Showing posts with label Jose Mourinho. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jose Mourinho. Show all posts

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Like sands through the hour-glass

Chelsea have become quite the soap opera, haven't they? First they sack Avram Grant, about 10 minutes after he came within a few inches of winning the Champions League. They promise -- cross our hearts and hope to die -- not to sack his assistant Henk Ten Cate, and then, less than a week later, they go ahead and do it anyway. So much for those rumours about Frank Rijkaard coming to Stamford Bride, eh?

Actually, what with the possibility that it'll be the recently fired Roberto Mancini taking over, while Jose Mourinho replaces him at Inter, it's a turning into a love quadrangle worthy of Days of Our Lives. I can just picture Roman Abramovich in the role of Stefano DiMera.

All we need now is for Zlatan Ibrahimovic to be possessed by the devil, Shawn Wright-Phillips to go off to a magical Swiss boarding school and come back 5 years older and 6 inches taller, and Marco Materazzi to be revealed as John Terry's long-lost evil twin.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Bored now

It's been, what, barely a week? And I am already so over the Jose Mourinho vs. Roman Abramovich saga. Not to mention David Beckham vs. Real Madrid

Instead, today I bring you various other news of megalomania and insanity.

Sepp Blatter's latest brainwave: doing away with penalty shootouts in the World Cup final. Now, I hate games being decided by penalties as much as the next person (yes, even when it means that Liverpool wins), but even so, this seems like a spectacularly dumb idea. Blatter's proposal is that the teams would replay the game 48 hours later at the same venue. Because that won't cause any problems at all for the organizers, the exhausted players, or the fans who've flown in from all over the world and will now have to explain to their bosses that they need an extra two days of holidays.

Terrifying image of the week: Victoria Beckham in a car with Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Jennifer Lopez and her undead husband. No indication of where David was. Possibly in the trunk. Or running as far away as humanly possible.

Ok, I wasn't going to mention Chelsea, but this is just too good: Sven-Goran Eriksson apparently wants to take over from Jose Mourinho. That is sheer brilliance. A year from now, Chelsea will be playing in a toothless 4-5-1 with Stewart Downing and Theo Walcott on the wings, completely crap at taking penalties and defending set plays, and getting knocked out of every competition in the quarter-finals.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Why's everybody so cranky this week?

First up is the ever-cheerful Jose Mourinho, who's not happy about having potential transfers vetoed by the Chelsea board. He dropped the underperforming Andriy Shevchenko from the squad for today's match against Wigan, and is reportedly threatening to leave Roman Abramovich's pet striker to pick up his paycheque with the reserves unless he gets the funds he wants to buy players.

Let's not forget that this is the same man who, just last month, when asked how much money he needed for the transfer market, replied, "Nothing. I need the best goalkeeper in the world back, I need the best central defender in the world back."

It seems that the club have taken him at his word -- maybe not the wisest strategy for dealing with somebody whose relationship with reality is tenuous at best. But the straw that broke the Special One's back was apparently the board putting the kibosh on a deal to swap Shaun Wright-Phillips for Milan Baros. Sounds to me like they were just trying to save him from himself.

(I'm not sure how the idea that Chelsea don't want to spend any money in the transfer window fit in with the story that they're going to steal Owen Hargreaves out from under the nose of Manchester United. Although that could just be a rumour started by either Chelsea or Bayern Munich to force the price up and turn Sir Alex an even more fetching shade of purple.)

As you can probably tell, I don't have a lot of sympathy for Mourinho. And I'm not sure he's wise to try and take on the club management here. I'd be worried about being suddenly stricken with radiation poisoning or something like that. Still, hands up everybody who'd like to see Jose and Peter Kenyon bitch-slapping each other? Yeah, me too.

Anyway, this has all stirred up speculation that Mourinho might fuck off to Real Madrid in the summer -- and take Frank Lampard with him (all the better to get taken for a ride by random Spanish chauffeuses, I presume). Personally, I'm torn, because much as I'd like to see Chelsea in a managerial crisis, I would miss having Mourinho in the Premiership to snark at.

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Meanwhile, at Anfield, Rafa Benitez isn't happy with Liverpool's stingy board of directors, either. He claims that the Carling Cup debacle against Arsenal was a result of lack of funding. So, the team he picked had absolutely nothing to do with it, eh? (Hey, maybe I was right about #4!)

"That lesson is that if you want to compete at the top level you must be able to spend a lot of money - not only on your first team but on the young players and the reserves. My scouting department has done an excellent job but sometimes we go too slowly as a club to make signings we need. We need to work quickly. And when we do, there is not a lot of money."

Speaking of which, Jerzy Dudek is trying to pass the buck too. He's blaming his lack of playing time for his poor form.

"If you play one game every two months, it is really, really difficult to show your quality. As a goalkeeper, you can use experience but you can't build confidence in training."

Apparently you can't build up the ability to actually stop shots in training, either.

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One person you might expect to be happy right now is David Beckham, what with his giant piles of money and all that. But that might be somewhat tainted by Fabio Capello's announcement that he won't be playing for Real Madrid for the rest of the year. That's a decision I don't completely understand. I would think that Beckham would want to go out on a high in Spain -- not just for his personal pride, but to boost his profile as much as possible before he swans off to America. So either Capello doesn't understand what motivates Beckham, or he really just thinks he's crap.

I know you're all probably sick of the Beckham thing by now, but just one more item: AC Milan reportedly offered him a contract too. This, to me, makes him choosing MLS much more interesting. I think the Italian game might've suited him, and it would've allowed him to prolong his European career. So why MLS? Well, either it's the aforementioned giant piles of money, or he sincerely believes all that bumf about bringing the game to the masses and whatnot. Or Tom Cruise and the clams really have got to him. (I always kind of figured that Becks had grass for brains.)

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And finally: Dear Mike Newell: Please quit while you're behind. Love, the world.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Is it over yet?

I didn't pay a lot of attention to the transfer window last year, so I'm curious: Is it always this insane? Or was yesterday exceptionally nutty? I'm guessing it was the latter, what with the Tevez-and-Mascherano-to-West-Ham-yes-really thing. Not to mention Arsenal bilking some poor schmucks out of £2 million for Pascal Cygan.

At least we can be grateful that the endless wankfest of the Ashley Cole/William Gallas/Arsenal/Chelsea transfer saga is over. Oh, but Mourinho's cranky about it. Of course he is. Really, it ought to only be front-page news if Mourinho is happy about something. Daily Mirror: Jose: "Life is peachy-keen, thanks." Stop the presses!

And now that the dust has settled, it seems that Man United have bought Michael Carrick and...um, that's it, actually. Shit. At 7 pm yesterday I was hunched over my computer, yelling, "For the love of god, Fergie, would you just sign somebody already!? And no, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times, Paul Scholes doesn't count as a new signing!"

Owen Hargreaves' clever "If I just hold my breath long enough, Bayern will let me go!" ploy didn't work, and apparently there was no plan B to bring in a defensive midfielder. Or a striker to replace Van Nistelrooy, for that matter. And they've sent Rossi off to Newcastle on loan. Brilliant. Because the Toon have such a reputation for giving their toys back in one piece.

Liverpool, on the other hand, had a relatively sensible summer, bringing in Bellamy and Kuyt to replace Cisse and Morientes, plus a couple of proper wingers so maybe they can play Stevie G in the middle where he belongs. The only worry is that they've sold Jan Kromkamp to PSV -- not that Kromkamp ever impressed me, but now they've got no cover at right-back. Unless, as YNBA suggested, Steve Finnan has bionic legs. Or maybe a secret stash of stem cells.

Also, dear readers, if this blog just isn't shallow enough for you: check out Kickette.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Second verse, same as the first: Shut up, Jose

Everybody's favourite whinger is complaining about the seeding for the Champions League draw.

"It is the best competition in the world but you don't see the best clubs in the semi-finals," he said. "For me the competition is not correct and you are in a lucky situation if the best team in Europe wins the competition."

Um. Like when Porto won, then?

Mourinho doesn't like the fact that Chelsea could be put in a tough group and, if they end up finishing second, face one of the group winners in the next round. (Like last year, where they finished second to Liverpool and then had to play Barcelona.)

And, you know, there's a simple solution to that. Win your group. If Chelsea is really as fucking good as he thinks, then shouldn't they be able to win the competition anyway, without UEFA bending over backwards to make it easier?

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Shut up, Chelsea, part the umpteeth

Frank Lampard would like everyone to know that he's not bothered by all the abuse he gets from West Ham fans.

"I don't go back with anything to prove," Lampard said. "Far from it. I go back there as the runner-up world player of the year and with a championship medal. Coming from the area, I know what people are like. I think they made their mind up early about me being in the team because of my dad.

"I'm pretty stubborn ... and I know people there are stubborn and they didn't want to change their mind, and they still won't. I just go back there with the peace of mind of what I have achieved personally.

"I would like it if people could respect what I have done since I moved. Moving to Chelsea was the best thing I have ever done, so I have no problems going back there and holding my head up high."

"I always thought one day maybe it might tone down but I don't think it will. I think it might get worse but I think I'm a big enough man. When I first went back there four or five years ago I was nowhere near as big a player or person as I am now. I'm more than ready to take anything they throw at me.

"I do thrive on it. I'm so used to it now. I took that for a long time from West Ham fans during my playing days there, and that wasn't so nice. But when you are playing against them and taking it, it's much more of a drive and a motivation."

Not bothered at all. Not one little bit.


Meanwhile, Michael Essien was injured by a tackle from Nigel Reo-Coker in the West Ham game yesterday. AHAHA, KARMA. Um, sorry. Jose Mourinho, naturally, is not pleased. I have to say, though, that going by this picture, it looks like the tackle may have been late but it wasn't that high -- unlike Essien's challenge on Didi Hamann.


In related news, I am absurdly pleased to discover that this blog is the #2 hit if you google Jose Mourinho is a wanker.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Odds and ends

Rafa Benitez and Jose Mourinho are trying to outdo each other in the "I don't care at all about this game, no really" stakes ahead of their final Champions League match. I think Rafa has the edge, if only because he's decided to rest Xabi Alonso and sudden goal-scoring-phenom Peter Crouch.

But Mourinho is gracious as always:

"It is always harder," he said. "In the Premiership the best team wins. If we don't win, we have to accept someone was better over 38 games. In the Champions League you always need a little bit of luck at the crucial moment.

"They had luck against Chelsea in scoring that goal," he said of Luis GarcĂ­a's winner at Anfield in the semi-final second leg. "They were lucky in scoring in the last minute against Olympiakos."



Ole Gunnar Solskjaer looks set to return to fitness, after playing for the Man United reserves against Liverpool last night. It's a bit of a morale booster -- you have to root for the baby-faced Norwegian -- but I'd say it's of little practical value. I mean, is he really going to get a spot in the first team ahead of Rooney and Van Nistelrooy -- or even Guiseppi Rossi?


England have been seeded as one of the top eight teams for the World Cup, along with Brazil, Spain, Germany, Mexico, France, Argentina and Italy. That means they won't face any of those teams in the group stage. The rest of it is some complicated bumf about pots and whatnot, which which you can read about at the FIFA site if you really care, or just wait for the draw on Friday like the rest of us.


Meanwhile in Spain, Real Madrid have sacked Vanderlei Luxemburgo and David Beckham has been sent off with yet another red card. Hard to say which is less shocking.

Friday, October 28, 2005