World Cup Quarter-finals

The quarter-final matches that didn't make me want to stab anyone, that is...

Germany 1-1 Argentina (Germany wins 4-2 on penalties)
Let's say you're managing Argentina in the World Cup, and you've currently got a slim 1-0 lead over Germany in the quarter-finals. You've got Messi, Aimar and Saviola -- among others -- on the bench. What do you do?

Most of us would probably think, "This German team has been pretty good offensively so far. I don't think a one-goal lead is going to be enough. Their defence, on the other hand, is kind of shaky -- seeing as it mostly involves being tall and blond -- so let's see if we can score another one."

If you're Jose Pekerman, on the other hand, you take a page from Sven Goran Erikson's Big Book of Management Fuck-ups and pull off your main playmaker in favour of a defensive midfielder.

Which worked brilliantly, because Germany promptly went out and equalized.

So Pekerman fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go up against Germany on penalties when the World Cup is on the line.

(Did you see the pictures of Oliver Kahn hugging Jens Lehmann after the penalty shoot-out? Please tell me I'm not the only one who found that more than a little terrifying.)


Brazil 0-1 France
Somebody should've reminded Brazil that you have to do more than just show up to win the World Cup, no matter how bonito your joga is supposed to be. They never got out of second gear, whereas France has finally shaken off their first-round apathy and totally outclassed the Brazilians in this match.

I still think Thierry Henry needs to spend a little less time complaining about diving and a little more time studying the offside rule, but nevertheless I hope that France knocks those cheating Portuguese wankers out in the next round.


Italy 3-0 Ukraine
Italy, also, are stepping up their performance at just the right time. Admittedly, they had the easiest of all the quarter-final draws, but the Italians looked pretty solid. Their semi-final match with Germany should be fantastic. (Either that, or a deadly nil-nil draw.) As for Ukraine: thanks for playing, we have some lovely parting gifts for you.

Things we have learned from the World Cup this week

• Losing on a last-minute penalty is probably the shittiest way ever to go out of the World Cup. I wasn't a huge fan of the Socceroos going into the tournament -- due partly to their inexplicable connection with John Travolta -- but you've got to feel for them. Particularly Harry Kewell, who apparently missed their final game because he was struck down with gout. Yes, gout. Like he's Henry VIII or something?
  
  
• Switzerland make England look like a penalty-taking machine by comparison. Apart from that, they're extremely boring to watch, especially without Philippe Senderos running around all bloody.
  
  
• Half the guys on the Ukraine team are named Andriy. What is up with that?
  
  
• Brazil don't have to play pretty football to win. They just win. (Bastards.) Apparently this is fine for Brazil, whereas for England it sets off a national crisis.
  
  
• I should have known that cheering for Spain was a bad idea. I blithely ignored all that talk about them being perennial underachievers, because they actually had a good team this year. They cruised through the group stage, and I started to really believe they could do it. And then what happened? They choked like the big choking chokers they are.
  
  
• If Thierry Henry really believes that diving makes you a woman, then he should be out shopping for some new sports bras right about now.
  
  
• Yes, I'm still bitter.

Meanwhile, Information Builders has been compiling the World Cup statistics that really matter. I'm sure you'll all be shocked to learn that Italy leads the tournament in diving, while Holland is #1 for tantrums. (Link from World Cup Blog.)

And now, I have to go figure out what to do with my fantasy football team. I'm tempted to sell all the English players, because then they'd probably win just to spite me.

World Cup III: Togo, or not Togo

I've been complaining at being stuck at work while the World Cup matches are on, but the advantage is that I don't feel compelled to watch games like Togo v. Korea or Tunisia v. Saudi Arabia, and I can just follow them online instead. Sounds like both games had a lot of action, but not a lot of skill.

And, actually, you could say the same about Germany v. Poland. The Polish keeper, Boruc, was pretty good, but most of my entertainment came from wondering how many different ways the Germans could find to fuck up in front of goal. Also, Klinsmann really ought to remind them that passing into space is great, but not if your teammates are running in the opposite direction. Still, they got the win, and it looks like Germany will be the first team to book its place in the final 16.

Of the other games that I actually watched:

• Brazil 1-0 Croatia: It was probably impossible for Brazil to live up to all the pre-tournament hype, but they're going to have to step it up a notch if they want to win this thing. It's not that they were bad, they just weren't as fantastic as I'd expected. Croatia. meanwhile, are probably the best of what you'd think of as the second-tier European teams -- along with Serbia; if only the country didn't keep splitting into smaller and smaller pieces.
  
  
• Spain 4-0 Ukraine: I'm trying not to get too excited over this result, because chances are they're just going to choke in the quarter-finals, but damn that was a great performance from Spain. They've got an excellent midfield, now that Aragones seems to have stopped fucking around with his lineup (and got over his fear of the colour yellow), and they're very good at holding possession. I thought the penalty for Torres was a bad call by the ref, and I wouldn't be surprised if Shevchenko uses some of Abramovich's rubles to take out a hit on the linesmen, because he got screwed by offside calls a few times, but Spain were cruising in spite of the officiating.

Question of the day: Which of the supposed star strikers has underperformed the most so far? Ronaldo? Thierry Henry? Wee Michael Owen? My vote goes to Henry, because he doesn't have the excuse of recovering from injury or carrying around a whole extra person. Of course, he doesn't have the team built around him the way he does at Arsenal, but still, you expect him not to suck quite this much at an international level.

Oh, and the other advantage to watching the games on tape in the evening? The ability to fast-forward through all the annoying commercials (no more really cool oom-pah-pah bands!) and the half-time blather. I still think the Canadian commentators are better than the guys on ESPN, but really, they shouldn't have so much trouble pronouncing "Thierry Henry." Considering that we speak French here and all.