Women's World Cup Final

Germany 2-0 Brazil

The final match featured the two countries that have undoubtedly been the best teams over the course of the tournament -- albeit with very different styles of play. All the cliches about the men's teams -- Germany strong, well organized, good in the air and clinical in front of goal; Brazil full of flair but weak at the back, and not afraid of a bit of simulation -- were equally applicable here. And in fact this was a replay of the men's World Cup final from 2002, even ending with an identical scoreline -- although it was 2-0 in favour of Germany this time around.

Brazil's defensive shakiness was apparent from the outset, with Kerstin Garefrekes shooting into the side netting, but nevertheless it was the Brazilians who had the better of the early chances and nearly scored from a free kick by Daniela in the 7th minute. Daniela also hammered a volley off the post in the 23rd minute -- she had a number of good chances throughout the game, but just couldn't seem to score. Germany also wasted a few chances and were having problems coping with the Brazilians' pace at the back, but they held on well and it was all scoreless going into halftime.

Germany came out stronger in the second half, and in the 51st minute, captain Birgit Prinz broke the deadlock. The ball was fed forward to Sandra Smisek -- who'd spurned a great opportunity to score in the first half -- and she checked back and laid it off to Prinz, who beat Andreia from 10 yards out. Brazil looked for an equalizer immediately, with a breakaway by Marta, but she was denied by a last-ditch tackle in the box. Germany responded by almost doubling their lead from a corner kick, as Annike Krahn's header flashed just wide of the net.

Then, in the 62nd minute, the moment that could have changed the match: Another break forward by Brazil, this time by Cristiane, and again the player was taken down in the box. But this time the referee rightly awarded a penalty against Linda Bresonik, which Marta stepped up to take. It wasn't well taken, though -- fairly central, and at the right height for the keeper -- and was easily blocked by Nadine Angerer, who had an excellent game in goal for Germany. A few minutes later, she followed up her penalty save by diving to push a free kick onto the post and preserve her record streak without conceding a goal.

Brazil continued to throw players forward, with Germany content to fend them off and look to attack on the break. It must have been a long, nervous second half for the Germans, though, as their second goal didn't come until the 85th minute, when substitute Fatmire Bajramaj won a corner that was headed in powerfully by Simone Laudehr to guarantee her team the victory. It made Germany the first team to win back-to-back Women's World Cups. And although there were good performances all over the pitch, from players on both sides, it ultimately came down to the two stars: Birgit Prinz, who delievered when it counted, and Marta, who didn't.

After the game, Marta was awarded both the Golden Ball and the Golden BootShoe. (I wonder if they're still voting on that before the final is over.) Birgit Prinz had to settle for the Silver Shoe -- and of course the World Cup itself, which is not a bad consolation prize.

The USA recovered a bit of dignity in the bronze medal match, beating Norway 4-1 to claim third place, with a brace from Abby Wambach. Hope Solo? Not even on the bench. Ouch. That's going to be a long, cold plane ride home.

And just to throw my two cents in: Yes, her post-game interview probably wasn't the smartest thing she could have done. If she'd kept her mouth shut, she'd be PR gold right now. But I can't fault her too much for not showing loyalty to her team, when it doesn't seem that they'd shown her much loyalty either with the original decision to bench her. (And if anything, she was criticizing the coaching decisions, not her teammates themselves.) But it seems to me that they're using her to deflect attention from the fact that the rest of the team didn't play well, and I think the way they've made her into a scaepgoat for their own failure is really shabby.

Women's World Cup: Semi-finals

Germany 3-0 Norway
This matchup between two of the traditional powers of women's football was actually much closer than the score would suggest. Both teams started strongly, and it was a very fast, open game, with Germany and Norway taking it in turns to break downfield, and only some excellent tackles from both sides preventing a goal. Norway probably had the better of the early chances, but Germany were always looking to cause trouble with Birgit Prinz and Kerstin Garefrekes running at the Norwegian defenders. And it was Prinz who created the opening goal just before halftime: fed from the wing by Fatmire Bajramaj, who'd come on as a sub just moments before, she cut the ball back across the 6-yard box, only for Norway's Trine Ronning to head it into her own net.

Norway almost equalized from a corner soon after, but they were still trailing at halftime and Germany were the stronger team after the break. The Germans' second goal didn't come until the 70th minute, however, as Kerstin Stegemann looped the ball over the keeper and in off the far post. The third goal came just five minutes later, as Martina Mueller pounced on an underhit backpass to put the final nail in the coffin for Norway.


USA 0-4 Brazil
I have to admit that I was shocked by this result: the pre-tournament favourites beated by upstart Brazil. (Shocked, and a little bit gloating; that's what you get for that obnoxious Nike campaign.)

The big story obviously is coach Greg Ryan's decision to replace Hope Solo with Brianna Scurry in goal. Ryan's going to get a lot of stick for this, and rightly so; Solo gave up two goals in the USA's opening game against North Korea but hadn't put a foot wrong since, and she deserved to keep her place, no matter how experienced Scurry is. Ryan supposely felt that Scurry's shot-stopping ability was more suited to the Brazilian's style of play, but nevertheless, switching goalies partway through a tournament is just dumb. First of all there's the always touchy question of whether your keeper will be psychologically prepared and confident, and second there's the risk that you'll mess up the all-important communication between the keeper and the defenders. I suspect that's what led to the first goal, an own-goal from a corner: in the replay you could see Scurry calling for the ball, but Leslie Osborne intervened and headed it into her own net. And it's possible that Scurry was at fault for Brazil's second goal, too -- a low, hard shot by Marta that beat her at the near post.

The USA's problems were compounded by Shannon Boxx being sent off for a second yellow just before halftime -- a terrible call by the referee. It looked like Boxx and Cristiane had just gotten their feet tangled up accidentally, and both players went down together. Cristiane was actually behind Boxx at the time, so if anything the foul should have gone the other way. Even before that, though, the USA was finding it hard to contain Brazil, with the Brazilians' pace and skill on the ball giving them problems from the beginning. Brazil came out strongly in the second half and sliced open the USA again with a goal from Cristiane. After that they had the luxury of slowing the game down and showing off their tricks -- like Marta's flick over the defender for their fourth goal.


The final between Germany and Brazil should be very interesting. I think I've been underestimating Brazil because, although I knew that they could score goals, I suspected that their defence could be kind of shaky. So I'm curious to see what will happen when they come up against a team like Germany that has a solid defense and no problem scoring goals of their own. (Kind of like what I expected from the USA, actually.) I'll be cheering for Germany, like I usually do. I suppose Brazil are the underdogs, but they're still Brazil, and besides, I don't think I can cheer for a team that was diving like they were -- not to mention the way Cristiane celebrated when Boxx got sent off, which just left a bad taste in my mouth. I really have no idea who's going to win, though.

As for the third-place match, the big question is who'll get the start in goal for the USA. And also whether Hope Solo has found the time to punch Greg Ryan in the face.

Women's World Cup: Quarter-finals

Germany 3-0 Korea DPR
Norway 1-0 China
USA 3-0 England
Brazil 3-2 Australia

All the results in this round were pretty much as you'd expect. North Korea worked hard but were eventually dispatched with stereotypical Germany efficiency, with goals from Kerstin Garefrekes, Renate Lingor and Annike Krahn. Hosts China were knocked out by Norway thanks to Isabell Herlovsen's first-half goal, with the Chinese squandering too many chances.

England held the USA to a scoreless draw at halftime and must have been hoping for a repeat of their first-round result against Germany, but the Americans took over after the break, with Abby Wambach, Shannon Boxx and Kristine Lilly all scoring.

In the last of the quarter-finals, Brazil dominated the game and took a 2-0 lead over Australia midway through the first half. But the Matildas fought back and equalized, before Cristiane scored in the 75th minute to take Brazil into the semis.


I also want to go back to the draw between Canada and Australia that ended up with the Canadians being knocked out. Canada took the lead within about 30 seconds, but I think that early goal actually hurt them, because it meant that Australia came at them hard, while Canada just tried to defend. They held out until halftime but Australia equalized soon after, and Canada played much better after that, knowing that they needed a win to progress. It looked like they'd done it when Christine Sinclair headed home in a corner in the 85th minute, but then Cheryl Salisbury scored late in stoppage time to put Australia through.

A dramatic way to go out, but so disappointing for the Canadians, especially after they reached the semi-finals in 2003. I think that maybe they overachieved last time around, and this time they just weren't quite good enough. Although the battle between them and Australia was very close, I didn't see enough to suggest that they would have gone on to beat one of the other teams in the quarter-finals.

Women's World Cup: Day 5

Now that's more like it: Canada recovered from the disappointment of their opening game against Norway with a comprehensive 4-0 victory over Ghana. Canada took the lead through a header from Christine Sinclair -- now Canada's top scorer at the World Cup -- in the 16th minute, and added three more goals in the second half.

In the other Group C game, a late goal from substitute Lisa De Vanna earned Australia a draw with Norway, after the Norwegians had taken an early lead with Ragnhild Gulbrandsen's second goal of the tournament, coming in the fifth minute. The draw leaves Australia still top of the group on goal difference, but tied with Norway on four points, with Canada close behind on three points. Everything comes down to the final games, with Canada and Australia facing off while Norway take on the eliminated Ghana.

Brazil continued to dominate in Group D, thumping China 4-0 with a brace each from Marta and Cristiane, including three goals in the space of six minutes on either side of half-time. Meanwhile, Denmark dominated their game against New Zealand, but it took two free kicks in the second half to earn them the win, one curled into the top corner by Katrine Pedersen and the second headed home by Cathrine Paaske Sorensen.

The Kiwis, who failed to put a single shot on target during this game, have been virtually eliminated now, but the question of which two teams will go through is still unresolved. Brazil's place in the quarter-finals is almost set, thanks to their two wins and outstanding goal differential, but they have to play Denmark, in their third game. China are level with Denmark on points and will be hoping for Brazil to help them out by beating the Danes, while they take on New Zealand in a game they should expect to win.

Group C
Canada 4-0 Ghana
Australia 1-1 Norway

Group D
Brazil 4-0 China
Denmark 2-0 New Zealand

Women's World Cup: Day 3

The Canada-Norway match was the first one I've actually been able to watch all the way through (not just highlights), because the Mothercorp in its infinite wisdom is only showing the games featuring the Canadian team during the group rounds. I realize there's probably not much of an audience for women's soccer, but come on: the matches are all at some ungodly hour of the morning. Surely they could pre-empt the cartoons for a few days.

Anyway, the 2-1 loss is a bit disappointing for Canada, but not a terrible result, as you would have expected this to be the toughest of their group games. Possession was about 60/40 in favour of Norway, but in spite of that it still felt like a pretty even game, especially in the first half. Canada had the lead at the break, with a goal from Candace Chapman after being set up by good work from Christine Sinclair, but it could have been two, had it not for Melissa Tancredi's early goal being harshly disallowed for a phantom foul on the Norwegian keeper.

Tancredi was replaced after the interval by Rhian Wilkinson, and Norway came out the stronger team in the second half. With Canada retreating into a defensive shell, Norway poured on the pressure and quickly equalized with a goal by Ragnhild Gulbrandsen. The winning goal for Norway came late in the came, scrambled into the net by Ane Stangeland Horpestad from a corner. I have to wonder if substituting Tancredi was a mistake, because her physical presence had shaken up the Norwegian defence and allowed Canada to create some good chances -- much like Gulbrandsen did for Norway. The way both teams reorganized at halftime only benefitted Norway, as they took the game to Canada, and only a few outstanding saves from goalkeeper Erin McLeod kept the score as close as it was.

Australia, surprisingly, are on top of the group after the other Group C match, beating Ghana 4-1 to earn their first ever win at a World Cup. The Matildas took an early lead through Sarah Walsh and followed that up with two more goals in the second half before Anita Amankwa scored a consolation for Ghana. It was too little, too late, though, as her team were unable to turn their share of possession into clear chances, and Australia scored again soon after to put the game out of reach.

In Group D, China and Denmark played out one of the most engrossing games so far. Denmark fought back from a 2-0 deficit to tie the game in the 87th minute, but it was there was to be an even more dramatic ending to the match, as Xiaoli Song scored again for China just a minute later to secure the win. In the final match, New Zealand were comprehensively beaten by Brazil, who put five goals past them, including two from Marta. Still, at least the Kiwis managed not to capitulate as thoroughly as Argentina had in the tournament's opening game.

Group C
Norway 2-1 Canada
Ghana 1-4 Australia

Group D
New Zealand 0-5 Brazil
China 3-2 Denmark

Today's a rest day, and the second round of group games resumes tomorrow.

If you haven't seen any of the games, you should at least check out some of the highlights on the FIFA website, because there are some very good goals in there.

And a few other links:

• The Global Game has an interesting article about Marta and the state of women's soccer in Brazil
  
• The New York Times' Goal blog is covering the World Cup, albeit from an American-centric perspective
  
• Canada's Rhian Wilkinson is also blogging from China
  
• And finally, I don't believe I forgot to mention this earlier, but I have to pimp Kickster, an excellent new site covering women's football

Women's World Cup Preview: Group D

BRAZIL
Nickname: Canarinha
Current world ranking: 8
Coach: Jorge Barcellos, who previously led the U20s to the bronze medal at the world championship in 2006.
How they qualified: Runners-up to Argentina at the South American qualifying tournament in November 2006.
Past record: Have qualified for every World Cup – the only South American team to do so. Their previous best was a third-place finish in 1999.
Other results: Five-time South American Champions. Silver medalists at the 2004 Olympics.
Why they could win: The Brazilians have a skilful, fluid style of play and have also been working on improving their defence. On the other hand, they also have a relatively young side, and the lack of experience could bring them down.
Key players: Marta, the 2006 FIFA Women's Player of the Year, is essentially the female Ronaldinho. You've all see that YouTube video where she's basically dribbling around players for the fun of it, right? She's complemented up front by the left-footed Cristiane, who scored 12 goals in 7 games during their qualifying campaign, and the veteran Katia, appearing in her third World Cup.
Predicted finish: Quarter-finals

CHINA
Nickname: Steel Roses
Current world ranking: 11
Coach: Marika Domanski-Lyfors, who formerly coached Sweden, became China's first foreign manager when she took over this spring.
How they qualified: Qualified automatically as hosts, but also won the Asian championship in July 2006.
Past record: Runners-up to the USA in 1999, they were eliminated by Canada in the quarter-finals in 2003.
Other results: Eight-time AFC champions.
Why they could win: China have home-field advantage, which should give them an edge, but on the other hand there's a danger that they could crumble under the weight of expectation. The team will be trying to bounce back after a disastrous performance at the Algarve Cup earlier in the year.
Key players: Striker Han Duan, already a veteran at only 23, is speedy and good in the air. Ma Xiaoxu, another striker, is only 19 but was the AFC Women's Player of the Year in 2006. She won the golden ball and the golden shoe at last year's U20 world championship and is known as "Lady Wayne Rooney" in China – presumably for her goal-scoring prowess rather than any other similarities.
Predicted finish: Quarter-finals

DENMARK
Nickname: Nothing that I could find, but Wikipedia tells me that the men's team are called the "Danish Dynamite," which is…kind of lame, actually
Current world ranking: 6
Coach: Kenneth Heiner-Moller, who took charge last year after previously coaching the women's team at Brondby.
How they qualified: Narrowly won their UEFA qualifying group, with a 6-1-1 record.
Past record: Have made it to the quarter-finals twice, in 1991 and 1995, but failed to qualify in 2003.
Other results: Semi-finalists at Euro 2001; won the silver medal at the Algarve Cup this year.
Why they could win: Denmark have plenty of experience and are solid from back to front. They struggled through qualifying, though, and have never managed to set the world alight at this level.
Key players: Katrine Pedersen in defence, Anne Dot Eggers Nielsen in midfield, and Denmark's top scorer Meret Pedersen up front are the core of the team. They're complemented by attacking midfielder Catherine Paaske Sorensen, who was the top scorer in the Danish league last year.
Predicted finish: First-round elimination

NEW ZEALAND
Nickname: Football Ferns
Current world ranking: 23
Coach: John Herdman, who moved up to become the senior team's coach in March after guiding the U20s through the world championships last year.
How they qualified: Easily won the Oceania championship in April 2007, finishing with a +20 goal differential.
Past record: Qualified only once before, back in 1991, when they lost all three group games.
Other results: Not much; they were perennial runners-up in Oceania until Australia moved to the Asian federation.
Why they could win: Let's face it, they probably won't. New Zealand have a relatively young side, leavened by a handful of more experienced players. They'll just be looking to pick up their first points in a World Cup tournament.
Key players: Veteran Maia Jackman, making her first appearance at the World Cup, is a versatile player who can play as a striker, centre back, or right-sided midfielder.
Predicted finish: First-round elimination

Group Predictions
I originally picked Group B as the group of death, but I actually think it's this one, because Group B has the USA as clear favourites whereas here there are three teams all with an pretty equal chance of finishing on top. Denmark are ranked higher than both Brazil and China, but they're the weakest of the three Scandinavian teams and getting out of the group could be tough. I picked Brazil and China to go through, partly just for the sake of balance so that there'd be a South American and an Asian team in the quarter-finals.

Stuff that doesn't involve underage footballers

• I decided to watch the final of the Copa America between Argentina and Brazil on Sunday...not that I really like either team, but I figured that at least Argentina had been playing some good football throughout the tournament, so they'd be worth watching.
  
  Wrong.
  
  My theory us that they were so discombobulated by the sight of Julio Baptista acutally scoring that it totally threw them off their game. Baptista not only scored, it was a stunner, and coming so early in the match, it should have given Argentina lots of time to equalize. But although they did have a few good chances, it was Brazil who scored again. Well, technically it was Ayala, trying to atone for his earlier mistake against Baptista by clearing a dangerous ball in the box but sending it into his own goal by mistake. Ouch. It was 2-0 at halftime and 3-0 after an hour, with Argentina looking increasingly cranky and out of sorts. Brazil played like Italy -- solid defensively and then counterattacking dangerously -- whereas Argentina just played like crap.
  
  
• YNBA and I have done our second annual end-of-season awards. Yes, we know we're really behind on that. But it's never too late to award some lucky player Chav Of The Year.
  
  
• David Beckham was unveiled as an LA Galaxy player on Friday; I've got nothing new to say about it, so I won't. But I do have tickets to the Galaxy game against Toronto FC next month. I could sell mine and, you know, have a nice down payment on a house, but I think I'd rather see this one. Also, I wouldn't bet against the Toronto fans reviving some of the dirtier chants about Posh. (Speaking of whom, I watched that NBC special last night, and wow, that was not good.)
  
  
• Toronto picked up another point on the road, holding the Houston Dynamo to a scoreless draw despite having Maurice Edu sent off in the first half. Heading into the all-star break (the "Sierra Mist MLS All-Star Game at Dick's Sporting Goods Park"; how lame does that sound?) they're still second from bottom in the Eastern Conference, but frankly it seems to be much tougher than the Western Conference. And thanks to the MLS's "Everybody wins! Participation counts!" approach, they just have to be among the top 8 out of 13 teams to make the playoffs at the end of the season. That'll be tough, but it is possible.
  
  
• Canada may have sucked at the U20 World Cup, but the Canadian women's team is currently kicking ass at the Pan Am games in Brazil. They thrashed Uruguay 7-0 to open the tournament and then followed it up by beating Ecuador 4-0 yesterday. Some of the team members are also guest blogging over at Canada Kicks; too bad they're not very interesting so far.

World Cup Quarter-finals

The quarter-final matches that didn't make me want to stab anyone, that is...

Germany 1-1 Argentina (Germany wins 4-2 on penalties)
Let's say you're managing Argentina in the World Cup, and you've currently got a slim 1-0 lead over Germany in the quarter-finals. You've got Messi, Aimar and Saviola -- among others -- on the bench. What do you do?

Most of us would probably think, "This German team has been pretty good offensively so far. I don't think a one-goal lead is going to be enough. Their defence, on the other hand, is kind of shaky -- seeing as it mostly involves being tall and blond -- so let's see if we can score another one."

If you're Jose Pekerman, on the other hand, you take a page from Sven Goran Erikson's Big Book of Management Fuck-ups and pull off your main playmaker in favour of a defensive midfielder.

Which worked brilliantly, because Germany promptly went out and equalized.

So Pekerman fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go up against Germany on penalties when the World Cup is on the line.

(Did you see the pictures of Oliver Kahn hugging Jens Lehmann after the penalty shoot-out? Please tell me I'm not the only one who found that more than a little terrifying.)


Brazil 0-1 France
Somebody should've reminded Brazil that you have to do more than just show up to win the World Cup, no matter how bonito your joga is supposed to be. They never got out of second gear, whereas France has finally shaken off their first-round apathy and totally outclassed the Brazilians in this match.

I still think Thierry Henry needs to spend a little less time complaining about diving and a little more time studying the offside rule, but nevertheless I hope that France knocks those cheating Portuguese wankers out in the next round.


Italy 3-0 Ukraine
Italy, also, are stepping up their performance at just the right time. Admittedly, they had the easiest of all the quarter-final draws, but the Italians looked pretty solid. Their semi-final match with Germany should be fantastic. (Either that, or a deadly nil-nil draw.) As for Ukraine: thanks for playing, we have some lovely parting gifts for you.

Things we have learned from the World Cup this week

• Losing on a last-minute penalty is probably the shittiest way ever to go out of the World Cup. I wasn't a huge fan of the Socceroos going into the tournament -- due partly to their inexplicable connection with John Travolta -- but you've got to feel for them. Particularly Harry Kewell, who apparently missed their final game because he was struck down with gout. Yes, gout. Like he's Henry VIII or something?
  
  
• Switzerland make England look like a penalty-taking machine by comparison. Apart from that, they're extremely boring to watch, especially without Philippe Senderos running around all bloody.
  
  
• Half the guys on the Ukraine team are named Andriy. What is up with that?
  
  
• Brazil don't have to play pretty football to win. They just win. (Bastards.) Apparently this is fine for Brazil, whereas for England it sets off a national crisis.
  
  
• I should have known that cheering for Spain was a bad idea. I blithely ignored all that talk about them being perennial underachievers, because they actually had a good team this year. They cruised through the group stage, and I started to really believe they could do it. And then what happened? They choked like the big choking chokers they are.
  
  
• If Thierry Henry really believes that diving makes you a woman, then he should be out shopping for some new sports bras right about now.
  
  
• Yes, I'm still bitter.

Meanwhile, Information Builders has been compiling the World Cup statistics that really matter. I'm sure you'll all be shocked to learn that Italy leads the tournament in diving, while Holland is #1 for tantrums. (Link from World Cup Blog.)

And now, I have to go figure out what to do with my fantasy football team. I'm tempted to sell all the English players, because then they'd probably win just to spite me.

World Cup III: Togo, or not Togo

I've been complaining at being stuck at work while the World Cup matches are on, but the advantage is that I don't feel compelled to watch games like Togo v. Korea or Tunisia v. Saudi Arabia, and I can just follow them online instead. Sounds like both games had a lot of action, but not a lot of skill.

And, actually, you could say the same about Germany v. Poland. The Polish keeper, Boruc, was pretty good, but most of my entertainment came from wondering how many different ways the Germans could find to fuck up in front of goal. Also, Klinsmann really ought to remind them that passing into space is great, but not if your teammates are running in the opposite direction. Still, they got the win, and it looks like Germany will be the first team to book its place in the final 16.

Of the other games that I actually watched:

• Brazil 1-0 Croatia: It was probably impossible for Brazil to live up to all the pre-tournament hype, but they're going to have to step it up a notch if they want to win this thing. It's not that they were bad, they just weren't as fantastic as I'd expected. Croatia. meanwhile, are probably the best of what you'd think of as the second-tier European teams -- along with Serbia; if only the country didn't keep splitting into smaller and smaller pieces.
  
  
• Spain 4-0 Ukraine: I'm trying not to get too excited over this result, because chances are they're just going to choke in the quarter-finals, but damn that was a great performance from Spain. They've got an excellent midfield, now that Aragones seems to have stopped fucking around with his lineup (and got over his fear of the colour yellow), and they're very good at holding possession. I thought the penalty for Torres was a bad call by the ref, and I wouldn't be surprised if Shevchenko uses some of Abramovich's rubles to take out a hit on the linesmen, because he got screwed by offside calls a few times, but Spain were cruising in spite of the officiating.

Question of the day: Which of the supposed star strikers has underperformed the most so far? Ronaldo? Thierry Henry? Wee Michael Owen? My vote goes to Henry, because he doesn't have the excuse of recovering from injury or carrying around a whole extra person. Of course, he doesn't have the team built around him the way he does at Arsenal, but still, you expect him not to suck quite this much at an international level.

Oh, and the other advantage to watching the games on tape in the evening? The ability to fast-forward through all the annoying commercials (no more really cool oom-pah-pah bands!) and the half-time blather. I still think the Canadian commentators are better than the guys on ESPN, but really, they shouldn't have so much trouble pronouncing "Thierry Henry." Considering that we speak French here and all.

Sex, dives, and videotape

Football news that amused and/or disturbed me this week:

Brazil's coach is encouraging his players to have sex at the World Cup:

"I don't think that sex one day before the game will have any harm on the player. Just sex, no problem. The problem is, they don't eat, they don't sleep, they smoke and they drink. That is the problem. Sex? No, sex is always very good -- always welcome."

He continued,

"Psychologists say it is very important in the dressing room and coming from the hotel to the stadium that you do something with your hands, with your mouth."

Um, ok then. Let's remember that this is the team with Ronaldo and Ronaldinho. I really don't need those pictures in my head.

::

The English FA is pushing FIFA to use video replays to crack down on diving.

This could make players like Didier Drogba a little nervous. But Claude Makalele has stepped forward to defend his teammate.

"Didier is being badly treated but like the rest of us he is prepared to stand up like a man and take it on the chin."

Yes, if by that you mean "fall down spectacularly if you breathe on him wrong." Possibly something got lost in translation.

::

Scott Parker has been diagnosed with glandular fever, which I'm pretty sure is British for mono, and will be out for the rest of the season. So much for my "Scott Parker for England" campaign.

And does he have the worst luck ever or what? First he gets sold to Chelsea, spends most of the season either on the bench or out injured, then he gets shunted off to Newcastle, and now this. Glenn Hoddle would probably say he's paying for his sins in a previous life.

::

Rumour has it that Andriy Shevchenko has agreed to a deal that would take him to Chelsea this summer. Or maybe not. I really hope it's not true. First of all, the only thing that Chelsea have been missing is a truly world-class striker (no, Drogba doesn't count), and they certainly don't need to be any more dominant in the Premiership than they already are. Plus, I kind of like Shevchenko and I don't want him to be tainted with the Evil. Just say no to dirty Russian oil money, y'all.

::

Becks thinks that Sven-Goran Eriksson would be a great choice to take over as coach of Real Madrid.

"Sven is one of the best managers around and his name was bound to come into the equation. I think he would work well. He has been the English manager for five years and has handled the pressures there so I'm sure he can handle it wherever he manages. One of his biggest qualities is his man-management - the way he treats the players and what he gets out of the players. He gives the players a lot of respect."

Meanwhile, somewhere in England, Sven is doodling "Mrs S.G. Beckham" on his Trapper-Keeper notebook.