The magic of the FA Cup...or not.

I would like to tell you that this year's FA Cup Final was a riveting match that encapsulated all that's best about the game, but that would be a big fat lie. I watched with a few of my teammates, and we were all more interested in rehashing our own game from the night before than watching Portsmouth and Cardiff swat ineffectually at each other. I suppose it was still better than the Manchester United-Chelsea bore-off the year before, but that's not really saying much.

Portsmouth obviously had more quality in the their lineup than Cardiff did, and they were largely controlling the play through midfield. Cardiff did a decent job of containing them, but it didn't seem like they particularly cared about winning the game themselves. And it still came down to just one goal for Portsmouth -- through a goalkeeping blunder, but not even a really good one like the keeper accidentally throwing the ball into his own net.

I don't know, it was all just a bit flat, and it certainly didn't help that Fox kept cutting away to commercials instead of showing any of the pre-match stuff or more than about 15 seconds of the trophy being handed over. So much for match atmosphere. (Well, we did get plenty of shots of that fugly shirtless fan with the braids, but I for one could have done without that.)

More enjoyable, at least in my opinion: Toronto FC versus Columbus on Saturday afternoon. Yes, even though it ended scoreless. And even though Guillermo Schelotto is a diving, whiny asshole who embodies every negative stereotype of Latin players. It's a bit disappointing that Toronto couldn't win, but a nil-nil draw is a decent result against the top team in the league. And I didn't get rained on; what more can you ask for, really?

Seriously, though, having been to BMO Field a few times in the past month, it's starting to feel much more homey to me. It's a nice, friendly little stadium to watch a game in. (And my own team gets to play there this weekend, which is going to be kind of cool.)

FA Cup Quarter-finals

Manchester United 0-1 Portsmouth
Well, bugger. Somehow you could just tell that this wasn't meant to go United's way. From that early penalty shout to the endless missed chances to their keeper being sent off, it was like they were jinxed.

The shove by Distin on Ronaldo was one of those incidents where, as everyone says, if it had been outside the box it would've been a free kick. In which case it should have been a penalty. I think, also, that if it had happened a bit later in the game, the referee might have given it, but because it was so early, he just didn't have the balls to make that call.

Getting that penalty and a goal might have helped United by forcing Portsmouth to come out and opening up the game, but regardless they still had more than enough chances to score and just couldn't put the ball in the net. Portsmouth had a few decent chances too, before their penalty, but overall United were thoroughly dominant and only denied by a combination of unfortunate finishing and some mind-boggling goal-line clearances.

The decisive moment came in the 77th minute, when Tomasz Kuszczak -- who'd replaced Edwin Van der Sar at half-time -- rushed off his line to take down Milan Baros. The red card may have been harsh, since there were two men back defending and they got the penalty anyway, but more than that I'd say it was a foolish challenge. I mean, come on, it's Baros: the odds are in your favour if you just let him take the shot.

Anyway, Rio Ferdinand went in goal to face the penalty, and he did guess the right direction but didn't get close to making the save. It was all over after that, try as United might. The FA Cup was admittedly their third priority this season, but it's still disappointing not to have a chance at that trophy -- or the treble -- anymore.

But at least they're in good company. Barnsley, this year's official giant-killers, followed up their defeat of Liverpool in the last round by knocking out Chelsea. Last year's winners, like United, put out a pretty solid team, but unlike United they simply didn't play well, and Barnsley outworked them to earn the win. In the other two matches, Cardiff eliminated the only other Premiership team, beating a thoroughly mediocre Middlesbrough, and West Brom defeated Bristol Rovers in the only game that wasn't an upset.

Actually, I think that United getting knocked out here wasn't such a bad thing, because if they'd lost to one of these other teams later on, everybody would have mocked them, and if they'd won the whole thing, everybody would have despised them (despised them more, I suppose). Getting rid of the big teams may be bad news for the clubs like Aston Villa that had been chasing the UEFA Cup spots -- because it's not spots, plural, anymore, it's just one spot -- but I think it's brilliant for the FA Cup as a competition. I will be cheering for Barnsley from this point on, if you're interested.

Other results
Barnsley 1-0 Chelsea
Bristol Rovers 1-5 West Brom
Middlesbrough 0-2 Cardiff

Semi-finals
Portsmouth v West Brom
Cardiff v Barnsley

FA Cup Fifth Round: February 16-17

Liverpool 1-2 Barnsley
I don't know how many times I can keep saying the same things: "They didn't play badly, but..." "It's not a bad result, but..." But, but, but...it's not good enough.

I've seen other people complaining about the lineup that Rafa put out, but I didn't have a problem with that; even without Torres and Gerrard, they still ought to have been able to win, and win easily. The one player I would quibble about, though, is Itandje in goal. When do you decide that he's simply not good enough, even as a backup keeper? Because I think he was at fault for Barnsley's first goal, where he started to come for the ball and then got caught out of position.

Liverpool did have lots of chances, but were foiled by a combination of (a) very good goalkeeping by Luke Steele on his debut; (b) woeful finishing -- I lost count of the number of scuffed shots; and (c) hordes of Barnsley players flinging themselves at the ball for crucial blocks. Barnsley worked their asses off for 90 minutes and thoroughly deserved that fairy-tale last-minute winner. But Liverpool should also be questioning themselves for not taking advantage of more of the chances they created, and also for not creating better chances. If you're up against a team that's packing players into the box, then you need to find a way to draw them out, find space and attack quickly, leave the defenders chasing you around the pitch.

So, the Champions League it is then. No problem. Liverpool just have to get past the best team in Serie A. Shouldn't be too difficult for a club that can't even beat a mid-table Championship side.

Incidentally, on the Xabi Alonso watch (because I have my little preoccupations; bear with me), I thought he had a pretty good game. Aside from, um, losing the ball in the buildup to Barnsley's winning goal. Of course, that doesn't matter at all, because it just means he won't play against Inter on Tuesday. Yay for rotation.


Manchester United 4-0 Arsenal
Ahahahahaha, fantastic. That certainly cheered me up after the Liverpool game. (Sadly, Sarah probably hates me this weekend.) And it's a great psychological boost for United as they try to close the five-point gap on Arsenal in the league.

I was skeptical about the lineup, particularly with Cristiano Ronaldo not even on the bench -- apparently the poor baby had a tummy-ache. But Arsenal fielded an understrength team too, without Adebayor and a few other first-string players. I think Fergie and Arsene were playing a calculated game to see which of them could weaken his team the most and still win. The answer, clearly, was not Arsenal.

United were two-nil up within the first 20 minutes, helped by some less than stellar Arsenal defending that let both Wayne Rooney and Darren Fletcher score from headers. Neither of them is, as far as I know, supposed to be particularly good in the air. Although to be fair to Arsenal, it seems that we got the Scotland Darren Fletcher (i.e., the one that's not crap) rather than the Man Utd version.

Nani added a third goal before halftime, and more than made up for Ronaldo's absence with a couple of juggling exhibitions later in the game that were basically designed to make Arsenal look like idiots. Emmanuel Eboue had been sent off early in the second half, too, for an inexplicable lunge at Patrice Evra, and United seemed to be playing for fun after that. They were springing Arsenal's offside trap easily all game, and the final score could've easily been six-nil if some of those passes had been a bit better weighted or Rooney's first touch more assured. They did manage to score a fourth, though, and the fact that Darren Fletcher got two goals says it all, really.


Other results
Preston 0-1 Portsmouth
Sheffield United 0-0 Middlesbrough
Cardiff 2-0 Wolverhamption
Coventry 0-5 West Brom
Chelsea 3-1 Huddersfield Town
Bristol Rovers 1-0 Southampton

Quarter-final draw
Sheffield United/Middlesbrough v Cardiff City
Manchester United v Portsmouth
Bristol Rovers v West Brom
Barnsley v Chelsea

Hairstyles and other randomness

I didn't see any of the FA Cup games, but I don't think I missed much, because all of them went pretty much as you'd expect. Even Liverpool going behind twice to Havant & Waterlooville was typical of the way they've tried to make things as hard as possible for themselves this season.

(And now Man United have been drawn against Arsenal in the next round. Wonderful. Maybe their strikers can bitch-slap each other some more.)

Actually, the result I found most interesting was from Serie A, where Milan won at the San Siro for a change and are finally showing signs that they might not utterly waste Paolo Maldini's final season. (Less time with the hair gel and more time with the shooting practice, boys. Thank you.) Their two goals came courtesy of Pato, the Rossoneri's latest saviour, who is adorable but needs to do something about that fro. (Don't be taking styling tips from Ronaldo, kid. Either the fat one or the pouty one.)

Also: Ashley Cole = all class.

FA Cup 3rd Round: January 5-6

Pity Fabio Capello: he watched the same two games that I did this weekend. What an excellent introduction to English football.

Aston Villa 0-2 Manchester United

Ah, the magic of the FA Cup. 80 minutes of punting the ball aimlessly forward, interspersed with wondering why Michael Carrick was seemingly only capable of passing to a teammate if he was facing back towards his own goal. Followed by 10 minutes of the Rooney and Ronaldo show, plus a cameo contribution by Ryan Giggs, who up until then had been largely useless.

(Also, thumbs down to Ronaldo's new slicked-back 'do. It doesn't make you look cool, Ronnie. It only makes you look like more of a wanker.)

Luton 1-1 Liverpool

No 5-3 thriller this time, sadly. That was just plain shit.

Liverpool fielded a reasonably solid lineup that should have been good enough to win. I don't have a problem with Rafa for that. I do have a problem with him failing to recognize that the team wasn't getting the job done and shaking things up -- not to mention some puzzling substitutions. Ryan Babel, admittedly, had a bad habit of running into a mob of defenders and losing the ball, but the few times when he didn't do that, he looked like Liverpool's most dangerous player. So of course Rafa took him off, in favour of Voronin. If you need a goal, why would you turn to a plodder like that? Especially when you've already got Dirk Kuyt on the pitch, showing off his work rate but not much else. And then Mascherano for Xabi Alonso, who's probably not 100% fit and had picked up a yellow card, but was nevertheless way more effective than Lucas, who was getting pushed around way too easily. The whole team had that problem, actually: losing possession constantly, and not getting stuck in enough to win the ball back. So, yeah, Rafa let the game get away, but the team let him down too, because this one should've been over by halftime, not heading for a replay at Anfield.

FA Cup Final: Chelsea 1 - 0 Manchester United

Well. That kind of sucked. And I'm not just saying that because my team lost. But the game seemed kind of anti-climactic, with both teams seeing it as nothing more than a consolation prize. And it was roughly one-tenth as exciting as last year's final between Liverpool and West Ham.

I've seen various comments blaming the pitch at Wembley for the dullness of the game, and it may have been a factor, but I think the real problem is that Sir Alex got his tactics wrong. United lined up in a 4-5-1 to match Chelsea's formation -- which means that they essentially played right into the opposition's hands. Trying to out-Chelsea Chelsea is hardly ever a good idea; Liverpool can do it, yes, but United aren't designed that way.

Plus, using Wayne Rooney as the lone striker nullified one of their biggest assets. Rooney's at his best not when he's playing with his back to goal but when he has some room to run at the defence and get up a head of steam. He made a few surging runs where you could see the potential, but generally he didn't have enough support from the rest of the team, and although he worked hard, he inevitably got frustrated.

As for the supposed Player of the Year...Ronaldo wasn't terrible, but he didn't have a great game either. Paulo Ferreira, who was covering him most of the time, did play reasonably well, but Ronaldo still ought to have been able to do more against him. I think this is what Ronaldo needs to add to his game next season: learning how to cope when the defenders are trying to stifle him, and to step up in the really big games. Although he's been absolutely brilliant in some matches, he hasn't been consistent enough when it counts. But I think he's a smart enough player -- and Sir Alex is a smart enough manager -- that he'll figure it out, just like this season he figured out how much more effective he could be if he stayed on his feet.

There weren't that many notable incidents in the game, but the big one, of course, was that play where Giggs forced the ball -- and Petr Cech -- into the net. And I hate to admit it, but I think the referee got it right. First things first, the ball was definitely over the line. But it was only over the line because of the way Giggs slid into Cech. I suppose then maybe it should've been a free kick for Chelsea, but it wasn't an intentional foul. Now, United are claiming they should have had a penalty, for Essien tackling Giggs from behind. But I've watched the replay a few times now, and I'm not sure there was enough contact to give a penalty. I do think it put Giggs off, though, just enough that he scuffed his shot -- if he'd connected cleanly, then it almost certainly would have been a goal.

I'd predicted before the game that it would probably go to penalties, and I was almost right. Drogba finally broke the stalemate for Chelsea five minutes from the end of extra time, playing a neat one-two with Lampard -- quite possibly the first useful thing Lampard had done in 120 minutes of football, if you exclude smashing a free kick into the wall and looking huffy -- and then clipping the ball over Van der Sar (who arguably could have done better in coming out to close him down). If anybody was going to score for Chelsea, you just knew it was going to be Drogba; he lifted them yet again here, just as he's done all year.

So. A disappointing way to end the season for United, but I still think I'd take the Premiership title over the two cups.

FA Cup Semi-final: Manchester United 4 - 1 Watford

This was actually a more nerve-wracking game than the scoreline suggests -- mostly due to the gaping holes where the United defence used to be. With Neville, Vidic, Silvestre and O'Shea all injured, they started the game with a rejigged back line that included Patrice Evra at right-back. (You do see right-footed players at left-back quite often, but they're usually competent with either foot. Evra? Not so much.)

And then they lost Rio Ferdinand to a groin strain in the first half, which meant another reshuffle, with Evra moving to the left and Heinze in the middle (Why didn't he start there, you ask, and then move Wes Brown to right-back? Heinze does play centre-back for Argentina, after all. Well, yes, but it's on the left of a back three. And I don't think he's quite tall enough for a traditional centre-half.) Oh, and then we had Darren Fletcher at right-back. That's the sort of thing that makes me pine for John O'Shea -- although Fletcher did acquit himself reasonably well.

Having said all that, United got off to a good start with an early goal from Rooney, and were continuing to pile on the pressure. But then, to compound their problems at the back, Van der Sar got whacked in the face (part of the treatment involved getting what looked like tampons shoved up his nose) and was still looking a bit groggy when play restarted and Watford scored, with a quasi-bicycle kick from Hameur Bouazza. I have to wonder if Van der Sar might've saved it in other circumstances -- and he didn't have the best game again on Saturday -- but then again, with the way Kuszszszak has played recently, they were probably just as well off leaving Van der Sar in.

United recovered the lead almost immediately, with Rooney setting up Ronaldo. Rooney was United's best player, and he, Ronaldo and Alan Smith were combining well. Smith has surprised me, actually -- I didn't see him as the ideal choice to play as the lone striker, but he's been very good in the past couple matches. Although there were a few chances in this game where I thought he should have taken a shot instead of trying to set Rooney up for the hat-trick.

Watford started the second half much more strongly, keeping United pinned back for quite a while. The makeshift defence were having real trouble dealing with set pieces and clearing their lines, especially against a big, physical team like Watford -- every single one of their players apparently built like a built shithouse. But Rooney scored again for United to give them some breathing room, and there was even a goal for Kieran Richardson, coming on as a sub -- in both cases, Watford guilty of some shocking defending of their own, as they were giving United acres of space.

I guess it was a comfortable win in the end, but now I'm nervous about how United will do in the next few games, until they can get a few more players back from injury. Come back, John O'Pies! All is forgiven!


In the other game, fucking Chelsea beat Blackburn 2-1, although they had to take the game to extra time to do it. Mourinho, predictably, is whining about his team being tired from playing so many games, and I have no sympathy whatsoever. Especially considering that United are playing in exactly the same number of competitions right now.

I will grant you, though, that it's probably less tiring to build up a three- or four-goal lead and then coast than it is to scrap your way to a last-minute winner the way Chelsea always seem to do. But I guess we can't all win 7-1.

Pop! Bam! Pow!

Not a whole lot going on this week, and what little there is, really isn't much to do with the beautiful game. Let's start with the FA Cup quarter-final replays from Monday, where Man United beat Middlesbrough 1-0 with a penalty from Cristiano Ronaldo. Of course it had to be him, because what we really needed was another installment in the endless "Diver, or just kind of a brat?" debate.

From my perspective, Woodgate clipped him from behind. There's not much contact, but it's probably enough to earn you a free kick anywhere else on the pitch, so yeah, it's a penalty. Can we move on now? (Answer: No. Especially not if you're James Morrison, who decided to take his frustration out by chopping down Ronaldo at the end of the game, and got sent off for his trouble. That's one less name on my List Of Players I Randomly Like.)

In the Chelsea-Tottenham replay, meanwhile, the forces of evil triumphed 2-0 with goals from Andriy Shevchenko and Shaun Wright-Phillips. If I was Jose Mourinho (horrible thought), I'd be doing my best to convince Sheva that every game was a cup tie, because that seems to be the only way he'll perform. It's a bit odd.

As for the Spurs fan attacking Frank Lampard, it's already been discussed to death, I know, but...well, I thought it was funny. Yeah, you don't want crazed fans running on to the pitch, blah blah blah, but god knows the sight of Lampard strutting around with his shirt off (seriously, why does he always do that?) was enough to make me want to smack him.

My own team actually got into a bit of a fight with our opponents the other day. Largely due to this one guy from the other team who totally lost it and had to be pulled off our player by two or three other people...which then everybody else got dragged into, à la Chelsea v. Arsenal in the Carling Cup. Except without Emmanuel Eboue being a cunt. But it was interesting to feel how easily all the adrenaline that gets built up during a game -- even a supposedly recreational one -- can boil over into aggression like that. I would've quite happily hit someone in the heat of the moment. Probably best that it didn't come to that, though, because I have a nasty suspicion that I punch like a girl.

The FA Cup and, um, some other stuff

Middlesbrough 2 - 2 Manchester United
Not a bad game, but I would have enjoyed it more if (a) I hadn't been quite so massively hung over and (b) United hadn't contrived to nearly fuck it all up. Please learn to defend set-pieces, boys. It'll make life so much easier for all of us.

And don't think I didn't notice you lining up with Wayne Rooney on the left again. I can only assume that the formation (sort of a 4-2-3-1) was designed to minimize the impact of having to play John O'Shea in midfield, but that still doesn't explain why you'd play both Rooney and Ryan Giggs out of position in the process. And yes, I will keep harping on this until Sir Alex stops doing it. Sorry, but it's Monday and I'm cranky today.

Finally, George Boateng needs to stop whining about the penalty. This is not like the rec league I play in where they let girls use their arms to protect their boobs. In the real world, if you raise your arms to block the ball, and it hits them, it's handball. End of story. Suck it up and take the shot to the face. I'm sure that making it through to a cup semi-final would've dulled the pain.

Other results
Plymouth Argyle 0 - 1 Watford
Blackburn 2 - 0 Manchester City
Chelsea 3 - 3 Tottenham

I didn't see any of the other FA Cup matches. But I did catch a couple of other very good games instead:

• Barcelona 3 - 3 Real Madrid: Which featured three goals in the first 12 minutes, Barca going down to 10 men before half time when Oleguer was sent off, a complete and utter lack of defending by both sides, Iker Casillas making his Iker Casillas face roughly 10,000 times, Leo Messi being amazing and scoring a hat-trick, and the GolTV commentators having an aneurysm live on camera.
  
  
• Inter 2 - 1 Milan: Which featured Ronaldo scoring against his former club, being whistled at every time he touched the ball, and finishing the 90 minutes looking like he was about to keel over and die; Zlatan Ibrahimovic beating the geriatric Paolo Maldini for pace (shocking, I know) to set up the equalizer and then scoring the winner; Dida flapping at the ball repeatedly like a giant Brazilian chicken; and, sadly, nobody smacking Materazzi upside the head just for the fun of it.

I keep thinking about for signing up for digital cable so that I can watch more of the European leagues, but I already watch way too much football as it is. Plus, I suspect I would find it very hard not to reach into my TV and punch the commentators in the face, because most of the ones on FSC and GolTV seem to be given over to hyperbole, dubious turns of phrase, and talking out of their ass on any given topic. Even more than your average pundit normally does, that is. At least the guys they have doing the Italian matches on TLN (which I do watch sometimes) are relatively restrained. They stick to actually telling you what's going on, with the occasional snide remark about the players and bemused comments on those mad Italians. I like that much better.

FA Cup: Manchester United 1 - 1 Reading

Although United were basically fielding their reserve team (I counted at most four players who'd make the first-choice XI), even so, this was a disappointing result for the Red Devils. Reading may not exactly be Premiership guppies anymore, considering that they're currently sitting sixth in the table, but they rested a lot of their key players as well -- which should have meant an easier game for United. It didn't.

I've commented before that the teams who do best against Man United are the ones that come out strongly and attack, rather than just sitting back with ten men behind the ball, and that's exactly what Reading did here. And United were their own worst enemy: they managed to pass the ball around well enough, but they squandered far too many chances at goal.

Cristiano Ronaldo in particular had all his tricks on display, but apparently forgot his shooting boots, and Louis Saha's finishing wasn't sharp enough either. I think the changes to the lineup also hampered them because, with Ronaldo and Park Ji-Sung cutting inside a lot, Wes Brown and Gabriel Heinze didn't get forward to support them on the wings as much as Gary Neville and Patrice Evra usually do.

United went in 1-0 up at the break, thanks to a low drive from Michael Carrick that crept in at the far post (if that goalpost had been a foot or two farther over, the final score could've been 3- or 4-1). But they were left to pay for their wastefulness in the second half when Brynjar Gunnarsson scored with an unmarked header from a corner to even things up.

After that United tried to press for the winning goal -- with Sir Alex even making a triple substitution -- but it was too little, too late. So now they've got to face a replay at the Madejski in a couple of weeks, which is the last thing they need with the Champions League starting up again.

Other results
Fulham 0 - 4 Tottenham
Preston North End 1 - 3 Manchester City
Chelsea 4 - 0 Norwich
Watford 1 - 0 Ipswich
Plymouth Argyle 2 - 0 Derby
Middlesbrough 2 - 2 West Brom
Arsenal 0 - 0 Blackburn

Sixth round draw takes place on Monday

FA Cup 4th Round: Manchester United 2 - 1 Portsmouth

Mike Riley and his assistant referees should be very grateful to Wayne Rooney today, because his two goals saved them from having a couple of bad decisions subjected to quite as much scrutiny as they would otherwise be receiving.

The first one was the header from Nemanja Vidic, which Pedro Mendes hooked clear -- albeit only after it was clearly across the line. You could argue, of course, that this was simply a example of karma in action. But nevertheless, it's going to revive the endless debate about the use of goal-line technology.

The second was Henrik Larsson's volley, which was disallowed for offside. This one was a much closer call, but I think the referees got it one wrong as well. It looks to me like he's onside -- or if there's any part of his body that's ahead of the defender, it's his arm, which doesn't count (and yes, I looked that up in the rules, because I'm a dork like that).

So Manchester United had already scored two perfectly good goals but had nothing to show for their efforts when Rooney came on for the last half-hour of the match. Maybe he was invigorated by having a bit of a rest -- or, more likely, he was annoyed at having started on the bench -- but whatever the reason, he went out and scored twice in the space of about five minutes. The first goal came from a pass from Ryan Giggs -- who'd seemed to spend the whole game dribbling down the wing and then crossing the ball into the exact wrong spot. But he finally got it right in this case, squaring it perfectly for Rooney.

The second goal was even better: chipped over the keeper from about 20 yards out. (Yeah, I know, it's another Youtube link. But this one you really have to see -- watch how he winds up like he's going to blast it, and instead just places it into the far corner. David James never even moved.)

Now, Portsmouth did have a questionable claim for a penalty in the first half. But I think we can safely ignore that, because they never really looked all that threatening (yes, despite the consolation goal), and regardless United are through to the draw for the fifth round tomorrow.

FA Cup 3rd Round

Liverpool 1 - 3 Arsenal
To quote YNBA: Well, that sucked.

Liverpool had the majority of the possession but completely failed to do anything with it. I was astonished to see that they actually had 15 shots on goal, because I didn't remember nearly that many, but then I noticed that only 5 of those were actually on target. Arsenal, on the other hand, only had 5 shots in the whole game, but 3 of them went in. That pretty much sums things up.

A few other things, in no particular order:

1. Xabi Alonso getting booked for diving. This, as far as I'm concerned, is bullshit. The tackle was late, there was contact from the defender, that's a penalty. Is he just supposed to stand there and let Gilberto take his ankles out? I don't think so. (Also, let me just point out that Steve Bennett is the same referee who sent Alonso off against Arsenal last season for slipping on the wet turf and accidentally knocking over Mathieu Flamini -- despite the fact that he had his back to the play at the time. Well done.)
   
2. Why was nobody picking up Tomas Rosicky? Especially after he'd already scored on them once, the last thing the Liverpool defenders should've been doing was watching as he waltzed towards the penalty area. Now, it's possible they share my belief that he is secretly a woman, but nevertheless you have to mark him. Actually, I suspect the yellow card for Alonso didn't help with this, because it meant that he had to be more careful with his tackles. Still, why didn't somebody just take the fucker down?
   
3. Rafa Benitez apparently makes a policy of using Jerzy Dudek in cup games like this instead of Pepe Reina, but his performance just underlined why he's not their number one keeper any more. I can't say for sure, but having seen the way Dudek flapped ineffectually at all three of the Arsenal goals, I think Reina would've stopped at least one of them. Arsenal were also playing their backup keeper, but they had the advantage in that Almunia didn't, you know, suck.
   
4. I was thoroughly enamored with the way Emmanuel Eboue fouled Luis Garcia and then rolled around in agony in hopes of avoiding a booking. And then, a few minutes later, proceeded to crumple to the ground again when Liverpool were trying to take a corner. What a whining, cheating little dickwad.

I did at least get a little bit of entertainment from whoever's done the captions for Propaganda's photos from this match. This one, in particular, is a classic.

Manchester United 2 - 1 Aston Villa
Thank god for aging Scandinavian strikers, eh? Henrik Larsson and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer contrived to rescue the game for United; although Aston Villa fought hard, I don't think they played well enough to have deserved a replay. United did get a bit lucky with the second goal, which Kiraly should've saved, but that's what you get with a goalkeeper who wears pajama bottoms.

It's only been one game, but I'm impressed by Larsson so far. He looked very sharp today -- no sign of having been out of action for a couple of months. Hopefully Wayne Rooney was watching and taking notes on how to score, because his form was mediocre once again. I know he went through a similar slump at the beginning of the season and eventually played himself out of it, so maybe that's what he needs this time too. Or maybe he just needs a rest, but as long as Saha's out injured, that's not very likely.

A couple things I was less impressed by:

1. How easily Park Ji-Sung kept getting muscled off the ball. I know he will gladly run his little legs off for 90 minutes, which is great, but perhaps he wouldn't have to run so much if he could just hang on to possession.
   
2. Michael Carrick's attempts on goal. Somebody should sit him down and tell him that he doesn't have to be a goal-scorer. It's okay, really. Better than shanking it wide every time.

Anyway, at least one of my two teams made it through, so I'll have someone to cheer for in the next round. Anyone but Chelsea, who thumped poor little Macclesfield 6-1 after they had their goalkeeper sent off. That's just mean, y'all.

FA Cup Final (or, Steven Gerrard, have my babies)

Liverpool 3 - 3 West Ham (Liverpool win 3-1 on penalties)
Liverpool just can't do anything the easy way, can they? Apparently it's not a true cup final unless they fall behind, Stevie G. drags the team back into the game by the scruff of their neck, and they finally win on penalties. Oh, and Harry Kewell goes off with a groin injury.

Let's recap, shall we?

• Jamie Carragher opens the scoring with an own goal. He looks like someone has just reached inside him and ripped out his intestines.
  
  
• West Ham get a second flukey goal when Pepe Reina flubs a save and spills the ball right in front of Dean Ashton.
  
  
• Peter Crouch has a goal ruled out, proving that still, nobody understands how to apply the offside rule properly. But it's less of a controversy than it could have been, because Cisse scores just a couple minutes later -- one of his rare contributions to the game, other than modelling various flashy boots.
  
  
• That's three (or four) goals already, and it's only half-time. And it could have been more right after the half, but Reina makes a great double save to keep Liverpool from falling even further behind.
  
  
• Then Steven Gerrard -- who else? -- scores to level things at 2-2. He celebrates by sticking his tongue out at the West Ham fans, because he is secretly five years old.
  
  
• So Liverpool are right back in it, they're pressing for the winner, and of course what do they do? Give up another one: the flukiest of all the flukey goals in this game, from a shot that was meant to be a cross and that had Reina totally out of position. Fantastic.
  
  
• Liverpool throw everything they've got at West Ham but can't break them down, and it looks like it's just not going to be enough. And then, in the 90th minute, out of nowhere, the ball falls to Gerrard -- who barely a minute before was limping around with cramp -- and he smashes it into the net. One of the delirious Liverpool supporters behind me in the pub spills beer all over me, and I don't even care.
  
  
• And now: extra time! Both teams have used up all their subs, players are dropping like Arjen Robben after a pat on the cheek, so clearly what we need is another thirty minutes of football. Yes.
  
  
• Neither team is able to get the golden goal -- although Reina has to tip a shot onto the post, in a brilliant save that makes up for his previous attack of Dudek-itis -- so we're off to penalties. I still think penalties are a crappy way to decide a match, but then, I play in a league with unlimited substitutions.
  
  
• Sami Hyypia demonstrates why central defenders aren't supposed to take penalties. But he's probably one of the only Liverpool players who can walk at this point, so we'll cut him some slack.
  
  
• And it doesn't matter anyway, because Pepe Reina is a penalty-stopping machine and Liverpool wins the shootout 3-1. I feel a brief pang of sympathy for mini-Rio, but really I'm too busy celebrating, because Stevie G. is lifting a trophy once again and so all is right with the world.

So. It wasn't the best game for Liverpool -- their defense, supposedly the best in the Premiership, was a mess for all three West Ham goals, and once Kewell and Xabi Alonso went off, they really didn't have a lot of creative options going forward -- but wow, was it great to watch. Also, anyone who still thinks that Frank Lampard is a better player than Steven Gerrard needs to sit down and shut up now.


Up next: Arsenal v. Barca in the Champions League final. I promise to be more objective about this one.

FA Cup Semi-finals

Liverpool 2 - 1 Chelsea
Oh, man, how awesome was that? I watched the game in a pub full of rabid Liverpool supporters, which was great, and I got so caught up in the excitement that I was momentarily confused when there was no trophy presentation at the end of the game.

Surprise, surprise: Jose Mourinho is claiming that the better team didn't win, which is bullshit. Liverpool outplayed his misbegotten lineup for 60 minutes, and then held on for the win, even after Mourinho came to his senses and threw some wingers on -- maybe he'd noticed Harry Kewell tearing his defence apart, and realized that trying to pack the centre of the pitch against Gerrard, Alonso and Sissoko isn't likely to work. If Chelsea's starting lineup was mystifying, Rafa's substitutions at the end of the game were slightly terrifying (Cisse? Djimi Traore, for the love of god? Even Morientes for Garcia, who as usual was alternately brilliant and utter crap). But somehow it worked.

Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, winning the big games is what makes you the better team -- and Jose can sit down and shut up about the referreeing as well. I'm admittedly biased, but it seems like way more of the decisions went in favour of Chelsea. Even the free kick for the first goal: maybe two minutes before that, Peter Crouch got called for doing the exact same thing, so it seemed perfectly fair to me. And it wouldn't have mattered anyway if the wall had done their job.

This is why so many people hate Chelsea now, I think. They're not gracious winners, and they're even less gracious losers.

Oh, yeah, and West Ham beat Middlesbrough 1-0 in the other semi-final. Yay for them. Excuse me while I go back to gloating over Chelsea (I get a slightly obscene amount of pleasure from seeing John Terry all pouty), and waiting for the "Lampard to Barcelona" rumours to ramp up this summer.


Meanwhile, in the Premiership:

• Arsenal drew 1-1 with Tottenham in a cracking game that might have been even better if Thierry Henry and Cesc Fabregas hadn't started on the bench. Looks like Arsene Wenger's strategy of resting players for the Champions League might have backfired. But he's busy complaining about Tottenham not putting the ball out of play when two Arsenal players went down injured just before they scored the first goal. I was sort of half-heartedly cheering for Arsenal in this game, but even so: Suck it up, Wenger, and teach your team to play the whistle. If there's a serious injury, it's the referees job to stop the play, not your opponents -- especially if the players are down not because of a bad tackle, but because they ran into one another.
  
  
• After beating West Brom 3-0, Newcastle are up to seventh place. How the hell did that happen? They've actually got a shot at European football next season. I can't decide if that's good or not -- but anything that makes Michael Owen more likely to stay at St. James' Park is not good, as far as I'm concerned. In other news, I'm not much of an Alan Shearer fan, but I did get a little sad to see him on the sidelines and them showing his Last Goal Ever in the highlight reel.
  
  
• Bolton thumped Charlton 4-1. Why couldn't they have done that against Chelsea? Bah.
  
  
• Birmingham and Everton played out a boring 1-1 draw that didn't do much for either team. Or for those of us who watched the game.
  
  
• Portsmouth continued their recent streak of not completely sucking, beating the mighty Sunderland 2-1. Which, actually, is more than Man Unitd could do, so I suppose I shouldn't mock them.

This week in the wacky world of football

(You have to imagine me saying that in a Kermit the Frog voice. I don't know why; just go with it.)

Premier League players pick their favourite books as part of a program to encourage reading. This would be where we mock Eidur Gudjohnsen for choosing My Winning Season by John Terry.

A family in West Cumbria has a football-playing sheep named Oliver.

Using a nose-dribbling technique, he weaves his way around his enclosure. The woolly jumper also leaps into the air in a bid to unsettle his opponents.

"We think he is more of a defensive player than an attacker," said [his owner]. "He's quite solid and if Sven-Goran Eriksson is looking for a holding midfield player to take to the World Cup, I'm sure he could do a job."

No word on what Oliver's favourite book is, but I'm pretty sure it's not My Winning Season.

Roma midfielder Daniele De Rossi admitted to having helped the ball into the net with his hand during his team's win over Messina, and told the referee that he should disallow the goal. (Didier Drogba's head just exploded.)

Oh, and Liverpool trounced Birmingham 7-0 to advance to the semi-finals of the FA Cup. The Reds have now scored 15 goals in their last three games -- which is about as many as they'd scored all year up to that point. I don't know what Rafa has done to the team (spiking the half-time tea? threatening the strikers with pistols at dawn?) but I like it. Although I can't help wishing that he'd done it a couple weeks ago, when they were, you know, still in the Champions League.

FA Cup 5th Round

Liverpool 1 - 0 Manchester United
So...the Carling Cup it is, then. Woo.

I don't know if I'd say that Liverpool deserved the win, because it wasn't their best game, but United certainly deserved to lose. Liverpool were all over them in midfield, even with Xabi Alonso missing through injury. (Which should have been good for United's chances, but was bad news for those of us who enjoy the eye candy, especially when dragging ourselves out of bed for a 7:30 a.m. kickoff.)

It didn't help that I spent the first 10 minutes of the game trying to figure out United's lineup, with Fletcher, Giggs, Richardson and Ronaldo across the middle of the pitch. Which means they had a centre midfielder on the right, two left wingers in the centre, and a right winger on the left. Has Sir Alex totally lost the plot? Or maybe he was hoping that Liverpool would be as confused by this as I was. Either way, it didn't work.

United gave up the midfield battle in the second half and just started punting the ball up to the strikers, which worked marginally better, but Liverpool's defence was solid. United, on the other hand, apparently decided that Peter Crouch has been so awful in front of goal recently that they didn't actually need to mark him. And, of course, that came back to bite them in the ass. (Although at least they didn't concede an own-goal -- take a bow, Ricardo Carvalho.)

FA Cup 4th Round

Man United and Liverpool won; Chelsea and Arsenal did not. Doesn't take much more than that to make me happy.

Also: I don't really have anything against Robin van Persie, but man, this is classic.


United fielded another, um, interesting lineup, with Rio Ferdinand in central midfield. (I'd predicted 4-2-4, which was close -- this was more like 5-2-3.) Unorthodox, but it worked. So now of course people will be clamouring for Rio to play as a defensive midfielder for England, because why would you choose someone who's actually used to that role when you could stick someone else out of position? Anyway, United's attack was clicking well, and Louis Saha in particular looked dangerous. Now just as long as he doesn't come down with another hangnail or whatever... Nemanja Vidic also did a decent job at centre back -- a few miscues, but certainly better than Patrice Evra's debut. (Anyone else think he kind of looks like Victor Krum? Or have I just seen Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire too many times?)


Liverpool, on the other hand, didn't look nearly as dominant in their win over Portsmouth. They spent most of the game pinging the ball up and down the field without really stringing too many passes together. And their strikers continue to be incapable of putting the ball in the net. Hopefully Robbie Fowler will be able to make a difference in that department -- even though I think he's kind of an asshole, personally.

Lowlight of the game: the Fox Sports announcer who kept referring to Momo Sissoko as "Sisko." Like he was suddenly going to bust out in The Thong Song or something.


And now United and Liverpool have been drawn against each other in the fifth round. Well, fuck.

Handbags and divided loyalties

Nice to see that Man United were able to stop bitch-slapping one another long enough to give Burton Albion a 5-0 drubbing in their FA Cup replay.

The real test of my loyalty is going to be the United-Liverpool game on Sunday. Because I do like Liverpool now, but that's a fairly recent thing, whereas United are my first love.

(I had a whole thing here about your high-school boyfriend, who you're determined to stay with even though he's kind of an idiot sometimes, versus that sweet but maybe less exciting guy down the hall in residence at university, but then the whole metaphor got kind of disturbing, so you can fill in the details for yourself.)

FA Cup 3rd Round

Ah, the romance of the 3rd round. A chance for all those plucky little teams to upset the Premiership giants. Or something like that. I would insert some nostalgic bumf here, but I have to confess that I didn't pay any attention to the FA Cup until the final last year, so there are people much better qualified for that than I am (read: every BBC announcer on the planet, apparently).

Anyway. On to the matches.

Burton Albion 0 - 0 Manchester United
OK, I know that the United players are tired, after a jam-packed schedule over Christmas, and they've got the Carling Cup semi-final and the Manchester derby coming up this week. But considering that this might be their only chance to win some silverware this season, shouldn't Sir Alex be doing everything he can to actually, you know, win? It doesn't exactly inspire confidence when the only first-team regulars in your starting line-up are Wes Brown and Mikael Silvester. Oh, and John O'Shea, playing out of position in midfield. Because he's shown such an aptitude for that in the past.

Yes, United have some talented youngsters, and yes, they need a chance like this to gain some experience. But I think you need a stronger core of players to slot them into if you want to win games like this. I also think they were hampered by not being used to playing together. Burton played like a team; United played like a mess. One of the few bright spots: Wes Brown, who seems to be having a decent season and, much like Darren Fletcher's current not-abysmal form, it's kind of thrown me for a loop. Oh, and the game also gave us our first glimpse of Wayne Rooney, Captain, a decision I can only assume that Fergie made based on Rooney's incessant need to yammer at the ref during the Arsenal game.

(In related news, apparently Sir Alex is planning to rest Rooney, Van Nistelrooy and Ferdinand again for the Carling Cup game with Blackburn on Wednesday. That's just great. Nothing like learning from your mistakes...oh, wait.)

Luton 3 - 5 Liverpool
In contrast to the boring slog that was the United game, this one was a cracker. Questionable penalty calls. The Lord of Frodsham Manor demonstrating that he should spend less time at the barber and more time practicing his penalty kicks. Rafa Benitez having apoplexy on the touchline. Luton playing their asses off for 60 minutes and making the previously solid Liverpool back line look rather worryingly like Newcastle. (Jamie Carragher had better hope that Sven wasn't watching this one, because ouch.)

Liverpool did get it together eventually -- Luton couldn't hold out forever -- and once their offence moved into high gear, they could easily have scored two or three more. And it was all nicely capped off by Xabi Alonso scoring from 60 or 70 yards out in the last minute of the game, after deking out the keeper, who'd come forward for a corner and left the goalt wide open. The best part of that, actually, was Steven Gerrard's reaction: screaming for a pass, complaining when he didn't get it, doing a double-take as he saw the ball rolling into the net, and then reluctantly applauding. Classic.