Premiership Weekend Roundup: September 27-28

On the one hand, I am insanely busy right now. Booo. On the other hand, I finally have Setanta set up at my new apartment so I can watch the games properly. Yaaaay. So here we go...

Manchester United 2–0 Bolton
Yes, okay, that penalty was ridiculous. I'm not even going to try to defend that. I'm more interested in seeing Wayne Rooney come on as a substitute and link up with Cristiano Ronaldo to score a beautiful goal. And now, in seeing whether he's actually going to get to start their Champions League game this week.

Everton 0–2 Liverpool
Fernando Torres did basically nothing for an hour, and then won the game in the space of two minutes. (Should have had a hat trick, actually.) And it was an excellent performance from the whole team; they thoroughly deserve their spot at the top of the table.

Arsenal 1–2 Hull
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Other results
Stoke City 0–2 Chelsea
Newcastle 1–2 Blackburn
Middlesbrough 0–1 West Brom
Fulham 1–2 West Ham
Aston Villa 2–1 Sunderland
Portsmouth 2-0 Tottenham
Wigan 2-1 Manchester City

Premiership Weekend Roundup: September 13-14

Liverpool 2-1 Manchester United
Ok, see, this is why it's not such a great idea to like both Liverpool and Manchester United. Because yeah, I wanted United to win, and Berbatov to be amazing on his debut, and Wayne Rooney to score a hat-trick or something. And instead I got Rooney marooned out on the wing, an own-goal for Wes Brown, and the Edwin van der Sar Comedy Experience. And yet I can't really be upset, because just look at Jamie Carragher's face.

Other results
Arsenal 4-0 Blackburn
Chelsea 3-1 Manchester City
Fulham 2-1 Bolton
Hull 2-1 Newcastle
Portsmouth 2-1 Middlesbrough
West Brom 3-2 West Ham
Wigan 1-1 Sunderland

Premiership Weekend Roundup: August 23-24

Manchester United 1-0 Portsmouth
Ok, now I feel like the season has started properly. I was quite happy to have missed last weekend's games and particularly United starting off by drawing at home to Newcastle. I know that they drew against Reading to start things off last year, and still won the league, but come on. In other news, Darren Fletcher is currently United's leading -- and only -- scorer. My brain is still having trouble processing that.

But I am becoming more reconciled to the idea of their signing Dimitar Berbatov. It's been blatantly obvious that they need a striker, and I didn't have a really good reason for not wanting it to be him. So what the hell. He can sulk around all he wants up front if it means that they score a few more goals. Because you can't expect Fletcher to do it all on his own, after all.

(This also match reminded me of one of the things I missed this summer, namely Nemanja Vidic flinging himself into headers and coming away all bloody. I do like that.)


Liverpool 2-1 Middlesbrough
Liverpool were not exactly convincing this week or last (a narrow 1-0 victory over Sunderland). But I don't really care. Two games, two wins, six points, thank you very much. Last time it was Fernando Torres popping up with a late winner, this time it was the man himself, Steven Gerrard, with a screamer in stoppage time. Plus the bonus of a goal from Jamie Carragher of all people. I can recognize that Carra isn't quite the player that he was a couple years ago, but I still hate to think of him not being in the team week in, week out. Even with the attraction of Daniel Agger coming in to replace him.

You know what Liverpool could really use, though? Wingers. I have been saying this for ages now, and maybe eventually Rafa will listen to me. I live in hope. Buying Robbie Keane is fine and all, but it would be nice to have more than two players that Xabi Alonso can pass to. (Unless Rafa decides to play Gerrard on the left, a la Fabio Capello. You never know.) And speaking of midfielders, apparently the Gareth Barry deal is dead, and I for one couldn't be happier about it.


Other results

• Chelsea 1-0 Wigan - Deco is certainly off to a great start in a Chelsea start, pulling the strings in their 4-0 stomping of Portsmouth and picking up another goal here. I do have a bizarre affection for him, though; must remind myself that he's evil now.
  
  
• Fulham 1-0 Arsenal - The Gunners beat West Brom last week thanks to a goal from Samir Nasri, but apparently Fulham were just too much of a challenge. This is what happens when half your midfield leaves, Arsene.
  
  
• Sunderland 2-1 Tottenham - Spurs are still without a point, after they lost their game against Boro last week.
  
  
• Newcastle 1-0 Bolton - Newcastle are apparently scoring all their goals this year via headers from diminutive strikers.
  
  
• Manchester City 3-0 West Ham - City had a terrible time of it last week, losing to Villa and getting thumped in the UEFA Cup. Fortunately, they had West Ham waiting to beat up on.
  
  
• Stoke 3-2 Aston Villa - Stoke recovered from their first-week defeat to Bolton in a back-and-forth game against Villa, who are not defending any better this season than last.
  
  
• Blackburn 1-1 Hull - Blackburn are off to a decent start, with four points from their first two games -- but so, somewhat surprisingly, are Hull.
  
  
• Everton 2-1 West Brom - You wouldn't have picked West Brom to be the one promoted team without a win, would you? Me neither.

Premiership Weekend Roundup: May 11

CAMPIONE, CAMPIONE, OLE OLE OLE...

Wigan 0-2 Manchester United
You couldn't have scripted it any better, in the end. Cristiano Ronaldo, the player of the year by about a gazillion miles, scores the first and ultimately winning goal, and then Ryan Giggs -- making his 758th appearance for United and matching Bobby Charlton's record -- makes the win secure with a late second goal. And goes on to lift the Premiership trophy for the second year in a row (not to mention the 10th time in his career).

There were, alas, some rather questionable refereeing decisions along the way: a penalty not given to Wigan for a possible handball by Rio Ferdinand, Paul Scholes staying on the pitch when he could -- and probably should -- have been sent off for cross-checking Wilson Palacios. But the bad decisions weren't all in favour of United, as they could have had a second penalty awarded after Scholes was tripped in the box. So, yeah, Steve Bennett is incompetent, but somehow I think that United would have contrived to win the game regardless.

They certainly didn't make it easy on themselves; or rather, Wigan didn't make it easy for them. The Latics can be proud of the fight they put up, and Chris Kirkland pulled off several good saves to keep the score down. United took the lead after half an hour, a clear-cut penalty for a foul on Wayne Rooney, which Ronaldo coolly dispatched. But it got more and more nerve-wracking as the game went on and they still had only a one-goal advantage. It wasn't until the 80th minute that they could relax, as Rooney split the defence with a simple through ball to Giggs -- I think it was the hapless Titus Bramble playing Giggs onside, actually -- and he slotted it past Kirkland. (I did a little dance in my living room. This is why it's better that I watch the games by myself.)

Chelsea, meanwhile, ended up with a draw at Bolton and finished two points behind United, which means that their goal difference was a moot point, and we can forget Avram Grant's suggestion the title should be decided with a play-off instead (although just for the record, United beat them 3-2 on aggregate this season). Of course I'm going to say this because I'm a United fan, but it seems to me like goal difference is a pretty good way to decide between two teams. It sums up their season -- and in United's case, they both scored the highest number of goals and conceded the least. No question that they deserved the title. Chelsea will have their chance for revenge in Moscow next week, but in the meantime: SUCK IT.

Also: No love for The Score, who had some kind of fuck-up with the satellite feed from Wigan that meant we missed almost the whole first half. They claimed that whatever the problem was, it wasn't their fault, but I'm not really inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt. Nobody should have to listen to Brian Budd blather on for an extra 40 minutes; it's just cruel.


Other results
Birmingham 4-1 Blackburn
Chelsea 1-1 Bolton
Derby 0-4 Reading
Everton 3-1 Newcastle
Middlesbrough 8-1 Manchester City
Portsmouth 0-1 Fulham
Sunderland 0-1 Arsenal
Tottenham 0-2 Liverpool
West Ham 2-2 Aston Villa

• Chelsea started their game against Bolton with a makeshift back line, and it got worse when John Terry was injured after just 10 minutes, dislocating his elbow in a collision with Petr Cech (you'd think he would have seen Cech coming, in that retina-scalding orange kit; it makes him look like a giant traffic cone). And their day got worse when news filtered through from Wigan that Manchester United were winning. A goal from substitute Andriy Shevchenko in the second half gave them some hope, but they were deflated by United's second goal against Wigan, and Bolton's stoppage-time equalizer finished them off.
  
  
• All three teams caught in the relegation battle won (I'm discounting Derby, since they were already doomed), and Birmingham and Reading scored four goals apiece. But it was a futile effort, as Fulham capped an amazing recovery with a late winner from Danny Murphy against Portsmouth to earn their survival. That means Reading were relegated based on goal difference, while Birmingham finished just one point behind and were also sent down.
  
  
• Everton guaranteed their spot in the UEFA Cup next year with a win over Newcastle, while Aston Villa will have to settle for the Intertoto Cup after drawing with West Ham.
  
  
• Liverpool cruised to a comfortable win against Tottenham in a game that was notable only for Fernando Torres's 24th league goal, which is a record for a foreign player in his first Premiership season.
  
  
• In another meaningless game, Theo Walcott scored Arsenal's only goal in their victory over Sunderland, as a season that started with so much promise ends without a trophy for the Gunners.
  
  
• Middlesbrough versus Man City should have been forgettable as well, but that changed when Richard Dunne was sent off after 15 minutes. Stewart Downing scored the resulting penalty (his first of two goals), and City totally fell apart. Boro scored a mind-boggling eight goals, which I think it would take them about three months to do normally, including a hat-trick for Afonso Alves. I think the City players may have decided to go on strike early rather than waiting for that trip to Thailand.

In which I actually pay attention to teams outside the Premiership*

So, the Premiership wraps up tomorrow, with Manchester United and Chelsea level on points after Chelsea's 2-0 win over Newcastle on Monday (damn you, Michael Ballack!). Fulham, Reading and Birmingham are fighting for their Premiership survival, and Everton and Aston Villa are going for a UEFA Cup spot. Everybody else is planning their summer holidays already. I'm just grateful that my family decided to do dinner rather than brunch for Mother's Day, so I can actually watch the games live.

One game I won't be able to watch is Milan versus Napoli, because I can't seem to find it on TV here anywhere. Bah. At least I got to see the derby last week, which was awesome, because Milan not only won, they killed them; the 2-1 scoreline really doesn't tell you how much better they were than Inter. (I don't know why they can't play like that every week; but I have a theory that they're sadistic bastards who like to torture their supporters.) Anyway, the win, combined with Fiorentina losing, meant that Milan have moved up into fourth place, which is nice, seeing as the Champions League is the only competition they really care about. Roma are now only three points behind Inter, but the nerazzurri can wrap up the scudetto if they beat Siena tomorrow. (Booo, hisss.) Parma, Empoli and Livorno are in the relegation places, but I don't think anything's been wrapped up there yet.

Real Madrid clinched the La Liga title last weekend with a come-from-behind win over Osasuna, despite having Fabio Cannavaro sent off early in the second half (didn't he use to be good? What happened?). I don't really love Real, but I'm still happy that they won, just because I do like an excited yelly Iker Casillas. Anyway, their win meant that Barcelona had to applaud them onto the pitch with a guard of honour during their match on Wednesday, which must have hurt. After which, Real thumped them 4-1, just to rub salt in the wound. Barcelona have slipped down to third place behind Villareal, while Atletico Madrid are three points ahead of Sevilla in the race for the final champions League spot, with two games to go. Murcia and Levante are going down, along with one more out of a whole bunch of teams.

In Germany, there's one week left to play in the Bundesliga, but Bayern Munich wrapped up the title last weekend and celebrated by pouring gigantic glasses of beer on each other, which is a tradition that I think more teams (including my own) should adopt. Werder Bremen and Schalke are the other two teams in the Champions League places. I would tell you about the teams being relegated, but frankly I don't know who any of them are so I don't much care.

* I'll bet you thought I meant the other leagues in England or something like that, right? Yeah, no. Setanta had the various league playoffs on all day today, but I skipped them all. It was too nice not to be outside on a patio with a couple several pints of beer.

Premiership Weekend Roundup: May 3-4

Manchester United 4-1 West Ham
Remember how I said last week that West Ham's defence really sucks? Yeah. United were up 3-0 after 25 minutes, including two goals for Cristiano Ronaldo, bringing him up to 40 for the season, which is kind of a staggering total. And those two were both down to horrible defending from the Hammers: for the first, Lucas Neill fell over trying to make a tackle, and then the remaining defenders just backed off while Ronaldo waltzed into the box. For the second, Ronaldo drifted in at the back post and deflected the ball into the net off his thigh, after none of the defenders bothered to cut out the cross. We'll give them a bit of credit for the third goal, which was a 30-yard rocket from Carlos Tevez. But not much.

Dean Ashton pulled one back for West Ham just a couple minutes after Tevez's goal, holding off Rio Ferdinand and finishing with a bicycle kick (kind of impressive, considering the effort it must take to get off the ground when you're that big). They got a further lifeline at the end of the first half when Nani made the idiotic decision to headbutt Neill -- and then roll around on the ground in purported agony, as if that was going to make the referee overlook the fact that he's a brainless twit -- and was sent off. But West Ham completely failed to take advantage of their extra man, letting United stroll through the second half and even add another goal -- with the defenders once again backing away and practically inviting Michael Carrick to shoot. So, thank you very much, one more game to go and United could be lifting the Premiership trophy once again. COME ON NEWCASTLE.

Liverpool 1-0 Manchester City
This was an essentially meaningless game, with Liverpool having already guaranteed Champions League football next year and Sve-Goran Eriksson probably doomed no matter what Manchester City did. But at least Liverpool won their final game of the season at Anfield. It was Fernando Torres, naturally, with the only goal, scoring in front of the Kop.

The high point, really, was the lap of honour, because footballers + babies in leetle tiny jerseys = awwwww. Two players who weren't out there to salute the fans, though, were Peter Crouch and John Arne Riise -- both of whom will more than likely be leaving in the summer. I don't know what's up with that.

Other results
Arsenal 1-0 Everton
Aston Villa 0-2 Wigan
Blackburn 3-1 Derby
Bolton 2-0 Sunderland
Fulham 2-0 Birmingham
Middlesbrough 2-0 Portsmouth
Reading 0-1 Tottenham

• Fulham, Reading and Birmingham are all within a point of each other; two out of the three of them will be going down next week. Fulham, shockingly enough, might be the ones to survive after beating Birmingham. And they're the only ones with their fate in their own hands, because a win will mean their survival, whereas the other two will have to hope that results in the other games fall their way. (Fulham play a pre-FA Cup Portsmouth next week, while Birmingham host Blackburn and Reading are away to Derby.)
  
• Wins for Middlesbrough and Wigan have guaranteed that they'll stay up for another season. Bolton aren't officially safe yet but it seems pretty certain, thanks to their goal differential over the teams below them. I still can't muster up any interest in any of these three.
  
• Villa will regret not taking the opportunity to pull level with Everton in the race for a UEFA Cup spot, but they, along with Portsmouth, seemed to be suffering from the end-of-season blahs.
  
• And Derby are officially the worst team ever in the history of the Premiership. It's nice that they've managed to distinguish themselves like that.

Monday Randomness

• In news that surprised absolutely nobody, Cristiano Ronaldo won PFA Player of the Year for the second year in a row. Cesc Fabregas won Young Player of the Year, although Ronaldo was also nominated in that category. (Also, Cesc wants to eat your brains.)
  
  The team of the year, in full: David James, Bacary Sagna, Rio Ferdinand, Nemanja Vidic, Gael Clichy, Steven Gerrard, Cesc Fabregas, Cristiano Ronaldo, Ashley Young , Emmanuel Adebayor, Fernando Torres. It's an Arsenal-heavy lineup, which probably reflects the fact that they voted back in February -- i.e., before the Gunners' season went to shit. Still there aren't a lot of selections that I'd disagree with. I'm not sure about Sagna, but I can't think of anybody else who's really stood out at right-back. Also, Steven Gerrard apparently is going to get nominated every year, regardless of whether he's really in form, because he runs around and goes "RAAAAAAAR" a lot. I'm okay with that.
  
  
• Toronto FC have now won three games in a row, after a pretty convincing 2-0 victory over league leaders Kansas City on Saturday. Amado Guevara scored both goals -- the first one from a possibly offside position after a scramble in the box, the second a gorgeous free kick curled over the wall and into the corner. Incidentally, my sister and I decided that Guevara looks like a porcupine with his spiky hair -- although that was nothing compared to the amazing range of egregious hair-don'ts displayed by Kansas City.
  
  
• There's a rumour going around that MLSE, the company that owns Toronto FC, is looking into buying an English club. Tottenham is supposedly the most likely possibility, and I've also heard West Ham mentioned -- although this is all pure speculation. Just one word of advice, if they do decide to go through with it: Study what Hicks and Gillett have done with Liverpool, and then do the exact opposite of that.
  
  
• I think I've probably mentioned before how I have a soft spot for teams that play in red. Well, one of those teams happen to be Milan. (Meeeeeeeelan. I have to say it that way in my head every time.) Anyway, after kind of a shitty season, they have managed to drag themselves up the table and are now just two points back of Fiorentina in the race for fourth place and a spot in the Champions League next year. Pippo Inzaghi took a break from being continually offside to score a hat-trick against Livorno on Sunday, while Fiorentina almost pulled out a win against Sampdoria and then threw it away again. Ha.
  
  I don't want to get too optimistic, because the Milan derby is this weekend, and I'm sure Inter (boooo, hissss) are going to be out for blood. But still, I'm hoping that they'll pull this off somehow, and then they can convince Paolo Maldini to come back for another season. Come on boys, you can do it. You know Paolo's not going to hang around for the fucking UEFA Cup.

Premiership Weekend Roundup: March 26-27

Chelsea 2-1 Manchester United
So, it looks like the title race is going to go down to the wire. Chelsea are now level with Manchester United on points, after beating them on Saturday. But United's destiny is still in their own hands, thanks to their stupendous goal difference; as long as they win their last two games, against West Ham and Wigan, they'll win the Premiership. I don't really like that it's still so close, but think that United will do it now that they know there's no margin for error.

Actually, I think that was part of the problem with this game: Chelsea knew they had to win, whereas United were just playing for the draw, and it backfired on them. You'd think Sir Alex would have learned by now that United are much better when they play to win, but apparently not. How else do you explain a midfield of Nani, Park, Giggs, Carrick and Fletcher? Sure, let's leave the team's top goal-scorer and the PFA player of the year on the bench, why not? It's not as if this was an important game or anything. Oh, wait.

Anyway, Chelsea were definitely the stronger team in the first half. It didn't help that United lost Vidic to injury in the first 15 minutes, after he got kneed in the face by Drogba and busted up his lip. Hargreaves came on at right-back and Wes Brown moved into the centre, and I don't know if it was because of the defensive shake-up or not, but there was absolutely nobody marking Ballack when he drifted into the box to score from a header just before halftime. Seriously, y'all, he's a big guy, he's hard to miss.

United equalized early in the second half, as Wayne Rooney latched onto a boneheaded back-pass from Carvalho and slotted it past Petr Cech (despite the fact that he'd been limping around clutching his hip just a moment before), and it looked like they were starting to get into the game a bit more. But the lineup wasn't quite clicking -- it didn't help that Nani made the exact wrong decision every single time he got the ball -- and it was Chelsea who ended up with the winning goal, when they were awarded a penalty in the 84th minute for a supposed handball.

Now, I've only seen one version of the replay -- maybe from another angle it would be more obvious -- but from what I saw, it was really hard to tell if the ball actually hit Carrick's arm or not. From his reaction -- he looked totally stunned when they gave the penalty -- I didn't think it was handball, and even if the ball did hit his arm, it was down at his side at the time, certainly not being moved deliberately to block the shot. So I think it was a questionable call at best. Regardless, Ballack stepped up to coolly take the penalty, and thus destroyed any goodwill I might have had for him after his little spat with Drogba.

United had a couple of chances to equalize again late in the game, but they were both cleared off the line, the first by Ashley Cole, the second by Andriy Shevchenko -- possibly the most useful thing he's done all year, unless you count batting his eyelashes at Milan as useful, which I do not. So it was all to no avail, and the United players apparently took out their frustration by screaming at the officials and getting booked (Hargreaves), kicking a steward (Ferdinand; way to go on demonstrating your maturity to Capello, Rio), and getting into a fight with the Chelsea groundskeepers (Evra & co.).

Who says Chelsea v United is always a boring game?


Birmingham 2-2 Liverpool
Just like against Fulham last week, Liverpool fielded an understrength team ahead of their Champions League semi-final. You would have expected some of these fringe players to step up their game and try to prove that they deserve a spot in the starting lineup against Chelsea -- or not to be shipped out in the summer. And yet most of them played as if they just couldn't be arsed, as Birmingham took a 2-0 lead with one goal in each half. Jermaine Pennant was one of the few Liverpool players who came away with much credit, sparking their comeback in the last half-hour with a great run past three defenders to set up Peter Crouch for their first goal. Yossi Benayoun tied things up with a deflected header, as Birmingham threw away their lead and remain in the relegation zone, while the point for Liverpool guarantees them fourth place. So, job done, I guess.


Other results
Everton 2-2 Aston Villa
Manchester City 2-3 Fulham
Portsmouth 0-1 Blackburn
Sunderland 3-2 Middlesbrough
Tottenham 1-1 Bolton
West Ham 2-2 Newcastle
Wigan 0-0 Reading

• Fighting for a spot in the UEFA Cup, Everton and Villa played out a scoreless first half, before Everton took the lead through Phil Neville's deflected goal in the 56th minute. And then the game exploded late in the second half, with three goals in six minutes as Villa equalized twice -- but they still trail Everton by three points in the table.
  
• Fulham came back from 2-0 down in the last half-hour of their game, squeezing out a victory in extra time to give them a tiny glimmer of hope that they'll survive this season.
  
• Sunderland also scored an injury-time winner, which guarantees their spot in the Premiership for next year. Roy Keane may even have cracked a smile.
  
• West Ham and Newcastle played out an entirely meaningless game that showcased both teams' attacking talent and simultaneous defensive ineptitude -- which bodes well for their meetings with Man Utd and Chelsea next weekend.

Premiership Weekend Roundup: April 19-20

Blackburn 1-1 Manchester United
As I said last week, Blackburn are usually a tough team to play, but still I was hoping for more from United after Liverpool beat them the week before. I don't know if they were too keyed up, with the Premier League title almost within their grasp if they won here, but whatever the reason, they didn't start the game very well. Roque Santa Cruz put Blackburn ahead in the first half, getting between Rio Ferdinand and Nemanja Vidic, and United had to fight hard to get themselves back into the match. (Wayne Rooney, actually, took the fighting part a little too seriously, spending most of the match shouting at the referee for his perceived deficiencies.) Finally, in the 88th minute, Carlos Tevez popped up with another crucial goal, heading home from a corner. The draw at least means that even if United lose at Stamford Bridge this weekend, they can still win the title as long as they beat both Wigan and West Ham, thanks to their massively superior goal difference. But I'm nervous.

Fulham 0-2 Liverpool
Much like this fixture last year, Rafa Benitez put out a weakened lineup ahead of a crucial Champions League game, but it didn't help Fulham as they were comprehensively outplayed. I'd say that only about four of the Liverpool players are guaranteed to start tomorrow, but they all played as if they were trying to prove that they deserved a spot. Jermaine Pennant certainly might feel that he's earned a chance in place of Dirk Kuyt, as he scored the first goal and set up the second one -- although in both cases I think Kasey Keller could have done better to save them. Anyway, Liverpool have opened up an eight-point gap over Everton in the fight for fourth place, so they can relax a bit in the league, while Fulham are on the verge of relegation now.

Arsenal 2-0 Reading
With nothing much left to play for, Arsenal had an easy time of it against a lacklustre Reading side who are just hoping to survive in the Premiership. The Gunners were two goals up by halftime and could have easily had more in the second half, but were denied by the crossbar more than once. Highlight was probably the excellent performance from Theo Walcott, given a start for a change instead of coming on for a substitute. Lowlight was Alexander Hleb inexplicably smacking Graeme Murty in the face -- although the ref didn't see it. It'll be interesting to see if there's any retrospective punishment for that.

Aston Villa 5-1 Birmingham
It must really suck to be a Birmingham supporter today. Ouch. They were utterly taken apart by Villa, sparked by Ashley Young, who picked a good day to perform (um, not like that), with Fabio Capello watching. Young scored two goals, set up another for John Carew (who also bagged two), and along with Gabriel Agbonlahor, his pace was giving the Birmingham defenders fits. They did get a consolation goal in the second half, but it was cancelled out not much later as Agbonlahor scored Villa's fifth. Gareth Barry had a good game in the middle of the park, too. I can sort of understand why there are rumours floating around that Liverpool want to buy him, but don't they have a surfeit of central midfielders already?

Newcastle 2-0 Sunderland
Okay, Newcastle somehow are undefeated in the past six games. And -- even more astonishing -- they've kept a clean sheet in the last three of those. What the hell? Has Kevin Keegan given all their defenders brain transplants or something? (Maybe stem cells from Paolo Maldini?) They're doing pretty well at the other end of the pitch, too, with Michael Owen scoring six times in six games, and seeming to revel in his new role linking the midfielders and strikers. He looks revitalized -- even without the stimulus of the Euros this summer -- and I'm curious to see what Fabio Capello will do with him now.

Other results
Manchester City 3-1 Portsmouth
Middlesbrough 0-1 Bolton
West Ham 2-1 Derby
Wigan 1-1 Tottenham

Random Friday news

• I'm off to the home opener for Toronto FC tomorrow afternoon. Toronto are coming off a somewhat surprising 3-2 victory over the LA Galaxy, thanks to a late goal from Jeff Cunningham. (Which reminds me, I really ought to track down the highlights from that game, just so that I can laugh at Landon Donovan.) They face Real Salt Lake, whose last game was a 4-0 win again last year's champions DC United. I have no idea what their chances are, really, but it's supposed to be a warm, sunny afternoon down by the lake, so I don't much care.
  
  
• The Canadian women's team is going to the Olympics for the first time ever, after finishing second in the CONCACAF qualifying tournament last weekend. Canada beat Mexico 1-0 in the semi-finals to guarantee their spot in China this summer, and followed that up with a relatively meaningless 1-1 draw against the USA in the final, eventually losing 6-5 on penalties. The two teams will have a rematch next month in a friendly at RFK Stadium in Washington, DC.
  
  
• I suppose the title race in the Premiership is back on again -- they seem to change their minds on this every few days -- after Chelsea beat Everton 1-0 yesterday, leaving them just two points behind Manchester United. But they've also played one game more, and the draw with Wigan on Monday kind of took their legs out from under them (I have never liked Emile Heskey as much as I did then). Also, Avram Grant appears to be having some sort of meltdown.
  
  
• I continue to be irritated and slightly befuddled by the soap opera at Liverpool, but as far as I can tell it's boiled down to Hicks + Rafa versus Gillett + Parry. And I think what they should do to settle this whole thing is some WWF-style tag team wrestling. They could sell tickets, and the TV rights, and maybe even earn enough money to buy Fernando Torres for real.
  
  
• Finally, there's an interesting discussion over on Pitch Invasion about football fandom and gender. I half wanted to get involved, but I think first I have to brush up on my notes from my anthropological theory class. Anyway, check go it out.

Premiership Weekend Roundup: April 12-13

Manchester United 2-1 Arsenal
After a physically and emotionally draining game against Liverpool on Tuesday, Arsenal did well to reproduce that intensity against United yesterday -- but once again it was ultimately futile, as they were undone by a couple of defensive blunders.

The first half was scoreless but still had you on the edge of your seat; Arsenal probably could have opened the scoring before halftime but wasted a few chances, with Emmanuel Adebayor the most guilty. But it was Adebayor who gave Arsenal the lead, taking advantage of a laughable mix-up between Rio Ferdinand and Edwin van der Sar with a free header -- that might have actually come off his arm. United's defense continued to look shaky, with both Ferdinand and Wes Brown nearly scoring own-goals, but it didn't take long before they were back in the game, as William Gallas conceded a penalty for hand-ball.

The penalty was taken perfectly by Cristiano Ronaldo -- not once but twice, after the first one was called back for encroachment. This is where being unfathomably arrogant can come in handy, as he had the nerveless confidence to put it in the same place both times -- but it was so well struck that Jens Lehmann couldn't get to it. So much for Lehmann's claims that he's a better keeper than Manuel Almunia. (Oh, and Mad Jens also got himself booked in the middle of that, just for being an ass.) Lehmann might also have done better with United's game-winning goal, a free kick just outside the box for a foul on Patrice Evra by Gilberto -- a poor replacement for Mathieu Flamini's bite in midfield. Owen Hargreaves looped the kick up over the wall and into the net, with Lehmann rooted to the spot -- and yelling at his wall for not moving either. Oops.

A draw might have been a fair result, but despite all of Arsenal's effort and skill, United had the resolve -- and a little bit of luck -- necessary to come away with the win. And you also have to look at the impact of their substitutes: as Arsenal chased the game, Arsene Wenger turned to Nicklas Bendtner to replace Robin van Persie -- whereas United were able to bring on Anderson and Carlos Tevez for Paul Scholes and Ji-Sung Park. It's hard not to conclude that the difference in the two squads' depth is also the difference in their season.


Liverpool 3-1 Blackburn
This was a potentially tricky match for Liverpool, especially after the Champions League game in midweek, but they came through it relatively easily, in the end. Liverpool were dominant from the outset, but it stayed goalless for 60 minutes before Steven Gerrard broke through for the opening goal. He'd spent most of the game up until that point falling down whenever he got a chance and throwing tantrums when he didn't get the free kick; the first incident was probably the most blatant, as Brad Friedel slid in to clear the ball and Gerrard deliberately dragged his leg over the keeper to make it look like he'd been fouled. Steven, honey, I like you, but I like you much better when you're not cheating.

It just backfired anyway, because even if he was legitimately fouled after that, he was never going to get the call because he'd become the boy who cried "penalty." And look how much more effective it was when Gerrard actually stayed on his feet: storming into the box to score. He was also involved in the second goal -- Fernando Torres heading Gerrard's cross back over the keeper for his 30th goal of the season, which is not too shabby for a Premiership debutant. Substitute Andriy Voronin added a third in the 90th minute, sliding in to meet John Arne Riise's cross. The goal of the game was probably Roque Santa Cruz's fabulous volley in stoppage time -- but it was already game over at that point, and he didn't even bother to celebrate.

Also: I cannot keep track of who's stabbing who in the back in the Anfield boardroom, so I've decided to just continue my strategy of willful ignorance.


Other results
Birmingham 1-1 Everton
Bolton 1-0 West Ham
Derby 0-6 Aston Villa
Portsmouth 0-0 Newcastle
Reading 0-2 Fulham
Sunderland 1-2 Manchester City
Tottenham 1-1 Middlesbrough

Why do I always seem to be away during Champions League weeks?

Apologies for the lack of posts around here, but I've been on vacation all week. I meant to put something up before I left, but an insufficient amount of time and an oversufficient amount of alcohol conspired against it. Probably just as well, because all my Champions League predictions would have been woefully inaccurate.

The resort did have ESPN, but even I wasn't about to give up valuable beach time in favour of watching football. So I'm just catching up now.

• I did see the second half of United's game against Roma, as they took a 2-0 lead home to Old Trafford. It looked like a solid performance, not as over-cautious as they too often are when playing away in Europe. And Cristiano Ronaldo will have shut a few more people up with his goal here. The bad news is the injury to Nemanja Vidic; combined with Rio Ferdinand limping out of their game on the weekend, it leaves the back line looking rather shaky. Reminds me of last season, actually, when I think seem to recall them being forced into playing Darren Fletcher at right-back.
  
  
• Liverpool drew 1-1 with Arsenal at the Emirates, which gives them a slight advantage going into the second leg. But it's a very slight advantage. It's quite possible that Fernando Torres will score a brilliant goal and they'll put together another magnificent defensive performance and stymie Arsenal for 90 minutes, but it's equally possible that Pepe Reina will have a brain fart and then Dirk Kuyt will fall over his own feet when presented with an open net. I am expecting dreading that it's going to be another 1-1 followed by penalties.
  
  
• Chelsea took the lead against Fenerbahce through an own-goal, but then gave up two goals in the second half; it was the reverse of many of their games this season, as they played well but still lost. Ha. And Barcelona beat Schalke, as expected, albeit by only one goal -- the first Champions League goal for wunderkind Bojan Krkic.
  
  
• Meanwhile, in the league, United started the week by destroying Villa 4-0, demonstrating what they can do if you are foolish enough to go to Old Trafford and attempt to play rather than stringing 11 men across the goalmouth. They followed that up with a snowy 2-2 draw at Middlesbrough, who have been surprisingly tough against the so-called big teams this year. Uh-oh.
  
  
• Liverpool faced a couple of tricky games but have done pretty well, beating Everton 1-0 in the derby and then drawing against Arsenal with their second-string team in the league game sandwiched between their two Champions League matches. They still have only a narrow lead over Everton in the table, but it should be enough to preserve their spot in the top four. The boardroom drama continues; I continue to stick my fingers in my ears and chant "La la la I can't hear you."
  
  
• Chelsea are still steadily winning games, beating Middlesbrough and then Man City. They're now only three points behind Manchester United and I'm starting to get a bit worried. But I refuse to believe that United can be caught by a team managed by one of the Gorgs from Fraggle Rock.
  
  
• Arsenal staged an amazing comeback last weekend, beating a doomed Bolton 3-2 after going down 2-0 and then having a man sent off. I was laughing at them when I left for the airport at halftime, and then they had to go and win after all, the bastards.
  
  
• Also, Newcastle apparently don't suck anymore...when did that happen?
  
  
• In the FA Cup, Portsmouth beat West Brom and Cardiff beat Barnsley, both one-nil, to reach the finals. I am trying to care and failing miserably, especially now that designated minnows Barnsley are out.
  
  
• And here at home, Toronto FC are off to another dismal start to the season, losing their first two games on the road, against Columbus and DC United. I think this could be a chronic problem for them, because they're probably going to start every season away from home while they wait for the snow to melt. Makes it hard to build any sort of momentum when you've already dropped points in your first few games. A bit of good news (I guess?) is that they've signed Laurent Robert from Derby. Yeah, only in MLS is picking up a player from the worst team in the Premiership seen as an asset.

Premiership Weekend Roundup: March 22-23

Manchester United 3-0 Liverpool
A lot of people are blaming Javier Mascherano for Liverpool losing. A few people are blaming the referee. I'm going to do something a bit different and blame both of them.

Let's start with Mascherano. He's booked early on for a late tackle on Paul Scholes, although he's deliberately put his feet flat on the ground -- no high foot, no studs showing -- so it's maybe a bit harsh. Somewhat aggrieved by that, he spends a good portion of the first half yammering away at Steve Bennett. Then, just before halftime, Fernando Torres is booked for what I presume was dissent -- it wasn't particularly clear -- Mascherano makes the unnecessary and foolhardy decision to question this, and he's booked a second time, again for dissent. Now, I'm not going to argue that he isn't an idiot for getting involved. (And he didn't help his case by the way he reacted.) But I think the referee has to share some of the responsibility.

Leaving aside the first yellow card for Mascherano -- because I do think that could have gone either way -- let's look at the way Bennett handled the situation. There's been a lot of discussion this week about whether referees deserve more respect from the players, and I think generally they do. But the other side of that is that the players are also entitled to respect from the referees. I don't mean turning a blind eye when players whine about every call. I mean simply responding to players instead of stonewalling them.

Let's say the referee awards a free kick and a player asks, "What was that for?" There are two ways you can take that. One is that they're disputing the referee's decision. The other is that they're just not sure what the infringement is, and they want to know. Most of the time it's probably the first, but not always -- and when referees assume that it's always the player trying to argue, and as a result they get all defensive and refuse to answer, it just causes more problems.

Look at this game, specifically: Torres is booked for whatever comment he made. Then Mascherano comes over to ask what happened, and he's booked as well. As I said, it's a foolish thing for him to do, but I think it's reasonable to expect that you should be able to ask a question without getting sent off for it. There's certainly too many instances of dissent in the game today, and not enough of them are being punished, but there is also a difference between dissent and simply making a comment -- or at least there should be.

The FA is probably going to come down hard on Mascherano for not leaving the field immediately after being sent off. And I think that's harsh -- I can't really blame him for reacting incredulously to the second booking -- but I'm sure they're determined to make an example of him. Which is going to cripple Liverpool's midfield for the next few games, incidentally.

The real shame, though, is that the sending off pretty much ended this as a game. And regardless of whether I wanted United to win, I didn't want them to win like this. Unitd had already taken the lead in the 34th minute with an unlikely goalscorer, Wes Brown heading home from a corner, and were looking like the better team even before their opponents were reduced to 10 men. Liverpool did put a decent spell together in the second half, but they never really tested Edwin van der Sar, and it was only a matter of time before United scored again.

Wayne Rooney had been breaking through the defence too easily all game, and really should have scored at least once. Instead it was Cristiano Ronaldo with the second goal -- another header that Pepe Reina came to punch and missed, negating the good saves he'd made earlier in the game. Nani added a third just a couple minutes later, cutting inside and unleashing a scorching shot. By that point Liverpool looked like they just wanted it all to be over, while United were relishing the thought of moving six points clear of Arsenal at the top of the table.


Chelsea 2-1 Arsenal
The two teams were evenly matched for almost an hour (including the two least likeably players in the Premiership facing up against each other, with Emmanuel Eboue versus Ashley Cole) before Arsenal took the lead. As with United v. Liverpool, it was another unlikely goal from a right back, Bacary Sagna scoring from a corner when he probably shouldn't have been anywhere near the box. But unfortunately for Arsenal, the game proved to be a microcosm of their season, as they then surrendered the lead to a resurgent Chelsea -- who have now leapfrogged them into second place in the league.

Avram Grant's substitutions -- Juliano Belletti and Nicolas Anelka for Claude Makelele and Michael Ballack -- were criticized by the Chelsea fans but appeared to have an effect, as both players they were involved in the winning goal. (Neither of the players who were taken off looked particularly happy about it, by the way, with a scowling Ballack heading straight down the tunnel.) But the changes were hardly revolutionary, and in any case it was Didier Drogba who was really the difference between the teams here. He'd been hobbling earlier in the game and looked like he might come off, but shook it off and led his team brilliantly, ultimately scoring both their goals. I still don't like him, but he is a very good striker when he wants to be.


Other results
Aston Villa 0-1 Sunderland
Blackburn 3-1 Wigan
Bolton 0-0 Manchester City
Everton 1-1 West Ham
Middlesbrough 1-0 Derby
Newcastle 2-0 Fulham
Reading 2-1 Birmingham
Tottenham 2-0 Portsmouth

Premiership Weekend Roundup: March 15-16

Liverpool 2-1 Reading
Liverpool started slowly, and Reading took an early lead with a well-worked free kick, squared to Marek Matejovsky for a beautiful strike from the edge of the box. But Javier Mascherano cancelled that out with an equally well struck goal, his first for the club. You could see how much it meant to him -- not to mention how happy his teammates were on his behalf -- and he fully deserves the recognition, because this was another in a series of excellent games from him. Then it was a header from Fernando Torres -- who else -- to give them all three points. That makes Torres the first Liverpool striker since Robbie Fowler to score 20 league goals in a season, and he's well on his way to becoming a legend at Anfield. The rest of the team were average this weekend; although they dominated possession they could've capitalized on that more and saved themselves a slightly nerve-wracking end to the game. Still, this is their fifth Premier League win in a row, and they're in good shape going into the crucial series of upcoming games against United, Everton and Arsenal.

Derby 0-1 Manchester United
Everyone was predicting that this game was going to be a massacre. An embarrassment. And it was embarrassing, but mostly for United. This is Derby, after all -- probably the worst team in Premiership history. Coming away with anything less than four or five goals is kind of disappointing. But I think United were (unsurprisingly) overconfident coming into this game, and that translated into them not being quite as sharp as they needed to be. They wasted an incredible number of chances, and Roy Carroll also made a number of very good saves to keep them out. Cristiano Ronaldo was getting poutier and poutier with every miss, but he finally scored the one goal they needed in the 75th minute. And it wasn't all defence from Derby: at the other end of the field, Ben Foster had to make a couple of crucial saves as well. He was only starting because of the injury to Edwin van der Sar and Tomasz Kuszczak's suspension, but he certainly looks good enough to give you confidence for the future -- for both United and England.

Arsenal 1-1 Middlesbrough
Middlesbrough seem to be Arsenal's nemesis this year, beating them at the Riverside in September and earning a draw here with their hard work. Arsenal had a bit of bit of bad luck early on when Emmanuel Adebayor's goal was bizarrely ruled out out for offside. And it only got worse as former Arsenal player Jeremie Aliadiere scored for Boro with their one and only shot on target. Arsenal threw everything they had at the opposition goal but nothing seemed to work, with Middlesbrough hanging on by the skin of their teeth. It took a late goal by Kolo Toure to save a point for Arsenal, but that was all they got, as they couldn't take advantage of their extra man after Mido was sent off for (accidentally) kicking Gael Clichy in the face. So, their five-point lead has evaporated and they've ceded the top of the table to United. And now they also have to worry about Chelsea, who won again and are now just three points behind with a game in hand.

Other results
Fulham 1-0 Everton
Manchester City 2-1 Tottenham
Portsmouth 2-0 Aston Villa
Sunderland 0-1 Chelsea
West Ham 2-1 Blackburn

Premiership Weekend Roundup: March 8-9

Liverpool 3-0 Newcastle
Rafa resisted the urge to rotate too much ahead of Liverpool's Champions League rematch with Inter, just choosing to bring in Pennant and Benayoun and rest Kuyt and Babel on the wings, and forced to replace the injured Mascherano with Lucas. But he left Gerrard and Torres in the starting lineup, and with the terrific form they're both in right now, you wouldn't want to see them left out anyway.

Not only are they playing well individually, but they've developed a fantastic understanding between the two of them. Gerrard set up Torres for one goal, and he returned the favour for another. (Meanwhile, Michael Owen, who in an alternate universe would have come to Anfield this summer instead of Torres, was wandering around looking sad and lonely up front for Newcastle.)

It took a while for Liverpool to find the opening goal, as Newcastle's defence were slightly less hopeless than usual -- and they did need a bit of luck, with Luis Enrique's clearance shanked off Pennant and looping into the net. But Torres's goal came just a couple minutes later, and then Gerrard finished things off early in the second half. That gave Liverpool a comfortable three-goal lead and let Rafa substitute his star players and wrap them up in cotton wool for a couple days.

So that was enjoyable. The only thing that bugged me was the way the commentators kept going on about how Liverpool's play had deteriorated once Gerrard and Torres came off, as if the rest of the team was just shit. Sure, they were less threatening after that, but you don't suppose it might have had something to do with the fact that they were three goals up and didn't really need to push themselves? Bah.

Wigan 0-0 Arsenal
Arsenal were held to a draw once again, frustrated by a combination of hard work by Wigan and a few good saves by Chris Kirkland. Even Robin van Persie's return from injury as a substitute here wasn't enough to bring them a goal. Wigan were constantly hustling to close Arsenal down and stop them getting into their passing rhythm, although didn't ever look likely to score in their own right. And Arsenal were also hampered by the terrible pitch, which was reminiscent of some of the mudslikes that my rec league plays on. Anyway, they've dropped more points, which is great news for United snapping at their heels.

Tottenham 4-0 West Ham
West Ham really do need to shore up their defence; they conceded two goals in the first 10 minutes here, both from Tom Huddlestone free kicks that were headed home by Berbatov. And they didn't help themselves when Boa Morte was sent off before halftime for a second late tackle -- and he was lucky to have lasted as long as he did. The Hammers have now lost 4-0 for the past three games in a row, which is abysmal -- although the results don't seem to have made much difference, because they're still marooned alone in mid-table no man's land. As for Tottenham, it looks like they've finally shaken off their hangover, although it may not help them with the UEFA Cup.

Other results
Blackburn 1-1 Fulham
Reading 2-0 Manchester City
Sunderland 0-1 Everton

When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high...

Liverpool 4-0 West Ham
Seriously, y'all, I am running out of superlatives for Fernando Torres. That was his third hat-trick of the season. That's as many goals in three games as Dirk Kuyt has scored all season. Not that I mean to slag off Kuyt, actually (for a change), because he set up Torres's first two goals and had another decent game.

It was nice to see Liverpool running up the score like this, but I do wish it hadn't taken them so long to get the second goal. After Torres opened the scoring early in the first half, they seemed content to just sit back on their lead and pass the ball around rather than really going for it. I don't know if that was a deliberate strategy or if they were just trying to conserve their energy for the upcoming games. But it's frustrating to watch when you know how much better they are capable of being.

Also frustrating: the ongoing ownership tug-of-war. First the owners want to sell. Then they don't want to sell. Then Gillett wants to sell but Hicks doesn't. Or maybe Hicks wants to sell but Gillett wants a monkey and a sparkly tiara and a pony. I can't keep up, and any attempt to do so is making my forehead as wrinkly as Steven Gerrard's.

Premiership Weekend Roundup: March 1-2

Bolton 1-3 Liverpool
When you are looking for your first win at Bolton in...um, a long time (I'm too lazy to look it up, sorry), it really helps if they hand you the first goal on a silver plate. Which is what happened here: a low, long-range shot from Steven Gerrard that was headed just wide until Jussi Jaaskelainen attempted to block it but somehow deflected the ball back into his own net. Having that goal gave Liverpool confidence and enabled them to pass the ball around calmly, and opened up the game as Bolton had to go looking for an equalizer. The problem is that with Nicolas Anelka gone to Stamford Bridge, they don't have much of a goal-scoring threat up front.

For Liverpool, Fernando Torres has been the main threat this season, but he had a relatively quiet game here. Ryan Babel was probably their most dangerous player; he still needs to add some variety to his repertoire, rather than cutting inside onto his right foot all the time, but he did score and terrorized the Bolton defence throughout. I'm still not convinced that Dirk Kuyt should be playing on the other wing, but he did look better today. (Maybe Rafa figures that he's not much of a goal-scorer, so you might as well play him out wide?)

One thing Liverpool need to do is work on their defending at set-pieces. People have been criticizing their zonal marking system for ages, but whereas before they were keeping plenty of clean sheets, this season they seem to be giving up a goal just about every game, and most of them are from set plays. Like the late goal they conceded here -- although at least Fabio Aurelio had given them a bit of insurance just a few minutes before, a beautiful volley for his first-ever Liverpool goal. Anyway, another three points in the bag, and now they have to do the same against West Ham on Wednesday to move back ahead of Everton into fourth place.


Fulham 0-3 Manchester United
When United start with Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo on the bench, is that reassuring for their opponents or just insulting? It should be the latter, but I suspect Fulham were just happy that it wasn't any worse for them -- especially Paul Stalteri at right-back, who was roasted more thoroughly than any hooker at one of Ronaldo's parties (and also reminded us of why the Canadian national team is so mediocre).

United never really got out of first gear, but they didn't need to. Owen Hargreaves scored his first goal for the club with an excellent free kick. And Fulham continued their hospitality by allowing Park Ji-Sung his first goal in almost a year, followed by an own-goal to top things off. Oh, but Fulham did finally bring on two strikers in stoppage time -- a futile use of substitutions that sent the commentators I was listening to into a sort of bemused apoplexy.


Arsenal 1-1 Aston Villa
Ohh, so close! So close to a great victory for Villa -- and so close to Manchester United going top of the table on goal difference. I managed to catch the last five minutes of the game yesterday, just in time to see Nicklas Bendtner equalize for Arsenal at the very end of stoppage time. Argh. The fight-back may be a boost to them, but from my perspective, at least they only got one point from this game. And one point is also all that separates them from United in second place.

Also encouraging for rest of the league is that Villa proved that you don't have to kick to death Arsenal to beat them; you just have to out-hustle and out-think them. Arsenal looked disjointed from the outset, and although they threatened more as the game went on, they still weren't producing enough shots that really tested the keeper. (Exception: The hapless Phil Senderos, who I can't even laugh at for that own-goal, because his droopy face makes me want to pat him on the head and bake him cookies.)


West Ham 0-4 Chelsea
Hmm. At least I got to see Frank Lampard sent off. I'm still not entirely sure what the red card was for -- kicking at Luis Boa Morte as he got up from a tackle, shoving him down again afterwards, or what -- or why Boa Morte also didn't get carded for kicking out at Lampard in return. But it means three games with no chance of having to watch that obnoxious ring-kissing celebration, so whatever.

The sending-off might have been controversial, but it didn't really change the game. It was all over by that point, with three Chelsea goals in five first-half minutes: a Lampard penalty plus two sweet finishes by JOe Cole and Michael Ballack. The Chelsea team was dramatically changed from the lineup that they fielded in the Carling Cup, and looked much more effective. Makes you wonder why they left Joe Cole, for example, on the bench for so long last weekend. But then, I'm not a control-freak Russian billionaire, so what do I know about football?


Birmingham 4-1 Tottenham
I suspect that the Tottenham players are still hung over after last weekend. I mean, credit to Birmingham for a solid performance, and Spurs were admittedly fielding a weakened lineup ahead of their UEFA Cup game on Thursday, but come on. When you are giving up hat-tricks to Mikael Forssell, that is not good. Maybe we can blame the yellow kits.


Other results
Everton 3-1 Portsmouth
Derby 0-0 Sunderland
Manchester City 0-0 Wigan
Middlesbrough 0-1 Reading
Newcastle 0-1 Blackburn

Premiership Weekend Roundup: February 23-24

Liverpool 3-2 Middlesbrough
Just in case you needed reminding: Fernando Torres was worth every penny that Rafa Benitez paid for him this summer. His hat-trick here -- which was his second of the season, by the way -- was pretty much the only good thing about Liverpool in this game. Plus an honorable mention to Sami Hyypia, who's having a much better season than anyone expected and had to shepherd Alvaro Arbeloa through the match at centre-half.

Liverpool's back line is carrying a few injuries right now, and Jamie Carragher was suspended on Saturday, so maybe that's why their defending was so awful all game. Tuncay scored Middlesborough's first goal with an unmarked header, and could have had a second goal if he hadn't decided to put the ball in the net with his arm rather than his head. All because of sloppy play by Liverpool, who seem to be making things way harder for themselves than they need to be.

But back to Torres: He's got strength, speed, skill on the ball and, at least at the moment, lethal finishing. (I've also seen him guilty of some shocking misses, but right now, wow, is he on form.) He pounced on a brainless back-header from Julio Arca for the first goal, rounding the keeper and avoiding a couple of tackles before slotting the ball home. For his second, just a couple minutes later, he made himself a yard of space and smashed the ball past the keeper into the corner of the net with a combination of power and precision that Steven Gerrard would have been proud of. The third goal I didn't see, no thanks to Setanta, but we'll assume it was just as good.

As for the rest of the team, the less said, the better. I thought that Lucas in particular was useless, and I'm not just saying that because of my thing about Xabi Alonso. I do like the 4-2-3-1 formation that they were playing, but I think it works better if you've got two proper wingers (i.e., not Dirk Kuyt). It also can leave you playing very narrow if the fullbacks don't get forward -- or, alternatively, vulnerable on the flanks to crosses like the ones Boro were putting in all game.

I feel like I also should say something about the red card for Aliadiere at the end of the game, but did it really make a difference? Maybe Mascherano was lucky not to be sent off as well; maybe the ref didn't see it; maybe he figured it was less serious since Mascherano didn't actually take a swing at another player. Who knows.


Newcastle 1-5 Manchester United
Newcastle really are a farce, aren't they? There were points during the game on Saturday where Manchester United just looked like they were playing with them.

The most glaring problem is their defence, or lack thereof. (I kind of wondered when Shay Given went off at halftime if it was not because of an injury but because he just couldn't cope with the incompetence in front of him anymore.) It was obvious from United's first goal, when Cristiano Ronaldo's cross found Wayne Rooney in acres of space in the box, after N'Zogbia had decided that marking him was optional. The second goal was more about a great ball from Michael Carrick -- who had an excellent game, and I feel compelled to point this out because I've criticized him a lot in the past, but he's getting quite good at those perfectly weighted passes through the defence for the strikers to feed on.

The third: well, more hopeless defending; I think some Newcastle player tried to make a tackle, but failed utterly and let Ronaldo in on goal for his second of the game. Newcastle did pull a goal back off a corner late in the second half, but it was too little, too late. And United responded by scoring again almost immediately: Newcastle didn't clear their lines and Rooney looped the ball into the top corner. Plus another one in stoppage time, as Rooney, despite being on a hat-trick, unselfishly set up Louis Saha, who was in a better position to score and did. United haven't had many easier games this season -- aside from maybe the last time they played Newcastle. And with Arsenal dropping points earlier in the day, they've cut the gap at the top of the table to a very slim three points.


Arsenal 2-2 Birmingham
No schadenfreude from me today. I can't really take pleasure in any game with an injury as horrific as the one to Eduardo, even if it does end up with Arsenal dropping points. I haven't seen any graphic pictures of the tackle, but based on what I've read, I don't want to see them either. (I'd prefer to be able to play tonight and not be paranoid about getting hurt.) I don't think Martin Taylor intended to hurt Eduardo -- it didn't look like a malicious tackle, from what I saw -- but it was late and high, and he thoroughly deserved to be sent off.

Birminham, surprisingly, took a first-half lead with a free kick by James McFadden, as the Arsenal players looked a bit shell-shocked by what had happened. But Arsenal came back strongly after halftime with two goals from Theo Walcott -- his first and second Premiership goals ever. Arsenal dominated for the remainder of the game but didn't convert that dominance into another goal. And they paid for it when Birmingham were awarded a penalty deep into stoppage time, with Gael Clichy switching off for a moment instead of clearing the ball and then committing a foul trying to win it back.

Finally: I was thoroughly unimpressed by William Gallas's behaviour at the end of the match. I've come across other commentators saying that he was upset because he'd wanted to win the game for Eduardo, but to me it looked more like he was pissed off at his teammates for fucking up. Not very captainly.


Other results
Blackburn 4-1 Bolton
Fulham 0-1 West Ham
Portsmouth 1-0 Sunderland
Reading 1-2 Aston Villa
Wigan 2-0 Derby

Premiership Weekend Roundup: February 9-10

Manchester United 1-2 Manchester City
So, I have a theory: United decided that they wanted people to properly appreciate the tragedy of Munich. That sense of desolation that the team and the fans must have felt. And the best way to do that? Lose the derby.

If I'm being serious, I suspect that the occasion did get to them. the after-effects of an international week probably didn't help either, because they looked pretty sluggish out there. A lot of sloppy passes. Matt Busby would not have approved.

From a happier perspective, I do like those retro kits. Ryan Giggs in particular looks like he was born to wear them.

Chelsea 0-0 Liverpool
I feel like I say this about Liverpool every week, but: Out of context, a draw away to Chelsea isn't a bad result. Chelsea are very hard to beat at Stamford Bridge. The problem is that Liverpool desperately need to rack up a few wins. They're still in fifth place now, and all that talk about having a game in hand is kind of pointless because chances aren't too good that they'll actually turn that into three points.

Liverpool were probably the better team, which is not saying much as they were both mediocre. But Liverpool did at least muster up a shot on goal, which is more than Chelsea managed. It was weird: with United losing and Arsenal yet to play, you'd expect Chelsea to grab this chance to close the gap, but they didn't look like they really wanted to win the game. As for Liverpool, two words for you: Dirk Kuyt.

Aston Villa 4-1 Newcastle
Surely nobody thought that Newcastle were going to get better at defending under Keegan than they were under Allardyce, did they? Michael Owen did at least score, in an attempt to prove a point to Fabio Capello, but in the scope of this game it was pretty much futile. Poor thing.

Other results
Everton 1-0 Reading
Bolton 1-0 Portsmouth
Derby 0-3 Tottenham
Middlesbrough 1-0 Fulham
Sunderland 2-0 Wigan
West Ham 1-1 Birmingham

Premiership Weekend Roundup: February 2-3

Liverpool 3-0 Sunderland
I was on the verge of declaring this blog a Liverpool-free zone until they got their act together and started winning again. And then they went out and beat Sunderland this weekend. I'm still mad at them, though. I'm mad at the players for being kind of crap -- that 3-0 scoreline was extremely flattering. And I'm mad at Rafa for his ever-more-inexplicable teamsheet. Lucas Leiva on the left wing? Jamie Carragher at right back? That is ridiculous, even if he did set up Liverpool's first goal. At the very least, it implies some rather disparaging things about Liverpool's fullbacks. (I know Arbeloa is injured, but Steve Finnan deserves better than that. He's had some off games recently, but he came on at left back -- yes, really! -- for the second half and did quite well. So.)

I'm also really worried about what is going on with Xabi Alonso. He used to be basically Rafa's second-in-command on the pitch. Now there are rumours coming out of Anfield that he's not happy and wants to leave, Rafa is saying he needs to step it up, and he can barely get a game. Look, I realize he hasn't been at his best since coming back from injury this season. But I think he needs a regular run of games to get his form and match fitness back completely -- not a start in one game, and then not even in the squad for the next. That's for your fringe players, not someone who is supposedly the brains of the team. I also realize that it's not always easy to fit Xabi, Gerrard and Mascherano into the same midfield, but there are ways to make it work. And although going back to Spain may turn out to be the best thing for Xabi's career, I think that Liverpool will be the poorer for it.


Tottenham 1-1 Manchester United
After beating Tottenham fairly comfortably in the FA Cup, United were lucky to salvage a point against them this time. Tottenham played an excellent game, closing down United relentlessly and forcing them into mistakes. Juande Ramos has certainly made them a fitter and defensively better organized team. (He's even made Jermaine Jenas into a good player. Astonishing.) As for United, they might have been tired after that pointless trip to Saudi Arabia. And I think they were unfortunate in the refereeing. But those are just excuses, and I still would've expected them to play better here.

And as for the booking for Wayne Rooney for going down in the area -- which, incidentally is going to rule him out of the Manchester derby -- my initial impression was that it wasn't a dive. There is a middle ground between a dive and a foul, after all; it's possible that Rooney just lost his balance, and based on his reaction, it didn't seem like he was looking for a penalty. But on the other hand, the fact that his reaction to getting booked wasn't to go raging after the ref and try to tear off his balls with one hand suggests that maybe he knew it was a fair call. Who knows. I've only seen it the once, so it's hard to judge. (Although if it was a dive, then of course I don't approve.)


Meanwhile, in the rest of the games, Arsenal won again, unfortunately, so they're now two points clear of United at the top of table. Chelsea drew with Portsmouth in a surprisingly entertaining match, but everything else was pretty dreary. Oh, aside from Jimmy Bullard making his comeback from that horrific injury and scoring a late winner for Fulham against Aston Villa. That one makes me happy, because Jimmy Bullard is awesome.

Other results
Birmingham 1-1 Derby
Blackburn 0-0 Everton
Fulham 2-1 Aston Villa
Newcastle 1-1 Middlesbrough
Portsmouth 1-1 Chelsea
Reading 0-2 Bolton
Wigan 1-0 West Ham