Premiership Weekend Roundup: May 11

CAMPIONE, CAMPIONE, OLE OLE OLE...

Wigan 0-2 Manchester United
You couldn't have scripted it any better, in the end. Cristiano Ronaldo, the player of the year by about a gazillion miles, scores the first and ultimately winning goal, and then Ryan Giggs -- making his 758th appearance for United and matching Bobby Charlton's record -- makes the win secure with a late second goal. And goes on to lift the Premiership trophy for the second year in a row (not to mention the 10th time in his career).

There were, alas, some rather questionable refereeing decisions along the way: a penalty not given to Wigan for a possible handball by Rio Ferdinand, Paul Scholes staying on the pitch when he could -- and probably should -- have been sent off for cross-checking Wilson Palacios. But the bad decisions weren't all in favour of United, as they could have had a second penalty awarded after Scholes was tripped in the box. So, yeah, Steve Bennett is incompetent, but somehow I think that United would have contrived to win the game regardless.

They certainly didn't make it easy on themselves; or rather, Wigan didn't make it easy for them. The Latics can be proud of the fight they put up, and Chris Kirkland pulled off several good saves to keep the score down. United took the lead after half an hour, a clear-cut penalty for a foul on Wayne Rooney, which Ronaldo coolly dispatched. But it got more and more nerve-wracking as the game went on and they still had only a one-goal advantage. It wasn't until the 80th minute that they could relax, as Rooney split the defence with a simple through ball to Giggs -- I think it was the hapless Titus Bramble playing Giggs onside, actually -- and he slotted it past Kirkland. (I did a little dance in my living room. This is why it's better that I watch the games by myself.)

Chelsea, meanwhile, ended up with a draw at Bolton and finished two points behind United, which means that their goal difference was a moot point, and we can forget Avram Grant's suggestion the title should be decided with a play-off instead (although just for the record, United beat them 3-2 on aggregate this season). Of course I'm going to say this because I'm a United fan, but it seems to me like goal difference is a pretty good way to decide between two teams. It sums up their season -- and in United's case, they both scored the highest number of goals and conceded the least. No question that they deserved the title. Chelsea will have their chance for revenge in Moscow next week, but in the meantime: SUCK IT.

Also: No love for The Score, who had some kind of fuck-up with the satellite feed from Wigan that meant we missed almost the whole first half. They claimed that whatever the problem was, it wasn't their fault, but I'm not really inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt. Nobody should have to listen to Brian Budd blather on for an extra 40 minutes; it's just cruel.


Other results
Birmingham 4-1 Blackburn
Chelsea 1-1 Bolton
Derby 0-4 Reading
Everton 3-1 Newcastle
Middlesbrough 8-1 Manchester City
Portsmouth 0-1 Fulham
Sunderland 0-1 Arsenal
Tottenham 0-2 Liverpool
West Ham 2-2 Aston Villa

• Chelsea started their game against Bolton with a makeshift back line, and it got worse when John Terry was injured after just 10 minutes, dislocating his elbow in a collision with Petr Cech (you'd think he would have seen Cech coming, in that retina-scalding orange kit; it makes him look like a giant traffic cone). And their day got worse when news filtered through from Wigan that Manchester United were winning. A goal from substitute Andriy Shevchenko in the second half gave them some hope, but they were deflated by United's second goal against Wigan, and Bolton's stoppage-time equalizer finished them off.
  
  
• All three teams caught in the relegation battle won (I'm discounting Derby, since they were already doomed), and Birmingham and Reading scored four goals apiece. But it was a futile effort, as Fulham capped an amazing recovery with a late winner from Danny Murphy against Portsmouth to earn their survival. That means Reading were relegated based on goal difference, while Birmingham finished just one point behind and were also sent down.
  
  
• Everton guaranteed their spot in the UEFA Cup next year with a win over Newcastle, while Aston Villa will have to settle for the Intertoto Cup after drawing with West Ham.
  
  
• Liverpool cruised to a comfortable win against Tottenham in a game that was notable only for Fernando Torres's 24th league goal, which is a record for a foreign player in his first Premiership season.
  
  
• In another meaningless game, Theo Walcott scored Arsenal's only goal in their victory over Sunderland, as a season that started with so much promise ends without a trophy for the Gunners.
  
  
• Middlesbrough versus Man City should have been forgettable as well, but that changed when Richard Dunne was sent off after 15 minutes. Stewart Downing scored the resulting penalty (his first of two goals), and City totally fell apart. Boro scored a mind-boggling eight goals, which I think it would take them about three months to do normally, including a hat-trick for Afonso Alves. I think the City players may have decided to go on strike early rather than waiting for that trip to Thailand.

Premiership Weekend Roundup: March 8-9

Liverpool 3-0 Newcastle
Rafa resisted the urge to rotate too much ahead of Liverpool's Champions League rematch with Inter, just choosing to bring in Pennant and Benayoun and rest Kuyt and Babel on the wings, and forced to replace the injured Mascherano with Lucas. But he left Gerrard and Torres in the starting lineup, and with the terrific form they're both in right now, you wouldn't want to see them left out anyway.

Not only are they playing well individually, but they've developed a fantastic understanding between the two of them. Gerrard set up Torres for one goal, and he returned the favour for another. (Meanwhile, Michael Owen, who in an alternate universe would have come to Anfield this summer instead of Torres, was wandering around looking sad and lonely up front for Newcastle.)

It took a while for Liverpool to find the opening goal, as Newcastle's defence were slightly less hopeless than usual -- and they did need a bit of luck, with Luis Enrique's clearance shanked off Pennant and looping into the net. But Torres's goal came just a couple minutes later, and then Gerrard finished things off early in the second half. That gave Liverpool a comfortable three-goal lead and let Rafa substitute his star players and wrap them up in cotton wool for a couple days.

So that was enjoyable. The only thing that bugged me was the way the commentators kept going on about how Liverpool's play had deteriorated once Gerrard and Torres came off, as if the rest of the team was just shit. Sure, they were less threatening after that, but you don't suppose it might have had something to do with the fact that they were three goals up and didn't really need to push themselves? Bah.

Wigan 0-0 Arsenal
Arsenal were held to a draw once again, frustrated by a combination of hard work by Wigan and a few good saves by Chris Kirkland. Even Robin van Persie's return from injury as a substitute here wasn't enough to bring them a goal. Wigan were constantly hustling to close Arsenal down and stop them getting into their passing rhythm, although didn't ever look likely to score in their own right. And Arsenal were also hampered by the terrible pitch, which was reminiscent of some of the mudslikes that my rec league plays on. Anyway, they've dropped more points, which is great news for United snapping at their heels.

Tottenham 4-0 West Ham
West Ham really do need to shore up their defence; they conceded two goals in the first 10 minutes here, both from Tom Huddlestone free kicks that were headed home by Berbatov. And they didn't help themselves when Boa Morte was sent off before halftime for a second late tackle -- and he was lucky to have lasted as long as he did. The Hammers have now lost 4-0 for the past three games in a row, which is abysmal -- although the results don't seem to have made much difference, because they're still marooned alone in mid-table no man's land. As for Tottenham, it looks like they've finally shaken off their hangover, although it may not help them with the UEFA Cup.

Other results
Blackburn 1-1 Fulham
Reading 2-0 Manchester City
Sunderland 0-1 Everton

Premiership Weekend Roundup: November 24-25

Newcastle 0-3 Liverpool
A lot of teams seemed to be suffering from an international hangover this week, and Liverpool were no exception, despite the score. Aside from Steven Gerrard, who was fantastic -- and why the hell can't he do that for England, or even for Liverpool on a consistent basis? -- the team weren't all that great. But it didn't matter, because Newcastle were very bad, to the point of being incapable of getting the ball out of their own end. In fact, the scoreline would have been even more lopsided if Fernando Torres had put away even one or two of the chances he had. (I am trying my very best not to think about all the rumours flying around about Rafa throwing a hissy fit in the general direction of Hicks and Gillette.)

Bolton 1-0 Manchester United
Ok, so: last year Bolton were a decent team, and United thumped them home and away. This year they've been crap and yet United go down tamely to defeat. That is not right, y'all. I think part of the problem was that they let Bolton get to them with the constant fouling -- nothing that was too far over the line, but just enough to get under their skin. And of course there was that defensive fuckup by Gerard Pique, thrown on at centre half after Vidic was injured with Serbia. But the big part of the problem was that their attack wasn't clicking, with Rooney out and Saha ineffective (and contrast that with the difference that Nicolas Anelka made for Bolton). I still don't understand why Ronaldo wasn't at least on the bench; even if he needed a rest after the internationals, he could have managed 20 minutes at least.

Derby 0-2 Chelsea
Even an understrength Chelsea had no problem overcoming poor Derby, who continue to suck. But the game did serve as a preview of what Chelsea will be missing when Drogba and Essien (among others) take off to Africa in January. Really, apart from the eye-bleedingly horrific away kits, it was most notable for John Terry acting like a petulant two-year-old every time a decision went against his team. What a shining example for the national team he is.

Arsenal 2-0 Wigan
Arsenal left it very late to pull out a win, once again inspired by a goal from captain William Gallas. Before that they'd looked a bit sluggish, with Theo Walcott one of the few players who stood out, although there was still no end product for him in the form of a goal.

Everton 7-1 Sunderland
How would you like to be in the dressing room with Roy Keane after this match? *shiver* I imagine he could kill you without even loosening his tie. You do have to wonder, though, what kind of halftime team talk he gave, considering that Sunderland went in with the score at 3-1, still half a chance, and then came out and got even worse in the second half. Other questions: What more does Mikel Arteta have to do to get a game for Spain? And would the Sunderland defence have been more effective if they had just put four big piles of crap out there instead? ...Oh.

Other results
Manchester City 2-1 Reading
Birmingham 0-2 Portsmouth
Middlesbrough 0-3 Aston Villa
Fulham 2-2 Blackburn
West Ham 1-1 Tottenham

Premiership Weekend Roundup: November 3-4

Arsenal 2-2 Manchester United
If you'd offered me a draw beforehand, I would have snatched at it -- especially with United having lost this same fixture last year. But having come so close to winning, only to have it slip away at the last moment, it's impossible not to be a bit disappointed. I was happy with the way United played for the most part, though. They worked hard to close down Arsenal and didn't let them get into their fluid passing, and although they sometimes found it hard to establish a rhythm of their own, I think United had the better chances in the first half. And Wayne Rooney pounced on one of those half-chances just before halftime, turning in Ronaldo's cross off William Gallas at the near post.

But Arsenal equalized just after the break, with Edwin Van der Sar stopping Emmanuel Adebayor's shot after a flowing forward move, only for the rebound to be played out to Cesc Fabregas, whose finish took advantage of the keeper being out of position. Neither team seemed content to settle for a draw, though, with Arsenal bringing on Theo Walcott, and United countering that with Louis Saha and Michael Carrick in place of Carlos Tevez and Anderson. (Anderson, incidentally, had another good game; he may not have the guile of Paul Scholes in midfield -- at least not yet -- but he does offer the advantage of actually being able to tackle without getting booked for it.) It looked as if United's substitutions would win them the game, Saha playing a lovely reverse pass to Patrice Evra, who squared the ball for Cristiano Ronaldo to slot home. But there was a nervy end to the match for United, including Evra spooning the ball just over his own crossbar, and it ended with a stoppage-time scramble in the box, Gallas atoning for his earlier own-goal with an excellent finish; Van der Sar cleared the ball, but it had already crossed the line and the linesman rightly (much as I hate to say it) signaled the goal.

Speaking of the officials: I think Sir Alex is overreacting by claiming they were biased towards Arsenal, but I nevertheless would have liked it if Howard Webb could have refrained from whistling the play dead every 30 seconds and just let them play. Still, it was an exciting game, and it leaves things too close to call between these two teams; it's impossible to predict who's going to come out on top in the end.


Blackburn 0-0 Liverpool
Liverpool are, along with Arsenal, the only undefeated teams in the Premiership so far. But that's about all they have in common at the moment. Away to Blackburn is always a tricky match, but Liverpool looked very laboured here, lacking the kind of attacking creativity that they need if they're going to challenge for the title this year (or, for that matter, if they're going to get any farther in the Champions League). I understand that Rafa likes hard-working players, but that doesn't necessarily preclude players with flair as well -- you just have to look at the lineups in the Arsenal-United match to see that. Liverpool played the same 4-2-3-1 formation as last week, but with Ryan Babel and Yossi Benayoun on the wings -- a change that I actually prefer, although they did both have an unfortunate tendency to creep in towards the middle too much, rather than using the space to spread the play out.

With Fernando Torres injured and Andriy Voronin's wife having gone into labour, Dirk Kuyt was on his own up front and...well, he tried hard. But he just didn't seem to know what to do once he'd gotten into the 18-yard box. It was the sort of headless chicken display unhappily reminiscent of Milan Baros, except without the pace. The moment that stood out the most was Steven Gerrard, supporting the play, steaming into the box only for Kuyt to dribble the ball tamely into the keeper. I also have to wonder what Peter Crouch has done that means Rafa doesn't trust him anymore, because Liverpool did look much better once he and Harry Kewell came on, forcing a couple of good saves from Brad Friedel. Maybe if they'd been brought on earlier, Liverpool could have picked up all three points and closed the gap on the teams above them. As it is, though, they should just be thankful that Jamie Carragher continues his charmed life, not conceding a penalty despite going in to block a shot with his arms up over his head.


Wigan 0-2 Chelsea
With Chelsea in form right now and Wigan emphatically not, the scoreline was pretty predictable. The only thing mildly surprising, actually, was that Didier Drogba wasn't one of the goal-scorers for Chelsea. He was involved in the first goal, though, feeding the ball out to Shaun Wright-Phillips to run at the defenders and sent a curling ball across behind the Wigan back line for Frank Lampard to run onto and score. (And let me just mention that his goal celebration makes me want to hit him in the face.) Wright-Phillips contributed to the second goal, too, keeping the ball from going out for a throw and feeding Juliano Belletti, who sauntered forward with the defenders backing away, and eventually saw his long-distance shot swerve past Chris Kirkland into the net. That was it; 2-0 after 20 minutes was essentially game over. So there was no goal-fest like Chelsea had against Manchester City last weekend, although I suppose that's small consolation for Wigan.

Newcastle 1-4 Portsmouth
I imagine that Shay Given is sitting at home right now being grateful that he was injured for this game. Having Sam Allardyce as a manager has apparently not made Newcastle's defense any less porous, and they were three goals down after 12 minutes. Maybe it was hard to fault them for the first goal, a left-footed screamer from Noe Pamarot, but the next two were almost entirely due to Cacapa doing his best impression of a pylon to allow first Benjani and then Utaku to score. It was so bad that he was hauled off the pitch shortly thereafter. Newcastle did manage to pull one back, with Michael Owen's shot ricocheting into the net off David James and Sol Campbell, but they were unable to score the second goal that might have made this a close contest. In the end it was Portsmouth who scored again, from Nico Kranjcar's free kick, thanks to -- once again -- some lax Newcastle defending.


Other results
Aston Villa 2-0 Derby
Everton 3-1 Birmingham
Fulham 3-1 Reading
Middlesbrough 1-1 Tottenham
West Ham 1-1 Bolton

Premiership Weekend Roundup: October 6-7

Manchester United 4-0 Wigan
Now that's more like it. I know it was just against Wigan, and Wigan are terrible, but nevertheless it's very satisfying to see United playing so well -- not to mention scoring more than just one goal in a game. It didn't look so promising when first Nemanja Vidic and then John O'Shea had to go off injured, leaving Gerard Pique at centre half and Danny Simpson at right back. But the youngsters did well, and their job was made easier because Wigan spent so much time pinned back in their own half. Rejigging the team meant that they didn't really settle until after halftime, but once Carlos Tevez had scored, the floodgates opened. Tevez and Wayne Rooney seem to be developing a better understanding, which is encouraging, as is seeing a return of the Rooney and Ronaldo Show. I should also mention Anderson, who came on in midfield as part of the first-half reshuffling and had a very good game, showing why Sir Alex thinks he could eventually take over from Paul Scholes. (Oh, and Louis Saha got injured in the warmup. I know you're all shocked.)

Liverpool 2-2 Tottenham
Well, that was better than the game against Marseille, but that's not really saying much. How much longer is it until Xabi Alonso and Daniel Agger are back? Sami Hyypia is no longer the commanding presence at the back that he once was; you certainly wouldn't have expected him to get beat in the air twice for Spurs' two goals on either side of halftime, and although he wasn't solely at fault, the lack of cover at centre half is still critical. As for the midfield, while Gerrard + Mascherano is infinitely better than Gerrard + Sissoko, that also leaves it as basically the only viable combination. And Gerrard hasn't been at his best lately; here, he had a good first half but then faded after that. I think he just really needs a nap. In fact, the whole team has been looking out of sorts -- they wasted a number of good chances, and could have been up by two or three goals before Keane's equalizer, but needed a last-minute header from Torres to salvage a point -- and that's something they'll have to get straightened out before the derby at Goodison Park next weekend.

Arsenal 3-2 Sunderland
You would've expected this to be a cakewalk for Arsenal, wouldn't you? And it looked like that's how it was going to be, when they had a two-goal lead after just 15 minutes -- including an absolutely thunderous free kick from Robin van Persie to open the scoring. But I guess you wouldn't expect Roy Keane's team to lie down quietly and die, and Sunderland did well to fight back to 2-2 as Arsenal got complacent and were guilty of some lazy defending. The Gunners finally got the winner in the 80th minute -- van Persie again -- but it took way too long for them to wake up and get their heads in the game. (A final note: Somebody needs to tell Roy Keane that his tie is way too short. Not me, because he would probably kill me with his mind. But somebody.)


Other results
Bolton 0-1 Chelsea
Aston Villa 1-0 West Ham
Blackburn 2-1 Birmingham
Fulham 0-2 Portsmouth
Manchester City 3-1 Middlesbrough
Newcastle 3-2 Everton
Reading 1-0 Derby

Premiership Weekend Roundup: September 29-30

Birmingham 0-1 Manchester United
I'm running out of ways to say this: United didn't play well. They won. The end. This week, they were hampered by the injury to Edwin Van der Sar that forced him off at half-time, and I think that infected the whole back line, because there were some periods where they looked awfully shaky. The rest of the team looked inconsistent, too: sometimes they were passing sublimely (albeit with no end product; can we all just accept that Rooney and Tevez are too similar to play well together, and move on with our lives?) and sometimes they were chasing around after the ball like the proverbial headless chickens. Birmingham, meanwhile, defended doggedly but also weren't afraid to come forward and put pressure on United. In the end, though, United's goal came from a defensive lapse, as Queudreue switched off on a long ball forward from Ferdinand and let Ronaldo steal it and then skip around the keeper to slot it home.

Wigan 0-1 Liverpool
Another unmemorable game, where Liverpool put together some decent spells of possession but were unable to break though. Steven Gerrard looks like he's still kind of bothered by that toe injury, and Torres apparently used up all his goal-scoring mojo against Reading. (I think they're also missing Xabi Alonso; he's not the most spectacular player, but his passing is really what controls the way they play.) As in the Champions League game a couple weeks ago, it was super-sub Yossi Benayoun who made the difference with a great individual goal, as he did well to find space for a shot and beat Chris Kirkland. Still, with a bit better luck, Wigan could easily have come away with a draw.

Chelsea 0-0 Fulham
Oh, this just keeps getting better and better. A goalless draw at home to Fulham. Drogba getting sent off. John Terry's broken face. And, of course, all the behind-the-scenes drama. It's like Mean Girls as re-enacted by Chelsea FC. (Although I'm not exactly sure who is the Lindsay Lohan in this scenario.)

Other results:
West Ham 0-1 Arsenal
Portsmouth 7-4 Reading
Manchester City 3-1 Newcastle
Sunderland 1-2 Blackburn
Derby 1-1 Bolton
Everton 2-0 Middlesbrough

Premiership Weekend Roundup: April 21-22

Tottenham 2 - 2 Arsenal: Umpteenth verse, same as the first: Arsenal totally dominate a game, but can't put the ball in the net, while their opponents score from one of their few chances. - and once again they dominate a match, opponents score from one of their very few chances. In this case it was an equalizer in the dying seconds of the game from Jermaine Jenas, who I normally dislike, but I'll make an exception here because that was schadenfreudelicious. Arsene Wenger commented after the game, "I don't know what they created apart from the goals." Well, yes, that is kind of the point, sunshine.

Liverpool 2 - 0 Wigan: Another stroll for Liverpool. There aren't many more obvious ways to say "We're saving ourselves for Chelsea" than by leaving Steven Gerrard on the bench. The game was wrapped up -- along with next year's Champions League spot -- by the time he came on, thanks to two goal from Dirk Kuyt. Who Rafa will probably drop on Wednesday, just because.

Manchester United 1 - 1 Middlesbrough: Boro apparently are some sort of bogey team for United. Last year they got thumped away at the Riverside and drew at Old Trafford; this season they've done marginally better (winning away in the league, drawing and then winning in the FA Cup), but all three of those games included a crucial penalty in United's favour. They could have used on on Saturday, too, but instead they were lucky not to have one awarded against them, after John O'Shea took down Dong Gook Lee in the box. Which brings us to the ongoing problems with the defence: ok, yeah, they've got a lot of injuries. But the back line has held up pretty well in the past few games. The difference this week was that the rest of the team wasn't producing. It looked to me like they got kind of panicky, knowing that they desperately needed a goal, and so they were trying to force things -- either fucking around on the ball too much or hurrying their passes -- rather than just letting things flow. As for Sir Alex's decision to leave Rio limping around until halftime? In hindsight it looks bad, but then, I probably would've done the same thing.

Newcastle 0 - 0 Chelsea: Fortunately, United's slip didn't really matter, because Chelsea also drew against Newcastle. How the hell do you not score against Newcastle and their Patented Comedy Defending?

Other results
Aston Villa 0 - 0 Portsmouth
Bolton 1 - 3 Reading (Reading scored three times in the last 6 minutes to steal the win. And I laughed, because I really dislike Bolton.)
Charlton 1 - 1 Sheffield United
Fulham 1 - 1 Blackburn
Watford 1 - 1 Manchester City
West Ham 1 - 0 Everton

Premiership Weekend Roundup: January 13-14

Watford 0 - 3 Liverpool
If you had to pick a team to play after two morale-sapping defeats, Watford would almost certainly be at the top of the list. Face with such obliging oppositions, Rafa Benitez fielded an unorthodox 3-4-3 formation (and by unorthodox, I mean "Whichever 11 players are fit and haven't totally sucked recently").

The first half of the game -- as you might expect, from one team playing an unfamiliar system and another propping up the bottom of the Premiership -- was pretty messy, although Craig Bellamy scored a well-deserved goal. Peter Crouch also popped in a couple, on either side of halftime -- probably two of the easiest he's ever scored; no spectacular bicycle kicks here. Bottom line: A comfortable win and, perhaps more importantly, no new injuries as they gear up to face Chelsea this weekend.

Manchester United 3 - 1 Aston Villa
Villa must be glad that they don't have to face United again this season, having now lost by a cumulative total of 8-2. It certainly didn't help that their defence was an absolute shambles for the first 15 minutes of the match; after that they began to show a few signs of the challenge they'd mounted in the FA Cup last week, but by then they were two goals down and it was already too late.

As for Wayne Rooney, he's still not scoring. The rest of his game looks fine -- no question that he's working hard -- but the goal-scoring touch just isn't there, although he did ping one shot off the crossbar towards the end of the match. You know who did score, though? Michael Carrick. Probably just to shut me up after I criticized him a week ago.

Chelsea 4 - 0 Wigan
A brief lull in the ongoing schadenfreudelicious saga at Chelsea, thanks to Wigan essentially self-destructing in front of them. A free kick that should've been easily stopped, a suicidal back-pass and an own-goal...one, two, three goals, thank you very much. Plus one more for good measure in stoppage time, from Didier Drogba, who I think I actually hate more now that he's obnoxious and a very good players, rather than just obnoxious and falling over a lot.

Apart from the comedy of wondering how Wigan would shoot themselves in the foot next and watching Jose Mourinho's series of petulant faces on the sidelines, the actual game was dire. Still, the win is all that really matters for Chelsea, after four draws in five games. And Mourinho's decision to leave out Andriy Shevchenko appears to have worked, as he came away with both the three points and a promise from the board that they'll loosen the purse strings. Damnit.

Blackburn 0 - 2 Arsenal
Just for the record, I still don't like Arsenal. But I think that right now I dislike Blackburn more. They really are a deeply unpleasant team. Maybe not quite as bad as last year, since Craig Bellamy and Paul Dickov aren't running around like annoying little yappy dogs anymore, but Robbie Savage is enough of a git all on his own.

I thought Gilberto Silva's sending off -- for kicking out at Savage after he'd been fouled -- was kind of harsh, especially considering that Pascal Chimbonda slapping Nicky Butt in the Tottenham-Newcastle game only merited a yellow card (maybe if Butt had gone down like Arjen Robben does...). Justice of a sort was done, though, as even with 10 men for most of the game, Arsenal were still the better team, putting the cap on a scrappy win with a stupendous goal from Thierry Henry.


Other results
Everton 1 - 1 Reading
Tottenham 2 3 Newcastle
Bolton 0 0 Manchester City
Charlton 1 3 Middlesbrough
Sheffield United 1 - 1 Portsmouth
West Ham 3 - 3 Fulham

Premiership Weekend Roundup: October 14-15

Wigan 1 - 3 Manchester United
I still don't understand the point of Michael Carrick. He seems to have some kind of electromagnetic field around him that prevents him from passing the ball forward. Also inexplicable: Why Sir Alex persists in trying to play 4-5-1. It doesn't work, at least not for United. Chelsea may have won the Premiership that way two years in a row, but any formation that requires you to stick Wayne Rooney out on the left wing is really not playing to the team's strengths -- which was obvious by the difference in the way they played in the second half. And Rooney -- thank all the footballing gods -- finally seems to be coming out of his slump. He may not have scored on Saturday, but he did just about everyghing else, including setting up United's first two goals. You can tell that he still wants to score, but he isn't so desperate for a goal, any goal. Look at the way he burst into the box in the 85th minute, with only the keeper to beat, and laid off a pass to Louis Saha instead of just blasting the ball aimlessly. (Memo to Steven Gerrard: Watch and learn.)

Liverpool 1 - 1 Blackburn
Question of the week: Can Steven Gerrard and Xabi Alonso play effectively together in centre midfield? You can argue that they're not defensive enough, and I probably wouldn't pair them up for games against the tougher teams, but I don't think that Liverpool should be lining up for every match as if they're just going to sit back and defend for 90 minutes. For one thing, there's not much point in doing that, if their back line continues to be as shaky as it's been so far -- once again, when Blackburn scored it looked like none of the defenders were on the same pitch as each other. And you could see in this game how much more effective Liverpool were in the second half, when they actually started attacking and putting sustained pressure on the other team. It probably helped, too, that Rafa brought on Luis Garcia -- who's undeniably infuriating, but at least he creates some movement out there -- in place of Jermaine Pennant, who seems to be nothing more than the right-footed equivalent to Stewart Downing. Maybe he can get an England call-up next. Yay.

Arsenal 3 - 0 Watford
Arsenal. Against Watford. What did you think was going to happen? The Gunners have apparently gotten over their fear of shooting, and Theo Walcott, in his first start, looked almost good enough to have justified his trip to Germany in the summer. And as a Man United fan -- not to mention an England fan, for obvious reasons -- it was great to see Ben Foster performing heroics in the Watford net.

Reading 0 - 1 Chelsea
I wouldn't wish a head injury on anyone -- even Chelsea players -- but the knocks to Petr Cech and Carlo Cudicini were almost worth it, just for the hysterically awesome sight of John "It was ball to hand!" Terry pulling on a goalkeeper's jersey. You really only had to watch the first five and last five minutes of the game, though; the rest of it was sadly predictable, including Frank Lampard with a completely uncharacteristic deflected goal.

Other results
Aston Villa 1 - 1 Tottenham
Manchester City 0 - 0 Sheffield United
Middlesbrough 2 - 1 Everton
Portsmouth 2 - 0 West Ham
Newcastle 1 - 2 Bolton*

*Is it just me, or are Bolton's away kits actually fuchsia? What the hell.

Premiership Weekend Roundup: May 7

An excellent way to celebrate the end of the Premiership season: with the league losing its collective ever-loving mind. Woo.

Manchester United 4 - 0 Charlton
Ruud Van Nistelrooy had a hissy-fit after finding out that he wasn't in the starting lineup, and stormed out back to the stable before the game. Betting on whether he ends up at Milan, Juve, Barca or Real Madrid starts now.

Without him, meanwhile, United thumped Charlton to clinch second place and a guaranteed spot in the Champions League, which is great and all, but maybe it would have been even better if they hadn't left their not-sucking until so late in the season.


Arsenal 4 - 2 Wigan
Arsenal went down 2-1 in their last game at Highbury, before a hat-trick from Thierry Henry pulled out the win and let them squeak past Tottenham into fourth place. I'm still not a big Arsenal fan, but I have to admit to getting a little mushy at some of the pictures of the fans sitting in the empty stands.

Also, apparently there were giant papier-mache heads. I don't know.


West Ham 2 - 1 Tottenham
How bizarre is this: Pretty much the entire Spurs first team comes down with food poisoning before the game, the ones who are able to stand up lurch to a 2-1 loss to the Hammers, and Spurs have to settle for the UEFA Cup next year, after being in the Champions League places for, like, the past six months. No word yet on rumours that a grey squirrel was seen in the kitchen of the team hotel the night before.


Portsmouth 1 - 3 Liverpool
Liverpool's win didn't mean much, seeing as United won too, but it's nice to see their strikers still remember how to score. Less nice was seeing Xabi Alonso stretchered off with a sprained ankle before half-time. OMG don't be broken, baby! Anyway, things are looking good for them next season, provided they can find someone to play up front with Crouch. I wonder if they could get enough for Cisse to bring Michael Owen home?


Newcastle 1 - 0 Chelsea
Newcastle have qualified for Europe next season (sort of; as YNBA put it, it's "maybe crappy Europe") and finished the season in seventh by beating Chelsea -- despite going a man down -- thanks to a goal from, of all people, Titus Bramble. Yes, really.


Oh, and there were some other games too:
Aston Villa 2 - 1 Sunderland
Blackburn 2 - 0 Manchester City
Bolton 1 - 0 Birmingham
Everton 2 - 2 West Brom
Fulham 1 - 0 Middlesbrough

Premiership Weekend Roundup: April 8-9

Manchester United 2 - 0 Arsenal
I was worried for the first 15 minutes or so. Arsenal were playing very well -- the kind of smooth, pretty passes that decimated Juventus in the Champions League. I suspect that the scoreline would have been different if Thierry Henry had been on the pitch to finish off some of the chances they created, instead of Robin "Airball" Van Persie. But then, I don't know if it was because United's midfield was getting stuck in more, or if Arsenal were getting tired, or what, but for the last hour of the game United were all over them. They don't play the same way as Arsenal does, but it's still damn good football to watch -- lots of surging runs down the wing and defence-splitting passes for the forwards to run onto.

If United hadn't won by at least two goals, though, I would have been complaining a lot today about the refereeing. I'm all in favour of letting play go on rather than calling every niggling little foul, but Graham Poll missed a couple of blatant penalty calls -- most notably Kolo Toure doing his best John Terry impression by flinging himself at a shot from Wayne Rooney and blocking it with his hands. And this is the team of which Arsene Wenger said beforehand, "I know that we'll try to be fair and to play our game"? Ha.


Liverpool 1 - 0 Bolton
Liverpool ground out another win over Bolton, who have kind of been self-destructing recently. Meanwhile Liverpool are solidly in third and only five points behind Man United -- but for some reason, nobody outside Liverpool is really talking about their chances of catching them for second place. Robbie Fowler scored the only goal, strengthening his case for being kept on next season. I hope that Rafa does extend his contract, because for one thing, he's probably their only striker with a real instinct for scoring. Sell Cisse, please Rafa, I beg you.

Chelsea 4 - 1 West Ham
Chelsea went down a goal, then down a man after Maniche was sent off for stamping on Lionel Scaloni. And then they decided to demonstrate that they really do know how to play good football -- when they want to. Bastards. If they played like this every week, would people actually respect them? Or would we just hate them more?

Tottenham 2 - 1 Man City
A solid game from Tottenham to keep them in fourth place, ahead of Blackburn and Arsenal in the race for a Champions League spot. They could have won by more than just the one goal, but David James made several excellent saves -- although he also had one of his characteristic brain cramps in the first half when he tried to play around with a back-pass and Mido nearly capitalized.

Portsmouth 2 - 2 Blackburn
Twice Portsmouth were one goal down, and twice they managed to equalize, for a well-deserved draw. A point doesn't do much toward helping them to avoid relegation, but if they keep playing as well as they are now, they ought to stay up.

Wigan 1 - 1 Birmingham
All of a sudden Birmingham have stopped sucking. How did that happen? They even managed to fight back after falling behind at the beginning of the second half. Plucky Little Wigan(TM) are still safely in the top 10, but their form has dropped off recently.

Other results
Aston Villa 0 - 0 West Brom
Middlesbrough 1 - 2 Newcastle
Charlton 0 - 0 Everton

Carling Cup Final: Manchester United 4 - 0 Wigan

Why can't United play like this every week, dammit? I really think they do it just to drive me crazy. On the other hand, I suppose it's more entertaining than being a Chelsea fan.

Things we learned from this game:

• It is, in fact, possible to pretend to care about winning the Worthelss Worthington Carling Cup.
  
• Starting your two fastest strikers against two aging centre-halves is a good idea, but maybe not if it also pisses off the Premiership's top scorer in the process.
  
• Cristiano Ronaldo is way better looking with his shirt off.
  
• Footballers can occasionally be very sweet about remembering their teammates, warming even my cold black heart despite their inability to properly use punctuation.

Things we did not learn from this game:

• Just what, exactly, is the point of John O'Shea?

Meanwhile, in the Premiership:

• Arsenal went down to ignominious defeat against Blackburn, proving YNBA's point that they're the Liverpool of 2005-06. Thierry Henry went out after the game and bought himself a "Teach Yourself Spanish" kit.
  
  
• Chelsea won another ugly game, this time against the hapless Portsmouth, and announced that they would shortly be relaying the pitch at Stamford Bridge. Right after the First Annual West London Mud-Wrestling Competition.
  
  
• Newcastle demonstrated that maybe all Graeme Souness's excuses about injuries really were just excuses, beating Everton 2-0 despite the absence of both Alan Shearer and Michael Owen.
  
  
• Liverpool ground out yet another 1-0 win against Man City, with yet another goal from someone who's not actually a striker. Forget 4-5-1 -- maybe they should just play 4-6-0?

Premiership Weekend Roundup: February 4-5

Chelsea 2 - 0 Liverpool

• Having the second-best defence in the league is great, but you're never going to win games if you are completely incapable of scoring goals. Having Peter Crouch on his own up front is pretty much useless, because it leaves him with nobody to knock the ball down to, and he's no good on set plays either -- just getting your head on the ball is not enough if you can't put it in the net.
  
• My understanding of zonal marking on set plays is admittedly shaky. But somehow I don't think it involves every single defender rushing out at the ball, leaving only the two men on the posts to mark the three men you've left wide open in the box.
  
• Okay, yes, you can't raise your hands to another player, you know you're going to get sent off. But damn, I can't entirely blame Pepe Reina for that -- god knows I've wanted to smack Arjen Robben more than once myself, just for being such a whiny little bitch (witness the way he went down like he'd been shot). Anyone know if he got booked for the tackle on Gudjohnsen as well, or was it just a straight red?
  
• Man of the Match: The wee linesman who kept flagging Chelsea offside in the first half. If only he'd been on that side of the pitch in the second half.

Manchester United 4 - 2 Fulham
Yet another "Who needs a central midfield?" performance from United. Except that this week they've decided to complement that with a complete absence of defence. All attack, all the time! Between this and the midweek game against Blackburn, they've scored seven goals. Fantastic. But they've also conceded six goals in those two games, which is, um, not so good. And I can't even blame it all on Mikael Silvestre, hard as I might try. I suppose it doesn't help that Sir Alex has been shifting players in and out of the back line all season, but they've got to get it together, especially with Rio out for another two games.

Birmingham 0 - 2 Arsenal
An interesting match-up: the team that pulled off a draw with Liverpool in midweek, versus the Arsenal youth team plus Thierry Henry. Birmingham had a player sent off for the second week in a row, and they probably could have used an own-goal or two to help them out. Arsenal, meanwhile, did a good job of showing that they don't need Sol Campbell (and just what the hell is wrong with him, anyway?).

Bolton 1 - 1 Wigan
This game put me to sleep. Literally. And then I had to drag myself out to a game of my own, against a team that had clearly spent too much time watching Bolton and whose only strategy was to whack the ball up to their big centre forward. And we lost. Ugh.

Other results
Tottenham 3 - 1 Charlton
Everton 1 - 0 Manchester City
Middlesbrough 0 - 4 Aston Villa
Newcastle 2 - 0 Portsmouth (shut up, Alan Shearer)
West Brom 2 - 0 Blackburn
West Ham 2 - 0 Sunderland

Carling Cup Semi-Finals

Arsenal 2 - 1 Wigan
(2-2 on aggregate; Wigan advance thanks to away goals rule)

I do love to watch Arsenal lose. Sure, it would have been great if United had the opportunity to face them in the final, and hopefully get some revenge for last year's FA Cup, but seeing Wigan win is even better.

Wigan's keeper, Mike Pollitt, had the game of his life with a series of great saves, including stopping a penalty. But the entire team deserves credit, because they played their pie-eating asses off for 120 minutes.


Manchester United 2 - 1 Blackburn
(United win 3-2 on aggregate)

The way things are going, United are going to have no midfield left by the end of the month. They started this game with only Fletcher, Giggs and Richardson, with a questionably fit Alan Smith coming on for Giggs when he pulled a hamstring -- only to pick up a yellow card that will rule him out of the next game. Sure, fouling Robbie Savage is always worthwhile, but this leaves them with...Darren Fletcher. That's it. I'm waiting for Sir Alex to come up with an innovative 4-2-4 lineup for the next game. Have to play to your strengths, after all.

It wasn't a great game for either side, but I think United deserved the win. Like Wigan's keeper, Brad Friedel had a fantastic game for Blackburn and really kept them in it. Van der Sar also served his team well by keeping the television cameras away from the handbags in the tunnel at halftime. Good for the players who don't want to get smacked by the FA; bad for those of us who like to point and laugh at them.

Premiership Weekend Roundup: December 10-11

Liverpool 2 - 0 Middlesbrough
First of all, if United had a defence like this, they'd still be in the Champions League. You have to love Sami Hyypia, especially: he gets cracked on the head, goes off for treatment, comes back all bandaged up like a mummy and immediately throws himself into another header in the box. Rio Ferdinand would probably have been worried about messing up his cornrows.

Up front...well, Peter Crouch was back to being kind of useless. The real problem, I think, is that the rest of the team kept simply hacking the ball forward at him, without getting anyone in the right position to follow up. When they brought Luis Garcia on instead they changed up their game, took advantage of the great passing from Xabi Alonso and Steven Gerrard in midfield, and made it much harder for Boro to cope. And it was great to see Fernando Morientes getting his goal-scoring touch back. Now if only they could get all their strikers firing at once.

Chelsea 1 - 0 Wigan
How many gazillion pounds has Mourinho spent on strikers? And yet it's taken a header from John Terry to win Chelsea's last two games. I suppose it's only fair that he got the winner in this case, since he had a decent penalty shout turned down in the first half. But I'd much rather point and laugh at him for being a whiny baby who can't cope with being marked by a striker in the box.

Wigan have had a tough run of games recently -- I just hope their bad luck continues when they face Man United on Wednesday. After that I can go back to rooting for them again.

Newcastle 1 - 0 Arsenal
I do love to see Arsenal lose. You could argue that they were unlucky to have Gilberto sent off for a second soft foul, but on the other hand, it's not as if contributes a lot to the team anyway. (Letting Patrick Vieira go and hoping to replace him with Gilberto is about as stupid as, well, actually, letting Roy Keane go and hoping to replace him with Alan Smith. So.)

A couple other observations:

• Alan Shearer really is a bastard, isn't he? And he got away with a surprising amount of crap during this game -- that yellow card in the 90th minute was just the referee attempting to salvage a little dignity.
• Scott Parker is a fucking maniac and I love it. Anyone who still wants to play with his mouth full off cotton wool (and possibly a concussion) deserves a spot on the plane to Germany.

Manchester United 1 - 1 Everton
OH MY GOD UNITED WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Seriously, can someone explain to me how it is that they can beat Chelsea, but Everton is just too much of a challenge? Because I do not get it. I suppose it doesn't help that their defence -- which I used to think was fairly reliable -- is now giving up cheap goals in just about every game. I know that I knock Rio a lot, but I actually don't think it was his fault this time. Silvestre has been bloody useless, they're desperately missing Gabriel Heinze on the left and Gary Neville doesn't seem to be quite match-sharp yet. He's been effective going forward -- one of the few players who remembera how to put in a useful cross -- but he was also one of the defenders caught out for the Everton goal. I mean, come on: three players drawn in to mark one man, but none of them actually closed him down, leaving McFadden wide open to score! I was cringing. (Can you tell I've been playing defence myself recently?)

Someone also needs to explain to Cristiano Ronaldo that the point of the game is, you know, to put the ball in the back of the net, not to see how long you can dribble before you run into a clump of defenders and have it taken away from you, whereupon you resort to pouting. I said when he joined United a couple years ago that he was going to be a great player once he grew up and got over himself a bit, but lately he seems to actually be regressing. The one bright spot in the game was the goal from Ryan Giggs -- beautifully weighted pass from Scholes, well-timed run by Giggs, and a perfect first touch to finish it. Now THAT is how United are supposed to play.

Also: Phil Neville. Never looked quite so good to me as he did in this game, especially with Alan Smith having to be taken off (and you know your bench is thin when he's replaced by Darren Fletcher) before he got himself red-carded and thrown off.

Other results
West Brom 2 - 0 Manchester City
Charlton 2 - 0 Sunderland
Bolton 1 - 1 Aston Villa
Blackburn 3 - 2 West Ham
Birmingham 1 - 0 Fulham

Premiership Weekend Roundup: December 3-4

Manchester United 3 - 0 Portsmouth
United had to feel confident going into this game, with the dire state of affairs at Pompey. Although that confidence must have also ebbed slightly when they got over an hour into the game and were only up by one goal. (On a side note, how great is it to see Paul Scholes not only passing the ball beautifully, but also finally scoring a goal?) It took Cristiano Ronaldo coming on for the last half hour to really liven things up. I only hope that he remembers the lesson from this game: that it's much more useful if he can actually send in effective crosses, rather than doing stepover after stepover until his marker knocks him down and gets a foul. Another encouraging game, but the real test will come at Benfica on Wednesday.

Liverpool 3 - 0 Wigan
Ok, Peter Crouch has finally scored. Can we all talk about something else now? Oh, no, of course not. Now we get the endless debate over whether it was one goal or two. I say two -- that ball was going in anyway, if the keeper hadn't touched it -- but I don't really care. I hope he keeps scoring, though, because (a) it will shut people up and (b) I get to see Steven Gerrard jumping on him like an overgrown five-year-old, which is always entertaining.

I expected more of a test from Wigan, honestly, despite them losing their past two Premiership games. But Liverpool is really on form at the moment -- the question is whether it can hold up against Chelsea in the Champions League.

Bolton 2 - 0 Arsenal
Here's the thing about Arsenal: they have a fantastic attack, but their defense is dangerously shaky. Not as bad as, say, Newcastle, but any back four with Pascal Cygan on the left has obvious problems. And then there's the gaping hole in their midfield. Everyone talks about how Man United need to find a new Roy Keane, but Arsenal faced a similar dilemma when Patrick Viera left and -- inexplicably -- elected not to replace him. Gilberto proved in this game how utterly inadequate he is. Arsenal's midfield style works well as long as they have the ball and keep passing it around, but as soon as they have to fight to get it back -- against a hard-fighting team like Bolton -- they're in big trouble.

Other results
Chelsea 1 - 0 Middlesbrough
Blackburn 0 - 2 Everton
Newcastle 1 - 1 Aston Villa
Tottenham 3 - 2 Sunderland
West Brom 0 - 0 Fulham
Charlton 2 - 5 Manchester City

Premiership Weekend Roundup: November 19-20

Just a short recap this week, since I didn't get to see any of the games I really cared about. No United, no Liverpool, and a Michael Owen-less Newcastle getting smacked around by Chelsea. Bah.

Charlton 1-3 Manchester United
United don't seem to be missing Roy Keane too much...yet. The real test will be the game against Villareal tomorrow, which they basically have to win to avoid crashing out of the Champions League. Wayne Rooney had a spectacular game -- although he didn't score, he set up United's first two goals. Van Nistelrooy finished beautifully for the second goal and then finished things off with another from outside the box. Will wonders never cease?

Wigan 2-3 Arsenal
Another week, another master class in ass-kicking from Thierry Henry. Wigan fought valiantly, though, and there could easily have been another two or three goals for either side. You could argue that Wigan's keeper should have done better, particularly with the opening goal from Van Persie. But there was also the sense that no matter how much Wigan harried them, Henry would have simply turned things up another notch if necessary.

Liverpool 3-0 Portsmouth
Peter Crouch just cannot seem to find the net. Not even with Stevie G offering a target. (And let's add that to the list of Things I Did Not Need To See, Ever.) Still, it's a good result going into the Champions League matches this week, and hopefully Luis Garcia and Xabi Alonso will be back from the knocks they picked up in time to face Real Betis.

Chelsea 3-0 Newcastle
Newcastle held things together relatively well in the first half, but in the second half their defence (read: Titus Bramble) just fell apart. Best moment of the match: A gorgeous tackle from Scott Parker sending Joe Cole ass over teakettle.

West Bromwich Albion 4-0 Everton
A note for the Sportsnet programming department: If satellite problems prevent you from showing the United game, this is not really an adequate replacement. No matter how enjoyable it might be to watch Everton get so thoroughly schooled. Phil Neville must be looking longingly at the holes in the United lineup.

Middlesbrough 3-2 Fulham
Another one that was fun to watch as an impartial observer. (Well, mostly impartial; I was leaning towards Fulham for no good reason other than Boro having beaten United a couple weeks back.) Hard to say if either team really deserved the win. Middlesbrough had most of the possession but none of the finishing in the first half, and in the second half it seemed to be the reverse. Highlight of this one was the fantastic goal from Collins John to start the game.

Other results
Sunderland 1-3 Aston Villa
Manchester City 0-0 Blackburn
Tottenham 1-1 West Ham

Premiership Weekend Roundup: November 5-6

Manchester United 1-0 Chelsea
I have never been so happy to be wrong.

The game was on a channel that I don't get at home, so I headed to the pub up the street, which just happened to be full of people in United shirts. 11am kickoff + beer = perfect. Of course all the middle-aged British men in the pub felt it was necessary to warn me that there might be some foul language. I told them not to worry, because a lot of it would probably be coming from me.

Anyway, it was a great atmosphere to watch United grind out a win. It would have been good to see some more attacking flair from United -- Van Nistelrooy was pretty much useless. Ronaldo had Paulo Ferreira tied up in knots down the left wing all game, but his crosses weren't always the best -- even the one that led to Fletcher's goal looked as if it was heading out of play. But this kind of gritty performance -- particularly Alan Smith throwing himself into some crunching tackles in midfield -- is exactly what they needed. (And provided me with lots of opportunities to yell at Chelsea that they were "fucking wankers." Did I mention the 11am beer?)

So. It wasn't always pretty, but they did it. Roy Keane may have even cracked a smile.

Aston Villa 0-2 Liverpool
You know, if I'm going to drag myself out of bed at 7:30am for a game, it had better be worth watching. This one really wasn't -- certainly not for the first 75 minutes or so. I still don't see what's so great about Peter Crouch, but at least he brought the game to life.

The Guardian, as usual, says it best:

If Sky want people to pay to view any more games such as this, they should consider making Roy Keane an offer he cannot refuse to continue his career as a pundit. The Manchester United captain's observations on Harry Kewell's new hairdo would have been more entertaining than anything this match produced and Keane could also have brought to bear his withering opinions on questions such as whether Cisse offers more style than substance, where Gerrard and Alonso were supposed to be playing and whether Villa were actually aware the game had kicked off for the first half-hour.

I would also like to know how Xabi Alonso's hair manages to stay so fluffy even after 90 minutes of football. It's one of the mysteries of the universe.

Arsenal 3-1 Sunderland
If only Arsenal had lost, this would have been a perfect football weekend from my point of view. Despite my Arsenal-hate, though, I have to admit that they can play some damn pretty football -- quick, precise passes, lovely flowing movement, and deadly finishing from Thierry Henry. You have to feel a little bit sorry for Sunderland, who were clearly overmatched. Even after they scored to make it 2-1, you could tell that Arsenal were just kind of toying with them, waiting for the chance to pounce and put the game out of reach.

Portsmouth 0-2 Wigan
Does it make me a total bandwagon-jumper if I say that I am kind of rooting for Wigan now? I'm sure they know that they're hardly the best team out there, but they are certainly playing their asses off, and you have to love that.

Most annoying thing about watching the game was that Sportsnet switched over to the Fox soccer feed, which meant that in addition to the score in the top left corner and the Sportsnet bug in the bottom right corner, it also had the FSC bug in the top right corner -- plus, for part of the time, a British Airways logo, for no reason that I can see other than to piss me off. You could barely see the field under all that crap. Although it was still less annoying than The Score on Sunday, where you had to deal with not only the ticker at the bottom of the screen but also that picture-in-picture thing where the anchor has to update you about games that nobody cares about -- or, if they did care, they could find out about by reading the stupid ticker in the first place.

Other results
West Ham 1-0 West Brom
Newcastle 1-0 Birmingham
Fulham 2-1 Manchester City
Blackburn 4-1 Charlton
Everton 1-0 Middlesbrough

Premiership Weekend Roundup: October 15-16

Manchester United v. Sunderland (3-1)
I didn't actually see this game -- Sportsnet showed the Liverpool game instead, and I'm not complaining too much because HI XABI! HI CARRA! -- but it's good to see that they got the win. I have the feeling that the scoreline flattered United a bit, though. There's no question that they're going to miss having Rooney for the Champions League game this week.

Liverpool v. Blackburn (1-0)
Sure, they got the win, and you can argue that the three points is all that matters. But it was hardly convincing, with Blackburn reduced to 10 men for the last hour of the game. And how long is it going to take before Rafa figures out what to do with Peter Crouch? Because pinging every other ball at his head is clearly not working.

Chelsea v. Bolton (5-1)
You know, it all looked so promising at half-time -- at least for those of us who are sick of Jose Mourinho's petulance. I have to admit, though, that his change in tactics to 3-3-4 worked wonders. Hardly surprising when you think of all the talent he's got to throw up front. (It actually reminded me of playing house league soccer when I was growing up, with 3-3-4 the standard formation. One year we even played 2-3-5. And it's all in vogue now, but 4-5-1 would have been absolutely unthinkable then.)

West Bromwich Albion v. Arsenal (2-1)
I'm not gloating. Not much, at least. It's kind of less fun to hate Arsenal when they're sucking as badly as they do this year. (Although I imagine that Liverpool fans are having no such trouble with Everton.)

Ok, I give in: heeeeeeeeee. Suck it, Arsene.

Wigan v. Newcastle (1-0)
Oh, Michael Owen. You deserve so much better than this. Come here and let me comfort you. Alan Shearer's header may have been over the line -- it was awfully hard to tell on the replay -- but there's no question that Wigan deserved the win.

Other results
Manchester City 2-1 West Ham
Birmingham 0-1 Aston Villa
Middlesbrough 1-1 Portsmouth
Tottenham 2-0 Everton