Champions League Matchday 2: September 30-October 1

Aalborg 0-3 Manchester United
A goal for Wayne Rooney, two for Dimitar Berbatov, thank you very much. Let's all just forget about that weak draw with Villareal, shall we? I think it's safe to assume that Celtic are going to be eliminated at the group stage, as per usual, and based on this performance Aalborg really aren't much of a threat, so no worries until the knockout rounds start. Now United just need to get things sorted out in the Premiership.

Liverpool 3-1 PSV Eindhoven
Well, Robbie Keane scored his first goal for Liverpool. And his goal celebration looks just as stupid as it did when he was at Spurs. I think Jamie Carragher needs to sit him down and have a word with him. Or, you know, just take a look at Steven Gerrard, celebrating his 100th goal in a Liverpool shirt. The knee-slide is always a classic. (Thank god he's stopped that back-patting thing he was doing for a while.)

Arsenal 4-0 Porto
Blah blah beautiful football blabbity blah talented youngsters blah blah blee. Y'all know it's only a matter of time before Van Persie is broken again.

Cluj 0-0 Chelsea
Is it bad for me to be disappointed that Didier Drogba isn't more seriously injured? Probably, yes. Anyway, yay Cluj! Long may you inspire bad vampire-related puns in the sports media.


Group A
Cluj 0-0 Chelsea
Bordeaux 1-3 Roma

Group B
Anorthosis Famagusta 3-1 Panathinaikos
Inter 1-1 Werder Bremen

Group C


Sporting Lisbon 2-0 Basel
Shakhtar Donetsk 1-2 Barcelona

Group D
Liverpool 3-1 PSV Eindhoven
Atletico Madrid 2-1 Marseille

Group E
Aalborg 0-3 Manchester United
Villareal 1-0 Celtic

Group F
Fiorentina 0-0 Steaua Bucharest
Bayern Munich 1-1 Lyon

Group G
Arsenal 4-0 Porto
Fenerbahce 0-0 Dynamo Kyiv

Group H
Zenit St. Petersburg 1-2 Real Madrid
Bate Borisov 2-2 Juventus

Champions League Final

Manchester United 1-1 Chelsea (United win 6-5 on penalties)

That was awesome. It had a little something for everyone: good football, bad football, great shots, great saves, near misses, injuries, diving, whining, handbags, a red card, tears, drama, controversy, penalties... and in the end, the right team won.

I think the two teams were pretty well matched over the 120 minutes. Normally I hate penalty shootouts (and my stomach was tied up in knots watching this one), but they could have played for another three days and still not had a winner. This wasn't a case of one team desperately hanging on through extra team and hoping for some good luck; both sides were really going for it.

United definitely had the better of the first half, although it was even at 1-1 by halftime. Sir Alex surprised just about everybody by starting with an old-school 4-4-2, with Owen Hargreaves on the right of midfield (I was yelling at the TV, convinced that ESPN had fucked up their graphics once again). It turned out to be a good decision, as Hargreaves was involved in most of United's best chances, and I think Ashley Cole may have underestimated him and was giving him too much space. On the other wing, Cristiano Ronaldo was terrorizing Michael Essien and demonstrating that he's not really supposed to be a defender. And it was Ronaldo who scored the opening goal, after good work from Paul Scholes and a pinpoint cross from Wes Brown, with a solid header that left Essien flat-footd.

Chelsea almost equalized a few minutes later, with some equally bad defending from United as Rio Ferdinand was bullied by Michael Ballack and almost headed the ball into his own net only for Edwin van der Sar to tip it over. But United were generally dominating the play, and they had another great chance to score, Wayne Rooney winning the ball after a Chelsea corner and sending a cross-field pass to Ronaldo, who picked out Carlos Tevez in the box. Petr Cech made a great save from Tevez's header, and another immediately after on a hard shot from Michael Carrick, who'd picked up the rebound. Tevez missed another chance shortly after, sliding in and just failing to connect with Rooney's cross. (Maybe next year Fergie will buy a striker who's more than 5'6".)

United were hoping to go into halftime with their lead intact (and, in fact, should have been up by two or three goals), but couldn't hold out. Chelsea came close with a free kick from Ballack, after Ferdinand had fouled Frank Lampard right on the edge of the box. And then they equalized just before the break, as Essien picked up the ball about 30 yards out; his shot deflected off a couple players and fell right to Frank Lampard, with van der Sar slipping on the shitty turf and Ferdinand scrambling to make up group. Damn it.

You'd think the goal would've made the Chelsea players a bit happier, but they followed up the goal with a terrible tackle on Ronaldo by Ricardo Carvalho -- and then half the team bitching about it when he was rightly booked. Claude Makelele was still arguing with the referee as they left the field, which was particularly stupid since he'd already been booked for a clash with Paul Scholes earlier in the first half. They're a charming bunch of players, really. I suppose their captain leads by example.

With the boost from their goal, Chelsea took more control in the second half. The game got increasingly niggly, with lots of fouls from both teams, and whining about just about every call (mostly from Chelsea, and especially from Joe Cole, who didn't make any other notable contributions to the match). Chelsea's fullbacks were pushing forward more, neutralizing United's tactics from the first half, and I think Ferguson should've reacted more quickly to change things up. Scholes was dropping deeper and seemed to be fading a bit (possibly because he still had a bloody nose from colliding with Makelele in the first half), and players were going down with cramp all over the place. But it wasn't until the 85th minute that United made their first substitution, replacing Scholes with Ryan Giggs for his record 759th appearance.

Anyway, into extra time we go, with Salomon Kalou coming on for Florent Malouda. (You notice how I haven't mentioned Malouda yet? Yeah. That's because he was kind of mediocre, Tommy Smyth's idiotic commentary on ESPN to the contrary.) Both teams had chances to win it in the first half of extra-time: First Lampard's shot careened off the crossbar, and Joe Cole fired over from the rebound. Then Giggs had a great chance for United, as Patrice Evra squirmed through the defence and set him up perfectly only for John Terry to head the shot clear. Nicolas Anelka came on for big sucky baby Joe Cole (and, it turns out, outdid him in being petulant), while Nani replaced a not-very-happy-about-it Wayne Rooney.

In the second half of extra time, the main incident, aside from still more players collapsing with cramp thanks to playing almost two hours of football on a pitch that kept shifting around on them, was a ridiculous bout of handbags between just about every player from both teams. It all started when Carlos Tevez -- who worked his tail off all game but to very little ultimate effect -- didn't play the ball back to Petr Cech after it had been put out of play for an injury. (This was, I think, when Ashley Cole was sitting on the ground flapping his thighs like some kind of demented butterfly.) It ended with Tevez and Ballack booked, Drogba red-carded for smacking Vidic in the face, and John Terry possibly spitting on Tevez as the rumble broke up. For the record, I don't think Terry spit on Tevez, I do think he's an asshole, but Drogba is an even bigger one for losing it, being sent off, and leaving his team in the lurch in a massive game. (Zinedine Zidane is a role model in many ways, but this is not one of them.)

There were only a few minutes left at that point, and United weren't able to take advantage of their extra man to score, so penalties it was. I was too afraid to make an official prediction before the game, just in case I jinxed it, but if I had, it would've been this: 1-1 after extra time, United to win on penalties. I probably wouldn't have predicted the way the penalties went, though. After all the penalties Ronaldo's scored this season, you wouldn't have expected him to miss, would you? I mean, yeah, there was that one against Barcelona, but he couldn't be stupid enough to do that twice, could he? Oh. See, THIS is why you don't mess around with the way you take penalties. Get Hargreaves to show you sometime; those Germans taught him properly. Ronaldo looked wrecked after Cech saved his shot -- and so he should have; waiting for the keeper to dive one way is useless work when the keeper knows you do that and won't move. Just hit it hard and put it in the corner.

All the other players had scored theirs, so Ronaldo's miss meant that John Terry could win the whole shebang when he stepped up to take the fifth penalty. (Apparently, if Drogba had still been on the field, he was supposed to take it, but I wonder if Terry would've taken one anyway, instead of, say Ashley Cole.) So here he is: Mr. Chelsea, England's Brave John Terry, scores a lot for a defender, blah blah blah, and he...misses. Doesn't get his foot planted properly, slips over on his arse and sends the ball wide. And I laughed. Oh, how I laughed. I did feel a teensy bit bad for him later on, seeing how devastated he was, but at the time, seeing him blubbering like a little baby, it was all schadenfreude.

After that you just knew that United were going to win it. And indeed, van der Sar saved Anelka's shot -- not particularly well struck; you could almost tell that he didn't really care -- and United were champions of Europe. Meaning, incidentally, that Ryan Giggs had scored the winning penalty. It was almost poetic.

I still can't believe they really did it. But they did, and I think they deserved it, too. Not just for the memories of 1958, or 1968 -- although that just makes it even better -- but for the way they played all season. Fearlessly dominant when they were on their game, and stubbornly determined when they weren't, they have been the class of the field. Glory, glory Man United.

Champions League Final Preview

And so it has come to this. Two behemoths, bashing at each other for 90 (or, more likely, 120) minutes in a struggle for dominance. I saw Iron Man over the weekend, and I think it's going to be sort of like that, except without Robert Downey Jr.'s leaven of sarcasm. Unfortunately.

Key clashes

• Cristiano Ronaldo vs. Ashley Cole: Claude Makelele did his best to help United by taking out Cole in practice today, but I'm sure he's still going to play tomorrow. And although Cashley is a jackhole of the first order, he's generally done a good job of shackling Ronaldo. For Ronniecakes, this is his chance to shake off that "big-game bottler" tag once and for all and justify the hype. Well, it's not hype exactly, because he is a staggeringly good player, but if he wants to be named the best player in the world, winning the Champions League is a good way to do it. Take a lesson from Jesus-boy over in Milan.
  
  
• Didier Drogba vs. Vidic, Ferdinand and the power of gravity: Vidic is only recently back from injury, after Drogba (accidentally) kneed him in the face, which could be a weakness, but I think United has the best pair of centre-backs anywhere right now. Drogba is also one of the toughest strikers to defend against, when he's on his game -- as Rafa Benitez learned to his peril a couple weeks ago -- so it could depend on just how focused he is on winning, rather than falling over, bitching at the ref, and handing in a transfer request.
  
  
• United's midfield brains vs. Chelsea's midfield brawn: Okay, that's a bit simplistic. But it's an easy way to summarize: Scholes and Carrick versus Lampard and Ballack. I suspect both teams will be playing a 4-3-3/4-5-1, so it could be pretty congested in midfield, and gaining control there will be essential. United will be hoping that Scholes has one of his good days (fortunately, he'll have Owen Hargreaves there to do the tackling) and justifies Sir Alex's faith in him. For Chelsea, I think Michael Ballack could be the key player; he's stepped up for them a lot recently, and he just strikes me as being a big-game player, somehow.
  
  
• United's fluid attack vs. Chelsea's patched-up defence: I really wish that people would stop eulogizing John Terry for how tough he supposedly is. For a Champions League final, okay, I can understand wanting to play no matter what, dislocated be damned, but in general, if you're not 100% fit, you just risk hurting yourself more and could be a liability to your team. Let's see what happens when he takes the first hit tomorrow. And he doesn't have much pace to begin with -- whereas one of United's greatest assets this season has been their mobility; not just speed, but the way that their attackers almost never stand still. This kind of makes it sound like I think United have the edge here, and maybe they do, but I've also seen far too many games where they cannot seem to buy a goal, so who knows.

Selection dilemmas

• United: Rooney, Ronaldo and...who else? I expect that Sir Alex will go with their usual European formation and just one up front, rather than two out-and-out strikers. In that case, he could move Rooney over to the left wing and have Tevez lead the line, but I feel like that waste's Rooney's talents. And whoever plays there is probably going to be tracking back a lot to cover Michael Essien's runs from right-back. For that reason, I think it'll be Rooney up front and Ji-Sung Park on the left, with Ryan Giggs on the bench to act as a super-sub.
  
  Predicted team: Van der Sar; Brown, Ferdinand, Vidic, Evra; Ronaldo, Carrick, Scholes, Hargreaves, Park; Rooney
  
  
• Chelsea: Will it be Essien at right-back? It's not really a dilemma, actually, because playing Essien there solves two problems: (1) Fitting him in the team along with Lampard, Ballack and Makelele; and (2) Covering the fact that their supposed right-backs are kind of crap. I suppose Avram Grant also has to decide who to play on the opposite wing from Joe Cole -- presumably either Malouda or Kalou -- but I don't think it matters all that much. (Whereas for United, choosing between Rooney, Tevez, Giggs and Park could make a big difference in the way they play.)
  
  Predicted team: Cech; Essien, Carvalho, Terry, A. Cole; Lampard, Makelele, Ballack; J. Cole, Drogba, Kalou

The psychological battle
Both managers have a lot of pressure on them to win, but for Ferguson it's largely self-imposed, whereas for Avram Grant, it's external pressure -- lose this game and you lose your job. The ironic bit is that he'll get the blame if they lose, but likely not the credit if they win. Chelsea's starting XI does basically pick itself, but Grant still has to lay out the strategy (and hope the players listen to him) and decide on the substitutions. I still haven't figured out if he's a good manager or not.

Sir Alex, on the other hand, already has a pretty good CV, but this is his chance to make it look even better. He's not satisfied with just the one Champions League win -- and he knows that he got his tactics wrong and got lucky in 1999, and he'll want to make for that here (and yet avoid second-guessing himself). On top of that, there's the sentimental impetus of this being the 50th anniversary of the Munich disaster and the 40th anniversary of United's first European Cup.

How will all this translate to the players? Although the United players may be feeling the weight of history, I think they'll forget that as soon as they step out on the pitch. They've already won the league, which probably means a bit less pressure, but that could actually work to their advantage by freeing them up to play their game. Chelsea will be looking for revenge after finishing behind United in the Premiership two years in a row, but they'll be playing for themselves -- not for the manager, or, for the most part, the club.

And finally, a question for the neutrals: Who are you cheering for tomorrow? Is one side slightly less evil than the other? Or are you just hoping for a sinkhole to engulf the Luzhniki?

Champions League Semi-Final: Chelsea 3-2 Liverpool (aet; 4-3 agg)

I feel compelled to point out that if it hadn't been for John Arne Riise's own-goal in the first leg, Liverpool would have gone through on away goals after this result. But on the other hand, I do realize that if it hadn't been for that goal, Chelsea would have reacted more strongly after Liverpool scored here, and it would have been a totally different game.

Liverpool-Chelsea matches tend to be brain-meltingly dull, but this one was the exception. The first 90 minutes were nothing out of the ordinary, but extra time more than made up for it. Chelsea started out better, although it was Liverpool with the first real chance on goal, Steven Gerrard sliding the ball through to Fernando Torres, who took an extra touch that gave Petr Cech time to come out and smother the shot. Chelsea also had a couple early shots, sent just wide of the Liverpool goal, with the ball skidding on the wet turf -- not an easy night to be a goalkeeper.

I think Rafa's pre-game comments about Drogba and his propensity for falling over may have backfired, because he was obviously determined to prove Benitez wrong, and -- although you might not give up as many free kicks -- he's much more dangerous when he stays on his feet and fights for the ball. Drogba went shoulder to shoulder with Skrtel early on and injured him in the process. He had to be replaced by Sami Hyypia not long after, and although Sami's not a bad replacement, it meant Liverpool had to play a deeper line and give Chelsea more space in midfield. (I think it may be a sekrit Chelsea strategy, actually: Get Drogba to take out one of the opposing centre-backs early on, like with Nemanja Vidic last weekend.)

And of course it was Drogba who scored the opening goal for Chelsea. Frank Lampard fed the ball through the defenders to Salomon Kalou -- as Arbeloa slipped on the wet pitch -- and his shot was saved by Pepe Reina, but only parried right to Drogba, who beat Reina at the near post as he scrambled to recover. And then Drogba ran over to celebrate right in front of the Liverpool bench, because he's klassy like that.

The goal was a blow, but it didn't really change much for Liverpool, because they still needed to score just to survive to extra time. They got more into the game as the first half went on, and they came out strongly after halftime. Steven Gerrard still wasn't seeing as much of the ball as I would've liked -- as in the first leg, Makelele was sticking to him like glue -- but he started dropping deeper and having more of an impact on the game. Then, after just over an hour, it was Yossi Benayoun -- a surprise inclusion in place of Ryan Babel -- who set up the equalizer for Liverpool, deking out a couple of defenders and playing Torres in on goal. Torres didn't hesitate this time, finishing beautifully to tie the game.

So then of course you figure it's going to go to extra time and then the inevitable penalties, right? Liverpool were still pushing forward, looking for a second goal that would send them through, but I think they would've been quite content to win it in a penalty shoot-out. Chelsea put a bit more pressure on Liverpool in the last 15 minutes, but for whatever reason they didn't really look like they cared about winning in regular time.

Anyway, into extra time we go. Hold your breath. Almost immediately, Michael Essien scored for Chelsea from a corner, but it was disallowed because Drogba was offside (along with a handful of other players) and standing right in front of Reina, blocking his view, which apparently counts as interfering with play this week even though it didn't when Birmingham did the exact same thing a little while back. Anyway, it might've been a controversial decision, if not for the fact that Chelsea was awarded a penalty just a couple minutes later, after Hyypia tripped Michael Ballack in the box. Frank Lampard stepped up to take it, and scored, sending Reina the wrong way -- and I can't even make fun of his über-emotional goal celebration today because his mum's just died. (Actually, I will be magnanimous and admit that he had a pretty good game. Bah.)

I was still clinging to hope at this point, because Liverpool had almost 25 minutes to score again, and that would send them through on away goals. Some of that hope died, though, when I saw that Rafa had taken off Torres and replaced him with Ryan Babel. Not that I have anything against Babel, but why would you take off your top scorer when you desperately need a goal? (Apparently he was injured, but I don't know. Take the risk for 20 minutes; it's not like you'll need him for your last two league games.) Also, how shafted must Peter Crouch have felt? I think the early substitution of Skrtel kind of forced Rafa's hand, but I can't help questioning his decisions a bit.

Anyway, Babel made an immediate impact, as he was taken down in the Chelsea box, Essien just barely got a touch on the ball and there was no penalty. Instead it was Chelsea who scored again, just before the end of the first half of extra-time. Nicolas Anelka dinked into the six-yard box -- with Riise stood there appealing for offside, like, PLAY THE WHISTLE, YOU MORON -- and squared the ball for Drogba, who put it away despite being surrounded by Liverpool defenders at the time.

With 15 minutes left, there was time for Liverpool to produce another miraculous comeback, and they probably should have had a penalty of their own, when Hyypia was tripped in the box by Drogba -- no touch on the ball this time, but no penalty either. Ryan Babel did score, just a minute later, with a well-struck shot from all of 35 yards out -- which Cech probably should've saved, especially since he got his hands to it, but we'll take that, thank you very much. In the end they just ran out of time, and despite throwing everything they had at Chelsea, they couldn't find another goal. They did manage to score -- not once but twice -- at Stamford Bridge, which is more than they'd previously done under Rafa, but nevertheless it wasn't enough. I could barely watch the post-game stuff because all the Liverpool players just looked so gutted. Football sucks sometimes.

By the way, I don't give a shit about the debate over whether Avram Grant is getting the credit he deserves as a manager, or whether Roman Abramovich is bored with his toy and likely to sell the club. I just fucking hate Chelsea. That's all.

Champions League Semi-Final: Manchester United 1-0 Barcelona (1-0 agg)

PAUL SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOLES, HE SCORES GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALS...

And so Manchester United are through to the final in Moscow. But what a nerve-wracking way to get there, riding a slim one-goal advantage for most of the game. Considering these two teams' attacking pedigree, you might have expected more of a goal-fest, but United were more focused on not making a mistake at the back, while Barcelona seemed to be allergic to scoring. Nevertheless, it was a riveting game even if you were a neutral; I was on the edge of my seat waiting to see if United would scrape through.

With Nemanja Vidic out (I assume he was concussed on Saturday, because he's too much of a bad-ass for a mere busted lip to keep him on the sidelines), United had a jury-rigged back line: Wes Brown alongside Rio Ferdinand in the centre and Owen Hargreaves deputising at right-back. Wayne Rooney was also still injured, so it was Carlos Tevez up front, supported by Cristiano Ronaldo, with Nani and Ji-Sung Park on the wings.

Barcelona had the better of the early play, including a free kick for Messi conceded by Paul Scholes just outside the box. But even from the outset, United weren't playing quite the same over-cautious game as they had in Barcelona; yes, defending was still the top priority, but they were pressing higher up the field rather than sitting back too much and watching Barça pass the ball around in front of them.

The key moment came in the 14th minute, as Cristiano Ronaldo ran at the Barcelona defence. Gianluca Zambrotta's attempted clearance went straight to Scholes about 30 yards out, and he hit a glorious shot that arrowed past Victor Valdes into the top corner. It was only his second goal of the season, but what a time to score. (And by the way, I'd say that he's virtually guaranteed to start in Moscow now, to make up for his suspension in 1999.)

The goal seemed knock the stuffing out of Barcelona while it boosted United's confidence, and they controlled more of the play as the first half went on. Messi still looked dangerous every time he got on the ball, but Patrice Evra dealt with him well enough, and Brown and Ferdinand kept Samuel Eto'o pretty quiet.

The second half was more of the same, but with the tension ratcheted up. United had a decent spell of pressure, with Tevez and Park (who I think is the South Korean version of Dirk Kuyt) working their socks off to hold the ball up and close down defenders, while Nani caused Barcelona problems with his pace -- although he kept choosing the wrong option with his final ball once again. As for Ronaldo, I think he lost out in terms of an individual competition with Messi, who was skipping past players at will (if only his teammates had bothered to help him out!) but he didn't vanish like he's supposed to do in big games either. There may not have been any outstanding moments of brilliance, and yes he did his share of falling down and whining to the ref, but he put in a disciplined performance to match the rest of his team, and was always willing to get on the ball and try to create something.

Barça continued to have more possession (it ended up 58% in their favour), but just like in the first leg, they couldn't translate that into too many real chances on goal. Rio Ferdinand kept his back line well marshalled, with Wes Brown in particular stepping up his game (apart from whacking his goalkeeper in the head a couple of times; oops) and Michael Carrick making a few crucial interceptions in front of the defence. Barcelona did have a few shots that fizzed just wide -- including a couple from Deco -- but Edwin van der Sar was equal to anything that came at him.

As they moved into the last quarter of the game, Barcelona started to turn the screw while United dropped deeper -- realizing that every minute meant United got closer to winning, but also the more dangerous it would be if Barça were to score. Thierry Henry came on for Andres Iniesta, but he's clearly not the player he was at Arsenal, as his best chance was a header that went straight into Van der Sar's arms. Then it was Bojan Krkic for Eto'o, while United responded by replacing Nani and Scholes with Ryan Giggs and Darren Fletcher as they tried to hold onto the ball and slow the game down.

Barcelona were throwing everyone forward as the clocked ticked towards the 90th minute -- I think at one point Carles Puyol, of all people, was the farthest player forward -- and into the three minutes of stoppage time. That was extended after Evra took a boot to the face in a collision with Deco and Ronaldo and had to be stretchered off, just to increase the tension even more (cue Sir Alex looking pointedly at his watch). It was the 96th minute when Barcelona won a free kick outside the box on the right, with Valdes even coming up for the kick, but United had every single player back defending and managed to clear their lines just before the referee blew for full time.

And then we all tried to catch our breath again.

(Incidentally, don't ask me what I'm going to do if Liverpool win today too. I have absolutely no idea. Other than just flailing a lot, probably.)

Champions League Semi-Finals - First Leg

Liverpool 1-1 Chelsea
Gah. Liverpool were so close. Agonizingly close. Maybe 10 seconds away from winning the game when John Arne Riise had a massive brain-fart and put the ball into his own net (I believe in technical terms this is known as "pulling a Djimi Traore"), gifting Chelsea a thoroughly undeserved equalizer.

What makes it worse is that things had been going pretty well up to that point. Chelsea started the game more strongly, but Liverpool stayed organized at the back and got into the match gradually. They were the better team from about the 30-minute mark onward, starting with a great chance for Fernando Torres when Steven Gerrard played him in on goal, only to take one touch too many and scuff his shot.

The increased Liverpool pressure paid off just before halftime, as Xabi Alonso took a quick free kick, releasing Dirk Kuyt down the wing with the Chelsea defenders switched off. The ball pinged around and eventually fell to Javier Mascherano, whose attempted shot ballooned up over Claude Makelele's attempted interception and fell to Kuyt, who slotted it past Petr Cech.

The goal also highlighted the main difference between the teams, which is that Liverpool's midfield was bossing the play; I thought that Xabi was especially good, whereas on the other side, Frank Lampard was clearly off his game (understandably so, since his mother was deathly ill, and in fact has just died). That continued in the second half, too, with Chelsea reduced to just hoofing the ball up to Didier Drogba and waiting for him to fall down. The annoying thing was that Drogba got most of the calls in his favour, whereas Torres was fouled constantly and got nothing.

The key moment may have been with half an hour left, when Fabio Aurelio went down with a groin injury and had to be substituted. Meanwhile, Chelsea brought on Salomon Kalou in place of Joe Cole, and it was Kalou who provided the cross that led to their goal. They started to put more pressure on Liverpool from about 75 minutes on, although Liverpool still had chances to put the game away, including a great shot from Gerrard in the 84th minute, which Petr Cech just tipped over the top corner, and a point-blank shot from Torres in stoppage time. (Cech made some good saves, but Torres wasn't quite on; 90% of the time he'd have put at least one of those away.)

And then, in the fifth minute of extra time, disaster: A cross from the left wing, Nicolas Anelka coming in at the back post, a misguided attempt at a clearance, and the ball is headed into the Liverpool net. RIISE, YOU BRAINLESS GINGER BUFFOON. THIS IS WHY FOOTBALLERS ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE TWO FEET. I mean, he practically had to get down on his knees to reach the ball; just use your right leg, for fuck's sake. It was an absolutely devastating way to end the game: a massive boost for Chelsea, and demoralizing for Liverpool.

They went from a one-goal lead and a vital clean sheet to a draw, which means that now they need to score (possibly more than once) at Stamford Bridge, which is something they've never done before under Rafa Benitez. But looking on the bright side, Liverpool were certainly the better team here, and there's no reason why they can't reproduce that next week. (Riise's undoubtedly going to be the scapegoat if they do get eliminated, but to be fair I should point out that Liverpool also really should've scored more than just the one goal.) Plus, Chelsea are now the favourites, and Liverpool do seem to like being the underdogs. They tend to pull out their best performances when they've got their backs up against the wall.


Barcelona 0-0 Manchester United
CRISTIANO RONALDO, YOU OVER-GELLED GOOBER. YOU DON'T CHANGE YOUR PENALTY TECHNIQUE IN A CHAMPIONS LEAGUE SEMI-FINAL. HAVE ALL THE HAIR PRODUCTS ROTTED YOUR BRAIN?

Ahem. Sorry, I am yelly this week. But it's incredibly frustrating to see a chance like that thrown away. Manchester United get awarded a penalty right at the beginning of the game, after a handball in the box, and rather than firing the ball low and hard into the side netting like he's been doing all season, Ronaldo decides to try and chip it into the top corner -- and instead sends it wide. I believe this is a lesson in the dangers of over-confidence (not that I really expect it to have much impact on Ronniecakes' phenomenal arrogance, but anyway).

And that ended up being one of the few goal-scoring chances that United had all game. Barcelona pulled their heads out of their asses for this game and decided to actually play like they cared. They thoroughly dominated the game -- it was almost like they were playing keep-away with United -- but despite all their possession and shots on goal, Barca lacked much of a cutting edge; Edwin van der Sar barely had any real saves to make.

United played like...well, like Liverpool, actually, with just about everybody back behind the ball defending. You'd think a lineup that included all three of Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney and Carlos Tevez would have been more attacking, but Rooney was basically playing as a midfielder, and in fact I think Ronaldo and Tevez were too. I wonder what difference it would have made if Ronaldo had scored that penalty: if United would have been even more paranoid and defensive, or if they would have taken confidence from that and gone forward more. (Of course, this would depend on them actually being able to get the ball away from Leo Messi & co.)

I think Nemanja Vidic's absence also had an impact on their strategy, because it meant Wes Brown shifting to centre-back and Owen Hargreaves to right-back, which both weakened the defence a bit and also deprived them of a real ball-winner in midfield. Anyway, this one is finely balanced going into the second leg, although United just about have the edge, thanks to that clean sheet, although Ronaldo should still be kicking himself over that penalty miss. (Actually, United should've had a second penalty, for a foul on Ronaldo by Rafa Marquez, but they were never going to get it. And Barcelona could have had one as well, after Rio Ferdinand brought down Samuel Eto'o.) Anyway, I am just hoping that next week's game is a bit more interesting, because really, who would have thought that Liverpool v. Chelsea would be the more exciting match-up?


Finally: Thumbs down to the ESPN half-time and post-game analysis. Which is basically four guys in a studio, with not enough time to really say anything, and nothing insightful to say even if they did have time. (Shaka Hyslop is just as bland as his Guardian columns. And Tommy Smyth? Bothers me even more when I have to look at his smarmy little face.)

Champions League Quarter-finals

Liverpool 4-2 Arsenal (5-3 agg)
Wow. That was a hell of a game.

Rafa surprised everyone by switching things up and giving Peter Crouch a start alongside Fernando Torres, with Ryan Babel left on the bench. Crouch certainly deserved a chance after his performance against Arsenal last weekend, and he combined with Torres for Liverpool's second goal, but even so I wonder if it was a mistake to change from the formation that they were used to and that had been working so well. With Steven Gerrard nominally on the left, it meant that they had one fewer player in centre midfield, which is always dangerous against a team like Arsenal that can pass around you, and certainly for the first half-hour Liverpool were being overrun.

Emmanuel Adebayor was giving the defence problems from the start -- although fortunately he kept being flagged offside -- but it was Abou Diaby who scored the opening goal, beating Pepe Reina at the near post. Up front for Liverpool, Torres wasn't seeing much of the ball, and it took a set piece for them to equalize, as Sami Hyypia broke away from Philippe Senderos at a corner to power in a header. The goal seemed to give Liverpool confidence, and they started to get more of a grip on the game -- helped by Mathieu Flamini being forced off with an injury just before halftime.

They were much stronger at the start of the second half than they were in the first, and eventually went ahead with an utterly fantastic goal from Torres -- a long ball forward from Reina, flicked on by Crouch to Torres, who spun around and fired it into the far corner as the hapless Senderos strugged to keep up. With 20 minutes left, Arsenal brought on Theo Walcott and Robin van Persie, flinging everything at Liverpool in an attempt to survive. It was Walcott who created their second goal, bringing the ball forward from deep in his own half and dodging four Liverpool players before setting up Adebayor in the 84th minute.

But they barely had time to savour the goal when Liverpool scored again. Ryan Babel, who'd looked lively since he came on as a substitute for Crouch, was pulled down in the box by Kolo Toure for a penalty, and Gerrard coolly stepped up to smash it past Manuel Almunia. The tie may have come down to a tale of two penalties -- the one given to Liverpool here, and the one not given to Arsenal last week -- and I have to admit that both incidents looked pretty similar to me. But Babel made it all moot with a fourth goal in stoppage time, racing onto a clearance from Dirk Kuyt and outmuscling Cesc Fabregas (who was carefully stubbled, just to remind everybody that he's a big boy now) to put the game away.

So-called football purists will lament the fact that Arsenal and their beautiful football are out of the competition now, but ultimately I do not give a damn. Beautiful football is meaningless if you don't have the balls to win games, and I will take Steven Gerrard and his magnificent hairy thighs over Arsene's boy-toys any day. And now we get yet another Liverpool-Chelsea semi-final, which even I am not going to pretend is likely to be a scintillating match-up. Although there is always the opportunity to make John Terry cry.


United 1-0 Roma (3-0 agg)
Sir Alex might have claimed not to be taking anything for granted ahead of this game, but the fact that Cristiano Ronaldo and Wayne Rooney started on the bench tells you everything you need to know about the relative importance of Roma versus Arsenal this weekend. Even without those two players, United still had enough to win, with Carlos Tevez scoring the only goal. But there were some nervy moments, particularly when Wes Brown brought down Mancini for a debatable penalty -- it's hard to tell, but I think he might have got the ball first -- which Daniel de Rossi blasted over the bar. (And I laughed, because I dislike de Rossi for no apparent reason.) The clean sheet was encouraging, with Mikael Silvestre making his first start in ages (I'd almost forgotten about him), Rio Ferdinand making it through the game despite a foot injury, and Gary Neville finally returning from injury as a substitute. Player of the game, though, was Owen Hargreaves, who worked his socks off for 90 minutes and even set up Tevez's goal with a perfect cross.


Chelsea 2-0 Fenerbahce (3-2 agg)
Okay, somebody out there has a voodoo doll with a Chelsea goalkeeper kit, right? Because they are totally cursed. First Petr Cech gets his face all cut up in training (50 STITCHES! That is ridiculous.), and then Carlo Cudicini takes over from him and pulls a hamstring. And didn't this happen last year too? Voodoo doll, I'm telling you. Anyway, third-choice keeper Hilario made a few good saves to see Chelsea through to the next round. But they made things a bit tougher for themselves than they needed to. Michael Ballack's header gave them an early advantage, but they waited until the 87th minute to put the tie away with a second goal from Frank Lampard. Michael Essien, who set up that goal, however, will be missing the first semi-final game at Anfield through suspension, which is a boost to Liverpool.


Barcelona 1-0 Schalke (2-0 agg)
Barcelona did enough to get themselves into the semi-finals with another 1-0 victory over Schalke, but they didn't exactly look convincing in the process. There's been a constant stream of dressing-room drama, with Ronaldinho and Deco supposedly being dropped for partying too much, and Thierry Henry being generally mediocre now that he's left his Arsenal harem. Leo Messi will probably be back from injury for Barca when they face United later this month, but the bad news is that Carles Puyol will be suspended for the first leg after picking up another yellow card here.

Why do I always seem to be away during Champions League weeks?

Apologies for the lack of posts around here, but I've been on vacation all week. I meant to put something up before I left, but an insufficient amount of time and an oversufficient amount of alcohol conspired against it. Probably just as well, because all my Champions League predictions would have been woefully inaccurate.

The resort did have ESPN, but even I wasn't about to give up valuable beach time in favour of watching football. So I'm just catching up now.

• I did see the second half of United's game against Roma, as they took a 2-0 lead home to Old Trafford. It looked like a solid performance, not as over-cautious as they too often are when playing away in Europe. And Cristiano Ronaldo will have shut a few more people up with his goal here. The bad news is the injury to Nemanja Vidic; combined with Rio Ferdinand limping out of their game on the weekend, it leaves the back line looking rather shaky. Reminds me of last season, actually, when I think seem to recall them being forced into playing Darren Fletcher at right-back.
  
  
• Liverpool drew 1-1 with Arsenal at the Emirates, which gives them a slight advantage going into the second leg. But it's a very slight advantage. It's quite possible that Fernando Torres will score a brilliant goal and they'll put together another magnificent defensive performance and stymie Arsenal for 90 minutes, but it's equally possible that Pepe Reina will have a brain fart and then Dirk Kuyt will fall over his own feet when presented with an open net. I am expecting dreading that it's going to be another 1-1 followed by penalties.
  
  
• Chelsea took the lead against Fenerbahce through an own-goal, but then gave up two goals in the second half; it was the reverse of many of their games this season, as they played well but still lost. Ha. And Barcelona beat Schalke, as expected, albeit by only one goal -- the first Champions League goal for wunderkind Bojan Krkic.
  
  
• Meanwhile, in the league, United started the week by destroying Villa 4-0, demonstrating what they can do if you are foolish enough to go to Old Trafford and attempt to play rather than stringing 11 men across the goalmouth. They followed that up with a snowy 2-2 draw at Middlesbrough, who have been surprisingly tough against the so-called big teams this year. Uh-oh.
  
  
• Liverpool faced a couple of tricky games but have done pretty well, beating Everton 1-0 in the derby and then drawing against Arsenal with their second-string team in the league game sandwiched between their two Champions League matches. They still have only a narrow lead over Everton in the table, but it should be enough to preserve their spot in the top four. The boardroom drama continues; I continue to stick my fingers in my ears and chant "La la la I can't hear you."
  
  
• Chelsea are still steadily winning games, beating Middlesbrough and then Man City. They're now only three points behind Manchester United and I'm starting to get a bit worried. But I refuse to believe that United can be caught by a team managed by one of the Gorgs from Fraggle Rock.
  
  
• Arsenal staged an amazing comeback last weekend, beating a doomed Bolton 3-2 after going down 2-0 and then having a man sent off. I was laughing at them when I left for the airport at halftime, and then they had to go and win after all, the bastards.
  
  
• Also, Newcastle apparently don't suck anymore...when did that happen?
  
  
• In the FA Cup, Portsmouth beat West Brom and Cardiff beat Barnsley, both one-nil, to reach the finals. I am trying to care and failing miserably, especially now that designated minnows Barnsley are out.
  
  
• And here at home, Toronto FC are off to another dismal start to the season, losing their first two games on the road, against Columbus and DC United. I think this could be a chronic problem for them, because they're probably going to start every season away from home while they wait for the snow to melt. Makes it hard to build any sort of momentum when you've already dropped points in your first few games. A bit of good news (I guess?) is that they've signed Laurent Robert from Derby. Yeah, only in MLS is picking up a player from the worst team in the Premiership seen as an asset.

Champions League Round of 16

Inter Milan 0-1 Liverpool (0-3 agg)
So, job done.

Liverpool have usually been very good at strangling the life out of their opponents in European games. But now they've combined that with the threat of Fernando Torres up front, they're practically lethal.

This was a strong, disciplined performance, as they withstood all of Inter's pressure in the first half -- and for all their effort, Inter didn't produce all that many shots on target. Pepe Reina did have to make two very good saves -- diving to stop a snap shot from the edge of the box by Julio Cruz in the opening period, and a reflexive save from Cruz's backheel just before halftime -- but other than that they were wasteful in front of goal. Cruz had a couple of near misses, and Zlatan Ibrahimovic was also guilty, although he had an excellent game otherwise in terms of creating chances for his teammates.

Liverpool were creating a few chances of their own, but just like in the first leg, it was a refereeing decision that determined the course of the game, as Nicolas Burdisso was sent off for a second yellow card just after half-time. The second booking, for a lunge on Lucas Leiva may have been a bit harsh, but I thought it was certainly a foul, and there was no question about the first one, when he twisted his leg around Dirk Kuyt to bring him down. In any case, maybe it was a bit of karma in return for that 1965 semi-final that Liverpool lost.

They took advantage of their extra man and cranked up the pressure, with Torres eventually striking in the 63rd minute. Fabio Aurelio won the ball on the left wing and crossed it to Torres, who took one touch, spun and hit a beautiful shot past the keeper at the near post. That left Inter needing to score four goals to survive -- an almost impossible task, and you could see it in their players' defeated body language as Liverpool passed the ball around easily to run down the clock.

And now we've got four English teams in the quarter-finals, along with Barcelona, Roma, Schalke and Fenerbahce. I don't care much about all the hype about this proving that the Premiership is the best league in the world. But I think the draw on Friday will be very very interesting.

Champions League Round of 16: March 5

Champions League Round of 16: March 5

Real Madrid 1-2 Roma (2-4 agg)
That sound you hear is Iker Casillas weeping into his gloves as the defence in front of him imploded once again and Real Madrid crashed out of the Champions League at this stage for the fourth year in a row. Pepe was sent off for a second yellow card in the 71st minute, and just a couple minutes later Taddei scored the opening goal for Roma. Raul equalized shortly thereafter, but his team would have still needed another goal to bring them level over two legs. Instead it was Roma who scored again, Vucinic guaranteeing their place in the next round with a goal in stoppage time.

Chelsea 3-0 Olympiakos
Fucking Chelsea. I guess it was too much to hope that they would choke. Instead they've cruised through, helped by the fact that Olympiakos were essentially useless. They've also demonstrated that Michael Ballack and Frank Lampard can play together after all: the opening goal was a Ballack header from Lampard's cross, the second Ballack's shot and Lampard scoring the rebound. (Kalou added the third goal in the second half.) So, I don't know; maybe we need to start teaching Steven Gerrard some German.

Porto - Schalke (1-1 agg; 1-4 pen)
Porto were down to 10 men when Lisandro Lopez scored in the 86th minute to cancel out Schalke's 1-0 lead from the first leg and force extra time. But after that ended with no more goals, Schalke keeper Manuel Neuer made two penalty saves to send his team into the quarter-finals for the first time.

Liverpool travel to Italy next week for the second leg against Inter. I will be wearing my lucky red shirt and attempting not to bite my fingernails.

Champions League Round of 16: March 4

Manchester United 1-0 Lyon (2-1 agg)
This was hardly a dominant display from United, but they've done enough to see themselves through to the next round. Sir Alex fielded a slightly odd lineup, with Nani and Ronaldo flanking Rooney in a 4-3-3 -- although I suppose it could've been just a cunningly disguised version of United's usual European 4-5-1 -- and the team didn't quite seem to gel. The only goal came from Ronaldo just before half-time, after Lyon's defense (still their weakest point) failed to clear their lines after Wes Brown's cross. But apart from hat, United were guilty of some sloppy play and failed to really kill off the game, which could've come back to bite them in the ass if Kader Keita's shot had gone in instead of rebounding off the post. For Lyon, Benzema was once again their most dangerous player by a mile; it will definitely be interesting to see if United pursue him in the summer. I think he'd be a fantastic addition to the squad, even though I also expect him to cost a ridiculous amount of money.

Milan 0-2 Arsenal (0-2 agg)
You know, I'm not sure why everyone was so convince Milan were going to win this one. Based on their historical record, sure, but on current form? Of course it's easy to say in hindsight, but I expected it to be very finely balanced indeed. Milan were the stronger team for the first 20 minutes or so -- I wonder if Arsenal's youngsters were overawed by the San Siro -- but Arsenal worked themselves into the game and only got better as it went on, with Milan looking a bit worn down. Midfield is usually Milan's strength, but Fabregas, Flamini and Hleb were superior to the Italian trio of Pirlo, Gattuso and Ambrosini, with Kaka reduced to running down blind alleys and petulantly throwing the ball away (what would Jesus say, Ricky?). Fabregas finally broke the deadlock in the 84th minute with a long-range shot. It was well struck, but I think Kalac could've done, because he had plently of time to get down and cover it. It didn't matter, though, because Milan had very little time to equalize, and instead Arsenal scored again, as Theo Walcott set up Adebayor in stoppage time, and last year's champions are out. Mostly I feel sad for Paolo Maldini, because this was his last Champions League game ever, and as a total class act -- not to mention, um, a total hotass -- he deserves infinitely better than for it to end this way.

Barcelona 1-0 Celtic (4-2 agg)
A pretty predictable Barcelona win, as Celtic's dreadful away form in Europe continues. Barcelona's goal came in the third minute, Xavi scoring, with Celtic barely having touched the ball up to that point. Barca could have easily run up the score after that, but they didn't really need to bother, coming into the game with a 3-2 lead from the first leg. Although they've easily made it into the quarter-finals, unfortunately the Catalan team has lost Lionel Messi to a recurrence of the hamstring injury that sidelined him earlier this year, as he went down injured in the first half and left the field in tears. Poor kid has had some rotten luck.

Sevilla 3-2 Fenerbahce (5-5 agg; 2-3 pen)
Sevilla and Fenerbahce produced another five-goal thriller after the 3-2 result in Turkey a couple of weeks ago. Sevilla took an early lead with goals from Daniel Alves and Seydou Keita. Deivid then pulled one back for Fenerbahce but Sevilla widened their lead again before halftime through Freddie Kanoute. In the 79th minute, though, Deivid scored again to force extra time. That ended goalless before Fenerbahce finally squeaked through on penalties, as goalkeeper Volkan Demirel, who had flapped at Sevilla's first two goals, saved three penalty kicks to put his team through.

Champions League Round of 16: February 20

Lyon 1-1 Manchester United
United lined up in the same 4-5-1 that they always seem to use in Europe, but the cautious formation, with Wayne Rooney alone up front, really didn't test the rickety Lyon defence enough. In fact, Lyon started stronger and had a good spell at the beginning of the game before United settled down and got themselves into it. Sir Alex also opted for experience over youth in the starting lineup, with Scholes and Giggs brought back into the team after being left out for the FA Cup win over Arsenal. But although the veterans were enjoying an Indian summer last year, they just don't seem to be up to it this season. Cristiano Ronaldo had a quiet game too, and although United were edging the possession stats, they hadn't created many clear shot -- aside from a good chance that Wayne Rooney missed when clean through on goal in the first half.

Lyon took the lead early in the second half, against the run of play, with Karim Benzema grabbing a goal out of nothing -- three defenders around him, he found space for a powerful shot that was well placed in the corner past Van der Sar. You can certainly see why United might be interested in buying him -- provided he's a bit less fragile than Louis Saha. Sir Alex responded to going behind by replacing Giggs and Scholes with Nani and Tevez, and that made the difference in the end, as Tevez snatched a late equalizer. Overall it was a fairly even game, but United were the better team, and the scoreline should position them well for the return leg at Old Trafford.


Arsenal 0-0 Milan
This was the perfect example of why a scoreless game doesn't have to be boring. It was fascinating to watch, with Arsenal's energy and flair neutralized by Milan's guile. Arsenal's best chance came in stoppage time, when Adebayor headed a cross from Theo Walcott onto the crossbar. Adebayor was the focal point of their attack throughout, with perhaps more long balls forward than we're used to seeing from Arsenal, in hopes of catching the Milan defence off-guard. Milan, meanwhile, started with Pato on his own up front, somewhat surprisingly -- I would've thought that Pippo Inzaghi was made for nights like this, but maybe he's not quite fit? -- and although the duckling showed flashes of his potential, ultimately it was a frustrating night for him.

Both teams lost key defenders to injury -- Toure in the 7th minute, Nesta in the 50th -- but although Toure's absence could be a bigger blow to Arsenal in the long run, they coped better here than Milan did. Milan's strength, as usual, was their midfield, but Flamini nullified Kaka & co. quite effectively. Arsenal should be happy to have kept a clean sheet but regret not winning the game outright. Now they have to go to Italy and get something from the San Siro. In other seasons you might say that's a tall order, but it's less daunting when you consider Milan's home form this year.

In any case, it will give me another opportunity to partake in the Milan Drinking Game, the most important part of which involves taking a drink every time the commentators mention Maldini's age. Guaranteed to get you drunk by halftime.


Celtic 2-3 Barcelona
Barcelona went behind to Celtic twice before finally coming back to win with two goals from Lionel Messi and another from Thierry Henry. It was a very back-and-forth game but Barcelona had the majority of the possession and shots and thoroughly deserved the win. So much for Celtic's excellent home record in European games -- and now they have to hope to win in Spain which is, shall we say, not bloody likely.

Fenerbahce 3-2 Sevilla
Another five-goal game, this one decided by a goal from substitute Semih Senturk in the 87th minute to give Fenerbahce the win. The Turkish team took the lead initially, with Sevilla equalizing a few minutes later through an own-goal, and Fenerbahce going ahead again in the second half before Sevilla levelled things up once more. I'm still deciding whether to bother watching this later.

Champions League Round of 16: February 19

Liverpool 2-0 Inter
For 85 minutes, I thought that this was going to be one of those nights. One of those games where, no matter how much Liverpool dominated, they just weren't going to score.

Liverpool started strongly, pushing Inter back and forcing the defenders into errors, like those two fouls by Materazzi on Torres. That may have added up to a harsh red card -- although, come on, if you were going to bet on a player being sent off, it would totally have been Matrix. But even with a one-man advantage and almost 70% of possession, they still couldn't find a way through. You could see the same problems that have plagued them all season with their inability to kill games off; they really didn't create enough clear chances to test the keeper. In fact, I was starting to worry that it would be Inter who'd manage to steal a goal.

But finally, it was the much-maligned Dirk Kuyt who scored the crucial goal for Liverpool, with a lot of help from a deflection. I still don't understand Rafa's penchant for playing him as a winger (considering that he has neither speed nor a great deal of skill on the ball), but at least he was in the right place at the right time for once. By that point, Inter's defence had been weakened further as their other centre half, Ivan Cordoba, had already been taken off injured. And substitute Patrick Vieira, who looks to be about half the player he once was, had been very lucky not to concede a penalty after a blatant handball in the box.

Gerrard added a bit of gloss to the scoreline with a 90th-minute goal that found its way through a crowd of players and arrowed in off the far post. That leaves Liverpool with a two-goal advantage heading into the second leg in Milan, with the bonus of not having given up an away goal. How come they can do it against the best teams in Europe but not against fucking Barnsley? Gah.

Also: Shut up, Tommy Smyth. I should know better than to expect anything insightful from the ESPN commentators, but really. Whatever strategy Liverpool tried yesterday, he criticized. First he didn't like that they were playing the ball back and forth across the pitch -- despite the fact that that's a pretty good way to pull the other team out of position, especially when they're a man down. Then he said that they needed to keep possession more. (More than 70%? Whatever.) Then he said that rather than holding on to the ball, they should be running at defenders instead. Eedjit.


Roma 2-1 Real
Real will be disappointed not to have come away with at least a draw, after taking an early lead with a goal from Raul and dominating much of the play. But Roma got over their intra-team squabbling and came back to win the game, helped by a deflected goal and then a defensive lapse by Gabriel Heinze. Poor Iker Casillas. He deserves better.

Olympiakos 0-0 Chelsea
"Do I want to watch Chelsea grind out another stultifying scoreless draw?" I asked myself. And the answer was, emphatically, no. Instead, I will give you this statistic: Five shots on target in the whole game. For both teams combined. That's the excitement of European competition, right there.

Schalke 1-0 Porto
Kevin Kuranyi gave his team a narrow lead with an early goal. I strongly disapprove of Kevin Kuranyi's facial hair.

Champions League Round of 16 Preview

Tuesday's games

• Liverpool v Inter: Inter are cruising on top of Serie A, while Liverpool are fighting for fourth in Premiership and their form has been, shall we say, uneven recently (I'm trying to be kind). Still, you can never count Liverpool out in the big European games. And Rafa Benitez desperately needs his team to step up and perform like they did against Barcelona last year. Liverpool has most of their injured players back, with the exception of Daniel Agger, who's still not back from that damn metatarsal injury. So that means Jamie Carragher will presumably get the job of coping with Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who is joint top-scorer in the Champions League this year; oh, and Carra just happens to be one yellow card away from a suspension. It's slightly terrifying. Actually, I am going to be one big bundle of nerves through this whole game. A final note: the two teams last met in 1965, when Inter beat Liverpool in the semis and went on to win the European Cup. So that's a good omen right there.
  
  
• Roma v Real Madrid: Roma lost 1-0 to Juventus -- their challengers for second place in the league -- at the weekend. And they've been dealing with all sorts of dressing-room drama, including a training-ground spat between Panucci and Aquilani. Real also lost over the weekend, with Barcelona cutting their lead in La Liga down to five points. But they seem to have built a solid team in the post-Galactico era, and I think they can beat Roma, although it probably won't be the kind of ass-whipping that Man Utd administered last year. (Sorry, just had to bring that up.) What I'm most interested to see is whether Roma are still playing that post-modernist no-striker style. (I did actually watch their game against Juventus over the weekend, but I didn't really pay much attention. Oops.)
  
  
• Olympiakos v Chelsea: Chelsea are reportedly leaving Lampard and Terry out of the squad tonight; does this mean that Olympiakos < Huddersfield? Drogba should be back, though, with Anelka relegated to the bench. Countdown to sulking starts...now. (Also: rotation, apparently, is okay as long as you're not Liverpool.) Chelsea are still chasing the quadruple, but I think the Champions League is probably their priority this year, and they should get past Olympiakos relatively easily. The Greek team will put up a fight at home, but really they were doing well just to make it this far, into the knockout stages for the first time in nine years.
  
  
• Schalke v Porto: A.k.a. the game nobody cares about; Setanta aren't even airing it until Wednesday. Porto are 10 points clear at the top of the league in Portugal, while Schalke are down in fifth place in the Bundesliga. I guess that makes them the Liverpool of Germany. Schalke have also been struggling to keep clean sheets lately, which is going to be a big problem for them with the importance of away goals here.

Wednesday's games

• Lyon v Man Utd: United are coming off a high from their FA Cup win over Arsenal. Now they just have to try not to choke against Lyon, who may still be on top in their domestic league but whose form has been slipping recently. The player to watch -- aside from Juninho and his free kicks -- is striker Karim Benzema, the wonder-boy of France. But I think Vidic and Ferdinand can cope with him, whereas Lyon's defence is definitely their weak point. The big question for United is going to be who starts up front. Rooney has proved his worth to the team, but will Tevez come back in, or maybe Louis Saha will hobble onto the pitch this time?
  
  
• Arsenal v Milan: I have absolutely no idea what's going to happen here. It really depends on which teams decide to show up. Do we get the Arsenal that plays teams off the pitch, or the spineless babies who lost to United on Saturday? Do we get the all-conquering Milan that has won a gazillion European trophies, or the team that can't win at home for love nor money? Other questions: Who will play in goal for Milan, with their first- and (possibly) second-choice keepers both injured? Will Pato be allowed to stay up past his bedtime for this game? And what are the odds on Eboue and Gattuso kicking the crap out of each other?
  
  
• Celtic v Barcelona: Looking into my crystal ball, I predict that Celtic will put up a sturdy performance at home in the first leg, only to totally collapse in Spain as Lionel Messi dribbles circles around them, Thierry Henry shrugs Frenchily, and Ronaldinho does...whatever it is that he does. Barcelona have seemed sort of aimless to me this year, but the chances that Celtic will knock them out at this stage are slim to none. As for Celtic, well, at least they'll have the bragging rights from making it farther in the competition than Rangers did.
  
  
• Fenerbahce v Sevilla: Ah, another game that nobody really cares about. Sevilla are stuttering this year, in sixth place in La Liga -- although they did beat Arsenal to top their Champions League group. Fenerbahce, on the other hand, are just one point behind Galatasaray in Turkey. But if I had to guess, I'd say that Sevilla will edge this one over the two legs.

At least it's not Liverpool v Chelsea AGAIN

(Yes, I know that Liverpool couldn't actually have been drawn against Chelsea this time. That is not the point.)

Instead, Liverpool have to face Inter, lucky them. I guess this is what they get for fucking around in the first three group games. On the other hand, at least they know that it's going to be a tough match, and will be taking nothing for granted. They do always seem to psych themselves up and outperform in these big games.

United, meanwhile, have been rewarded for cruising through the group stage by being matched up against Lyon -- probably the toughest of the second seeds they could have gotten, although I still think United should be the clear favourites.

Probably the most interesting match-up is going to be Arsenal versus Milan -- Wenger's bébés against the Geriatricos. Sarah's head is exploding right now. Roma versus Real Madrid should also be a cracker, if only to see if Iker Casillas finally snaps and throttles one of his own defenders.

The draw:
Celtic v Barcelona
Lyon v Manchester United
Schalke v Porto
Liverpool v Inter
Roma v Real Madrid
Arsenal v Milan
Olympiakos v Chelsea
Fenerbahçe v Sevilla

Champions League Matchday 5: November 27-28

Liverpool 4-1 Porto
A flattering scoreline for Liverpool, but I'm not about to complain, because they got the job done, and that's what matters at this point. They played pretty well for the first half-hour, Fernando Torres opening the scoring and suggesting that, unlike at Newcastle, he had his shooting boots on yesterday. But then Porto scored to even things up, somewhat against the run of play, and Liverpool looked frighteningly ragged for the rest of the half. They came out pushing for a goal after halftime, but their play looked laboured, as if they were almost trying too hard to break through. But at least in this game, Rafa wasn't afraid to use his substitutes, or making the changes too late to have an impact, bringing on first Harry Kewell and then Peter Crouch. It was Torres who ended up with the winning goal, though, proving his value and maybe reminding Hicks and Gillett just what you can do with a generous transfer budget, before Gerrard and Crouch added two more late goals to put a gloss on the game.

Manchester United 2-1 Sporting Lisbon
Not the most convincing performance by United. They looked sluggish and sloppy throughout the first half, while Sporting came out strongly and reaped their reward with the opening goal, as Kuszczak was badly beat at the near post (how much longer until Ben Foster is fit again, does anyone know?). But Sir Alex changed things up at halftime, bringing on Giggs and Tevez in place of Fletcher and Nani, and the substitutions eventually made the difference. First a bit of a lucky equalizer, as Ronaldo's shot was deflected in off Tevez. And then finally a stoppage-time winner: Ronaldo again, with a brilliant free kick from 30 yards out that swerved past the keeper into the far corner. They could've used some of that against Bolton, eh?

Group A
Beşiktaş 2-1 Marseille
Liverpool 4-1 Porto

This group is still completely open, with all four teams still having a chance to progress. Besiktas's win over Marseille might actually make things harder for Liverpool, because otherwise the French team could have already qualified when Liverpool travel there in a couple weeks. Liverpool need a third win in a row; a draw won't be enough, since they lost to Marseille on Matchday 2. Porto, meanwhile, are at home to Besiktas and need only a draw, which shouldn't be that tough because Besiktas seem to be crap on the road.

Group B
Rosenborg 0-4 Chelsea
Valencia 0-0 Schalke

Chelsea cruised to a win over Rosenborg and clinched first place in the group -- a bit of revenge for the draw in their opening game that was the end for Jose Mourinho. Schalke v. Rosenborg on Matchday 6 will determine which of them will be the other team to go through, while Valencia -- who lost captain David Albelda to an early red card in their draw here -- play out a meaningless game with Chelsea.

Group C
Werder Bremen 3-2 Real Madrid
Lazio 1-2 Olympiakos

Werder Bremen's victory over Real Madrid is a great result for the injury-wracked team, although they'll still need to beat Olympiakos to survive the group. Real Madrid won't be happy to have things still up in the air when they're at home to Lazio in the final game (and I'm sure Iker Casillas will be making his exasperated face many more times), but Olympiakos' comeback here means that the Italians have very little chance of moving on.

Group D
Benfica 1-1 AC Milan
Celtic 2-1 Shakhtar Donetsk

Milan's draw with Benfica guaranteed their spot in the knockout round, while Benfica can hope for the UEFA Cup at best when they travel to the Ukraine to face Shakhtar Donetsk. Celtic's stoppage-time winner over Shakhtar means that they need just a point in Milan to move on, although that may not be such an easy task.

Group E
Stuttgart 3-2 Rangers
Lyon 2-2 Barcelona

A very back-and-forth game between Stuttgart and Rangers resulted in a first win for the German team, but it was too little, too late, as they've still been knocked out. Barcelona are assured of first place in the group after their draw with Lyon, who came back to equalize twice thanks to Juninho. Lyon visit Rangers on Matchday 6 in a fight for the second spot in the round of 16.

Group F
Dynamo Kiev 1-4 Roma
Manchester United 2-1 Sporting Lisbon

United maintained their perfect record in the competition so far this year and clinched their place atop the group, while Roma also booked their place in the next round with an emphatic win that eliminated Dynamo Kiev. That leaves the last set of games virtually meaningless, with the final standings already determined, so expect a second-string United team to travel to Italy.

Group G
CSKA Moscow 0-1 PSV Eindhoven
Inter Milan 3-0 Fenerbahçe

Inter's decisive victory over Fenerbahçe puts them on top of the group and through to the next round, ahead of their away game against PSV. Fenerbahçe, now fighting it out with PSV for the second spot, will host CSKA, who have already been knocked out.

Group H
Sevilla 3-1 Arsenal
Steaua Bucharest 1-1 Slavia Prague

Having already booked their place in the last 16, Arsenal fielded a weakened lineup in Seville and paid the price, throwing away a 1-0 lead in what turned out to be a pretty poor game for the Gunners (especially the hapless Philippe Senderos) and their first loss of the season. The win for Sevilla moves them ahead of Arsenal atop the group, with just their final position left to be decided. Slavia Prague, at home to Sevilla in the next round, will drop into the UEFA Cup after their draw with Steaua Bucharest, while eliminated Steaua travel to the Emirates.

Champions League Matchday 4: Manchester United 4-0 Dynamo Kiev

There's not a lot to say about this game. It was a comfortable win for United, against decidedly inferior opposition. United are now the only team in the competition with a perfect record so far, and they've guaranteed their place in the last 16 with two games to spare.

Dynamo Kiev still don't have a single point, but they put up a bit of a fight at the beginning of the game, until Gerard Pique broke the deadlock with a header from a free kick that had pinged around the box and off the back of Carlos Tevez. And it was Tevez who scored the second goal, just six minutes later, winning the ball in his own half and exchanging passes with Wayne Rooney before unleashing a powerful shot.

The stats said that United had had a quite incredible 75% of possession by halftime, and although they were slightly less dominant in the second half, they didn't need to be. Dynamo Kiev had a few decent chances but failed to capitalize, which could have changed the game. Wayne Rooney added a third goal in the 75th minute with a perfect volley from Nani's cross, and Cristiano Ronaldo finished things off with a late goal, dinking inside from the left wing and firing it into the far corner.


And in the other games:

• Lyon 4-2 Stuttgart: Lyon took an early 2-0 lead, but Stuttgart twice pulled within one goal of a draw before Juninho's late goal guaranteed the win that kept their hopes of progressing alive.
  
  
• Barcelona 2-0 Rangers: Barca consolidated their position atop Group E with a straightforward victory, with Rangers unable to repeat their stubborn performance of two weeks ago.
  
  
• Sporting Lisbon 2-2 Roma: Roma opened the scoring in the fourth minute, before Sporting bounced back with two goals from Liedson. But they were denied the three points by a heartbreaking last-minute own-goal that allowed Roma to equalize.
  
  
• Inter Milan 4-2 CSKA Moscow: Inter went behind 2-0 within the first half-hour, but came back to equalize almost immediately and then went on to score twice more and maintain their position at the top of the group.
  
  
• Fenerbahce 2-0 PSV Eindhoven: Fenerbahce widened their lead over PSV in Group G with two first-half goals and moved closer to qualifying for the next round for the first time.
  
  
• Steaua Bucharest 0-2 Sevilla: Two goals from Renato were enough for Sevilla to defeat Steaua Bucharest, who have yet to earn a single point in the group.
  
  
• Slavia Prague 0-0 Arsenal: Arsenal fielded a weakened team and were unable to do more than draw in Prague, but they've qualified for the knockout stages nonetheless after this uninspiring result.

Champions League Matchday 4: Liverpool 8-0 Besiktas

Eight-nil. EIGHT-NIL. That's four times as many goals as Liverpool had scored in the group up until now, as a matter of fact. It's hard to convey just how thoroughly they dominated this game if you didn't see it, but how about this stat: one measley shot on target for Besiktas versus 19 for Liverpool. Yeah. Needless to say, Pepe Reina and the rest of the back line had very little to do. As for the rest of the team, they played extremely well, although it's hard to judge that accurately because Besiktas were abysmal. Their defending was almost comically inept, and the goalkeeper just couldn't seem to hold on to the ball -- he made Paul Robinson look world-class in comparison.

But regardless of the quality of the opposition, it was good to see Liverpool playing the ball around so easily, stretching the play across the entire field and finishing confidently. The whole team was just clicking, although I thought Yossi Benayoun, who scored a hat-trick and created a whackload of other chances, was one of the standout players, along with Andriy Voronin, who seemed to be everywhere and did just about everything but score. After Peter Crouch scored the opener, that seemed to ease the pressure, and Liverpool were 2-0 up and cruising by halftime. But they didn't retreat into a defensive shell for a change, coming out even stronger and absolutely destroying Besiktas in the second half.

They did have a bit of luck as well, like with Ryan Babel's second goal, or the way the ball broke into Peter Crouch's path for the opener. But a lot of their goals were also created by hard work and getting into the right place at the right time -- like Benayoun's second and third -- or by beautiful bits of skill -- like Steven Gerrard's surging run and one-two with Voronin for the fifth goal, or Babel's cheeky backheel for the sixth. Overall, it was just a fantastic team performance.

As for why they couldn't do this before? I have no idea, really. Playing at home shouldn't be that big an advantage, although I do think it was a factor in Besiktas offering slightly more robust opposition a couple weeks ago in Turkey. The thing is, though, that Liverpool weren't terrible last time -- aside from their finishing, that is -- and they were a bit unlucky that Besiktas took the lead with an own-goal. Certainly, they were worse against Porto in Portugal, when they were outplayed and had a man sent off, but scrounged a draw nonetheless. And they were much, much worse against Marseille at Anfield, when they unquestionably should have won but totally failed to step up. Maybe they were too constrained by the pressure of not losing those games, whereas this time, when there was even more pressure and they absolutely had to win, there was nothing to do but go for it.

Or maybe Rafa spiked their Wheaties. Who knows.


Meanwhile, in the other games:

• Porto 2-1 Marseille: Porto earned a tight victory over Marseille to vault them into first place in the group. This result makes things a little tougher for Liverpool, though.
  
  
• Valencia 0-2 Rosenborg: An extremely disappointing result for Valencia, losing at home to the Norwegian underdogs, thanks to two goals from Steffen Iversen.
  
  
• Schalke 0-0 Chelsea: Chelsea eked out a lucky draw with Schalke that still leaves them well positioned to qualify for the next round. The most serious consequence, though, was losing Petr Cech to a calf injury that may require surgery.
  
  
• Lazio 2-1 Werder Bremen: Three much-needed points for Lazio, with two goals from Tommasso Rocchi. Diego put away a late penalty for the German side, but it wasn't enough, as they fall to the bottom of Group C.
  
  
• Olympiakos 0-0 Real Madrid: Olympiakos frustrated Real Madrid, with neither team able to score, although Madrid remain undefeated and comfortably on top of their group.
  
  
• Shakhtar Donetsk 0-3 AC Milan: It was all scoreless at halftime, but Milan broke through in the last half-hour with two goals from Pippo Inzaghi and one from Kaka -- also set up by Inzaghi -- to move three points clear of the Ukrainian team.
  
  
• Celtic 1-0 Benfica: A goal by Aiden McGeady just before halftime was enough for Celtic, whose solid home form continues with a win over Benfica that moves them level with Shakhtar Donetsk on points in Group D.

Champions League Group Stage

Seeing as we're halfway through the Champions League group stage, I thought I'd take a look at the standings and the upcoming matches, and try to figure out if Liverpool have a hope in hell of qualifying for the next round. And having done that, I figured I might as well go through the rest of the groups as well. So here you go:

Group A
Marseille W2, D1, L0; 7 pts
Porto W1, D2, L0; 5 pts
Besiktas W1, D0, L2; 3 pts
Liverpool W0, D1, L2; 1 pt

Basically: yes, Liverpool do still have a chance, despite only having one measly point so far. But they need to win all three of their remaining games, and hope that some other results fall their way. (I haven't tried to work out all the permutations, because they make my head hurt.) They do have the advantage of two home games coming up, against Besiktas and then Porto, and then maybe they can hope that Marseille will have already qualified and will put out a weakened team in their last game. But none of it will matter if they can't beat Besiktas at Anfield tomorrow.


Group B
Chelsea W2, D1, L0; 7 pts
Rosenborg W1, D1, L1; 4 pts
Valencia W1, D0, L2; 3 pts
Schalke W1, DO, L2; 3 pts

Chelsea's position at the top of the table isn't entirely secure, especially with two away games (against Schalke and Rosenborg) coming up next, but I expect them to pick up enough points anyway. Valencia haven't been doing particularly well so far, but I expect them to be the second team from this group, with Ronald Koeman brought in as the new coach to shore things up, plus the advantage of two home games before they travel to Stamford Bridge for their final match.


Group C
Real Madrid W2, D1, L0; 7 pts
Olympiakos W1, D1, L1; 4 pts
Werder Bemen W1, D0, L2; 3 pts
Lazio W0, D2, L1; 2 pts

Real Madrid are in basically the same position as Chelsea, in terms of results so far and games coming up, and like Chelsea, I expect them to pick up the points they need. The second team is harder to predict, but I'd say that Olympiakos may have the best odds -- we'll have to see what kind of performance they turn in when Real Madrid visit this week. Lazio and Werder Bremen, meanwhile, meet in Rome, with both teams really needing a win, but the Germans will be hampered by the absence of captain Torsten Frings, out until the New Year with injury.


Group D
AC Milan W2, D0, L1; 6 pts
Shakhtar Donetsk W2, D0, L1; 6 pts
Benfica W1, D0, L2; 3 pts
Celtic W1, D0, L2; 3 pts

It's a top-of-the-table battle between Shakhtar Donetsk and Milan this week; a win for either team would give them one foot in the knockout round. Milan have been wildly inconsistent so far this season -- one week they're thumping Sampdoria 5-0, the next week they're grinding out a scoreless draw with Empoli -- so it's almost impossible to know which team will turn up in the Ukraine tomorrow. Celtic, meanwhile, will be hoping that their good form at home continues when they face Benfica, with both teams desperate for a win.


Group E
Barcelona W2, D1, L0; 7 pts
Rangers W2, D1, L0; 7 pts
Lyon W1, D0, L2; 3 pts
Stuttgart W0, D0, L3; 0 pts

Barcelona and Rangers face off again this week, after their scoreless draw in Glasgow; I expect the game at the Camp Nou to be a different story, with Barca out for revenge for Rangers' "anti-football." Lyon are at home to Stuttgart, who have yet to earn a single point in the competition, and a win for the French team -- who beat them 2-0 in Stuttgart last time -- would give them some much-needed points and put pressure on Rangers.


Group F
Man United W3, D0, L0; 9 pts
Roma W2, D0, L1; 6 pts
Sporting Lisbon W1, D0, L2; 3 pts
Dynamo Kiev W0, D0, L3; 0 pts

Manchester United are firmly in control at the top of the group, and victory against group whipping boys Dynamo Kiev when they visit Old Trafford would secure their place in the next round. Roma face a tricky tie away to Sporting Lisbon, and will be without captain Francesco Totti; I wouldn't be surprised if second place in the group comes down to how these two teams do in their final round of games, when Roma will be at home to United and Sporting travel to the Ukraine.


Group G
Inter Milan W2, D0, L1; 6 pts
Fenerbahce W1, D2, L0; 5 pts
PSV Eindhoven W1, D1, L1; 4 pts
CSKA Moscow W0, D1, L2; 1 pt

Inter lost their opening match away to Fenerbahce but have done well since then and are currently on top of the group, albeit barely. Their home game against last-place CSKA Moscow should give them all three points. Fenerbahce also have a home game, against PSV, who've just lost their manager Ronald Koeman to Valencia, which gives the Turkish team a perfect opportunity to take advantage and stretch their one-point lead.


Group H
Arsenal W3, D0, L0; 9 pts
Sevilla W2, D0, L1; 6 pts
Slavia Prague W1, D0, L2; 3 pts
Steaua Bucharest W0, D0, L3; 0 pts

Arsenal are cruising after their 7-0 demolition of Slavia Prague last time out. They have to travel to Prague this week, but will still be expecting to win. Sevilla, in second place, are coming off a confidence-building defeat of Real Madrid at the weekend, but they face an away game in Romania, are dealing with some injuries and have a new coach to consider, after Juande Ramos left for Tottenham. If they fail to win against last-place Steaua Bucharest, their fate could come down to Slavia v Sevilla on Matchday 6.

Champions League Matchday 3: October 23-24

Besiktas 2-1 Liverpool
OH MY GOD LIVERPOOL. I MEAN, OH MY GOD.

Also, poor Sami Hyypia. That's two own-goals in less than a week -- although I don't think this one was his fault, exactly, just comedy defending all around. Their previously rock-solid defence has gone a bit wonky in the past few games. They seem to get panicky -- kind of like England, actually, and I suspect for the same reason: they don't have the confidence that if they do concede, they'll be able to pull one back easily enough. They had plenty of possession in this game, and in fact plenty of shots on goal, but without Fernando Torres they didn't have the necessary touch of class up front. There's no question that they're missing Agger and Alonso as well (I can only assume Xabi's not quite match fit, because otherwise there is no reason for him not to have been on the pitch tonight), but that's not a good enough excuse for the way they wasted their opportunities here. Gerrard finally found the net in the 85th minute, but it was far too late, as Besiktas had already added a second goal by that point. Liverpool do still have a chance to make it out of the group stage, but they'll have to win all three of their remaining matches to do that, which is a tall order unless they can step up their game. A lot.


Dynamo Kiev 2-4 Manchester United
First of all, kudos to the TSN braintrust for lopping off the first 10 minutes or so of each half, just so they could be sure to have enough time for their hockey pre-game show. On top of that, the picture kept cutting out, and all the players looked vaguely green. But I suppose I should just be grateful that they picked up the broadcast in time to see United's opening goal. Anyway, I thought that United played pretty well, although they were helped by some terrible defending by Dynamo. The Ukrainians put together some decent play of their own -- United won't be happy to have given up those two goals -- but whenever United attacked they seemed to be happy to just sit back and watch. Dynamo were a bit unlucky to concede the penalty for United's fourth goal, but honestly I'd almost say that the scoreline flattered them, because they were so dire at the back. You barely noticed that United had had Paul Scholes and Patrice Evra added to their growing list of injuries.


Chelsea 2-0 Schalke
Blah. Another solid but hardly inspiring performance by Chelsea. The game was essentially over after Malouda's early goal slipped right through the keeper's hands. There was another goal for Drogba (who else) later on, and decent penalty appeals for both sides, but I found it extremely hard to care. Instead, I am wondering: what happened to the supposed revolution at Stamford Bridge? Because the new Chelsea looks remarkably like the old Chelsea -- dour but effective -- so what was the point of sacking Mourinho? (Apart from, I guess, the unforgivable sin of criticizing John Terry.) Where is the sparkling entertainment that the emperor Roman promised us? We've got the bread, but what about the circus? (Also, I'm curious about what's going on backstage that means Sheva only gets a late cameo every now and again. Unless it's just a cruel reminder that he's cup-tied and can't stroll back to Milan in January.)


Arsenal 7-0 Slavia Prague
Well. I kind of don't know what to say about that. Arsenal were just stunningly good. I think that Slavia might have been quite bad, too, but it was hard to tell because Arsenal didn't give them much chance to be anything else. By the second half they were clearly just playing for fun, and they still went out and scored four more goals. I am kind of terrified about Liverpool having to play them this weekend. Just imagine Theo Walcott up against Sami Hyypia. That's not even fair.


Group A
Beşiktaş 2-1 Liverpool
Marseille 1-1 Porto

Group B
Rosenborg 2-0 Valencia
Chelsea 2-0 Schalke

Group C
Werder Bremen 2-1 Lazio
Real Madrid 4-2 Olympiacos

Group D
Benfica 1-0 Celtic
AC Milan 4-1 Shakhtar Donetsk

Group E
Stuttgart 0-2 Lyon
Rangers 0-0 Barcelona

Group F
Dynamo Kiev 2-4 Manchester United
Roma 2-1 Sporting Lisbon

Group G
CSKA Moscow 1-2 Inter Milan
PSV Eindhoven 0-0 Fenerbahçe

Group H
Sevilla 2-1 Steaua Bucharest
Arsenal 7-0 Slavia Prague