here's a hint, guys: maybe he's not getting the ball much out there because HE'S NOT THERE TO GET IT. Steven, baby, learn to play your position. Please. If only so that these knobs will SHUT THE HELL UP. Also obnoxious: the "game recap" package 15 minutes into the second half. After they already showed highlights at halftime. Does ESPN think that their entire audience is suffering from short-term memory loss? Maybe some sort of post-traumatic thing brought on by having to endure the commentary. I don't know.

Random year-end news

Steven Gerrard has been awarded an MBE in the New Year honours list, for "services to sport." So, you know, good for him. It's encouraging that you can be named to the Order of the British Empire for, essentially, being a ginormous spaz.

Also encouraging: The Guardian apparently despises ESPN's football coverage as much as I (and all right-thinking people everywhere) do.

And closer to home, remember how Toronto FC was having open tryouts? The results are in, and one player -- Jamaal Smith, an 18-year-old defender from Mississauga -- has made the final cut. Personally, I think that Sportsnet missed a trick by not televising this. It could have been like our own little version of Football Icon, except with Craig Forrest instead of Jamie Redknapp.

Champions League Matchday 6

Group A
Chelsea 2-0 Levski Sofia
Barcelona 2-0 Werder Bremen

It seems that Ronaldinho is back to his best, and that means Barcelona are too -- even with half of their offence out injured. His ridiculously cocky free kick in the opening 15 minutes -- plus a possibly offside goal from Eidur Gudjohnsen -- means that Barca have survived to the next round. Werder Bremen dominated in the second half but the final ball just wasn't there, and it was too late by that point; they'll have to settle for intimidating teams in the UEFA Cup.

At Stamford Bridge, Chelsea earned the top spot in the group thanks to two rarities: goals from Andriy Shevchenko and Shaun Wright-Phillips. Awww, they let SWP out to play! Isn't that sweet?


Group B
Sporting Lisbon 1-3 Spartak Moscow
Bayern Munich 1-1 Inter Milan

Bayern clinched first place with their draw against Inter, who are also through to the knockout stages. Spartak Moscow squeaked into the UEFA Cup by beating Sporting.


Group C
Galatasaray 3-2 Liverpool
PSV Eindhoven 1-3 Bordeaux

Liverpool had already guaranteed themselves first place in Group C, so they fielded their B team (or, as YNBA put it, "Robbie and the kids," which is also the name of my new band) against Galatasaray. And it seems their thing to do in Istanbul is to concede three goals, except this time without the miraculous comeback and all that. You will note that they were also wearing ugly kits -- not as bad as the yellow ones, but still not good, and not even Xabi Alonso in white shorts will convince me otherwise.

Meanwhile, Bordeaux earned themselves a place in the UEFA Cup with a win over PSV. They will now go on to get slaughtered by Werder Bremen or something.


Group D
Olympiacos 1-1 Shakhtar Donetsk
Roma 1-0 Valencia

TSN, for whatever reason, chose to show the Roma-Valencia game, and I chose to watch it in the mistaken belief that it would be interesting, with Roma's place in the knockout round still up for grabs. Yeah, not so much. Instead, most of the interest came from wondering (a) how many ways Shep Messing could find to screw up the players' names ("Toe-ti," anyone?) and (b) just what kind of a name is "Shep," anyway? (It sounds like a name for a dog, not a person!)

Roma's win means they go through to the next round behind Valencia, while Shakhtar Donetsk are in the UEFA Cup, and Olympiacos are out.


Group E
Dynamo Kiev 2-2 Real Madrid
Lyon 1-1 Steaua Bucharest

Lyon and Real Madrid are both into the knockout rounds after drawing; Steaua gets the consolation prize of the UEFA Cup.


Group F
Manchester United 3-1 Benfica
Copenhagen 3-1 Celtic

Memo to Sir Alex: SACK UP. How many times is he going to fool around with 4-5-1, marooning Wayne Rooney out on the wing, before he realizes that it just does not work? Benfica's goal did come against the run of play in the opening half-hour, but United were still playing way below their potential. After that Fergie realized they were going to have to attack the game, grew some balls and switched back to 4-4-2. And lo and behold, they took Benfica apart. United managed to finish on top of the group, despite wasting their chances to kill things off in the last two matchdays.

In the other game, Copenhagen took advantage of Celtic's continuing dreadful away form in Europe, but it wasn't enough to keep them from finishing bottom of the group.


Group G
Porto 0-0 Arsenal
Hamburg 3-2 CSKA Moscow

The thing about the final round of group games is that you get some matches where everything is up for grabs, so it's utterly insane, and then other matches where there's nothing to play for, so it's utterly boring. And then there are other matches where everything is up in the air and yet they're just insanely boring, like Arsenal's goalless draw with Porto. Apparently the Gooners had a grand total of one shot on goal. Still, they finished top of the group, so maybe Thierry Henry will stop whining for a day or two.

Porto are through to the next round as well, as CKSKA Moscow lost; Hamburg finally managed to grab some points in their last match, but they're out nonetheless.


Group H
Anderlecht 2-2 AEK Athens
AC Milan 0-2 Lille

Milan have somewhat made up for their crappy domestic season by qualifying at the top of the group, despite the loss to Lille, who are also through. Hapless Anderlecht wasted a 2-0 lead against AEK, who go on to the UEFA Cup.

Champions League Final

Barcelona 2 - 1 Arsenal
The dream final, they called this one. And it was memorable, but not exactly for the reasons everyone expected. Ronaldinho was merely good but not brilliant. Thierry Henry failed to score in what was probably the most important game of his career. And then there was that inevitable moment of lunacy from Mad Jens when he hauled down Ludovic Giuly.

All credit to Arsenal, because they certainly didn't play like they were a man down. They even went ahead, thanks to Emmanuel Eboue diving on the edge of the Barcelona box, and Sol Campbell heading the resulting free kick into the back of the net. And they could have extended their lead, if not for some missed chances in the second half. But the Gunners just couldn't hold out long enough, and when Samuel Eto'o finally slipped through the defence to equalize in the 75th minute, you could almost see the fight drain out of them. It wasn't a surprise when Barcelona scored again less than five minutes later.

After that Barca just held onto the ball and ran down the clock, but up until then it had been a fantastic game to watch as a neutral. Barcelona and Arsenal are supposedly two of the most stylish teams in European football, and there was certainly some pretty passing, but also lots of scything challenges -- although the pouring rain probably contributed to that. I half expected to see pairs of animals lining up along the touchline.

The good news for England fans is that Sol Campbell was solid at the back, so he's probably not going to have another wobbly in the next couple of months, and Ashley Cole looked good as well (aside from his ridiculous chin pubes; what, he couldn't find time to shave properly during all those months he was out?). The bad news is that they'll have to face Henrik Larsson when they play Sweden, and he's the one who created both goals for Barcelona.

You know, I like Thierry Henry -- he's extremely talented and he usually seems like a classy player. So I'm disappointed that he decided to take a page out of Jose Mourinho's Big Book Of Whiny Crybaby Excuses, and blame the referee. Yes, the refereeing wasn't great, but I think the errors were pretty evenly balanced against both teams, and the biggest one -- sending off Lehmann -- Terje Hauge got right. He could have held off on blowing his whistle, let the goal stand and shown Lehmann a yellow card instead, but the red card was fair, and frankly I think that Barca would have won anyway. Maybe Henry should spend less time pointing fingers and more time wondering why he couldn't score, even when he was one on one against the keeper.

The broadcast also reminded me (as if I needed any more reasons) how much I hate the ESPN feed. For this game, in addition to Tommy Smythe, rapidly becoming a caricature of himself, and Janusz Michallik, who's just as useless as a pitchside commentator as he is in the booth, we were also treated to Marcelo Balboa, former U.S. national team member and giant tool. His main contribution was enthusiastically defending Eboue for diving to win the free kick and then slamming Deco for trying the exact same thing later in the game. Also: Anthony LaPaglia as halftime analyst. WTF. Please tell me this isn't what I have to look forward to for the World Cup.