Things that are good

1. Toronto FC finally won a game -- not only that, but it was an away win! And a game they really shouldn't have won at all. They were missing a bunch of players, and they had a grand total of two shots on target -- but one of those was the only goal of the game, a gorgeous free kick by Chad Barrett. Picking up three points means that TFC have pulled themselves up into playoff contention again, although it's all looking very tight at the bottom of the Eastern division.

2. The Canadian women's team has made it to the Olympic quarter-finals, despite losing 2-1 to Sweden this morning. They finished as one of the two best third-place teams in the group stage, and as a reward, they'll face the USA on Friday. Oh goody.

3. Manchester United beat Portsmouth in the Community Shield. Although it seems that I don't care so much about the Community Shield if it doesn't involve somebody beating Chelsea. Still, it was nice to see Gary Neville and his dubious moustache again.

4. Cristiano Ronaldo is staying at Old Trafford. This is mostly good in the "oh, thank god that's over" sense. (As an aside, I have a confession to make: I don't really get the hoopla about tapping up players. You can't really stop people from talking to each other. What you can do is have contracts with steep penalties for breaking them. Yes?)

5. I am off on vacation for the next week. Not that you'd really notice, with the level of posting around here recently, but anyway.

Oh Ronniecakes

So now the walking, talking gel-monkey that is Cristiano Ronaldo has said publicly that he wants to move to Real Madrid. Let me tell you, this is about two things: money and ego. And the money, I think, is secondary to the ego.

Because despite whatever he may have said about it always having been his dream to play for Real, he's certainly not going there for footballing reasons. Real may be champions of Spain, but that's sort of by default, and they haven't got near the Champions League final in ages. You'll notice he's said absolutely nothing about wanting to move in order fulfill his ambitions and win trophies. No.

What he has said is that he wants to move provided that Real are willing to pay both him and Manchester United obscene amounts of money to make it happen. And I'm sure that Ronaldo would like very much to be paid twice as much as he is now, so he can go out and buy himself more black satin sheets and mirrors and whatnot. But what he'd like even more is to be the most expensive player in the world. Because if he's the most expensive, then he has to be the best, right? It's all about feeding that enormous ego.

So fine, whatever. If he wants to go that badly, then it's not worth trying to keep him. Ronaldo may not have learned this yet, but no player -- including him -- is irreplacable. Take Real Madrid for every penny of that 100 million pounds, and you can buy half a dozen young hotshots.

And then I hope that Manchester United meet Real Madrid in the quarter-finals of the Champions League, and the Galacticos get knocked out as usual. And then Ronniecakes can go home and cry on his mommy's shoulder.

Monday Randomness

• In news that surprised absolutely nobody, Cristiano Ronaldo won PFA Player of the Year for the second year in a row. Cesc Fabregas won Young Player of the Year, although Ronaldo was also nominated in that category. (Also, Cesc wants to eat your brains.)
  
  The team of the year, in full: David James, Bacary Sagna, Rio Ferdinand, Nemanja Vidic, Gael Clichy, Steven Gerrard, Cesc Fabregas, Cristiano Ronaldo, Ashley Young , Emmanuel Adebayor, Fernando Torres. It's an Arsenal-heavy lineup, which probably reflects the fact that they voted back in February -- i.e., before the Gunners' season went to shit. Still there aren't a lot of selections that I'd disagree with. I'm not sure about Sagna, but I can't think of anybody else who's really stood out at right-back. Also, Steven Gerrard apparently is going to get nominated every year, regardless of whether he's really in form, because he runs around and goes "RAAAAAAAR" a lot. I'm okay with that.
  
  
• Toronto FC have now won three games in a row, after a pretty convincing 2-0 victory over league leaders Kansas City on Saturday. Amado Guevara scored both goals -- the first one from a possibly offside position after a scramble in the box, the second a gorgeous free kick curled over the wall and into the corner. Incidentally, my sister and I decided that Guevara looks like a porcupine with his spiky hair -- although that was nothing compared to the amazing range of egregious hair-don'ts displayed by Kansas City.
  
  
• There's a rumour going around that MLSE, the company that owns Toronto FC, is looking into buying an English club. Tottenham is supposedly the most likely possibility, and I've also heard West Ham mentioned -- although this is all pure speculation. Just one word of advice, if they do decide to go through with it: Study what Hicks and Gillett have done with Liverpool, and then do the exact opposite of that.
  
  
• I think I've probably mentioned before how I have a soft spot for teams that play in red. Well, one of those teams happen to be Milan. (Meeeeeeeelan. I have to say it that way in my head every time.) Anyway, after kind of a shitty season, they have managed to drag themselves up the table and are now just two points back of Fiorentina in the race for fourth place and a spot in the Champions League next year. Pippo Inzaghi took a break from being continually offside to score a hat-trick against Livorno on Sunday, while Fiorentina almost pulled out a win against Sampdoria and then threw it away again. Ha.
  
  I don't want to get too optimistic, because the Milan derby is this weekend, and I'm sure Inter (boooo, hissss) are going to be out for blood. But still, I'm hoping that they'll pull this off somehow, and then they can convince Paolo Maldini to come back for another season. Come on boys, you can do it. You know Paolo's not going to hang around for the fucking UEFA Cup.

Shut up, Spain (and you too, Portugal)

If the entire Iberian peninsula could stop speculating about Cristiano Ronaldo moving to Barcelona and/or Real Madrid next season, I would really appreciate it.

I know they have to sell papers, but this is starting to remind me of that stupid, endless Steven-Gerrard-to-Chelsea-or-maybe-not saga. And we all know how much that sucked.

Plus, what's the attraction for Ronaldo in moving to La Liga right now? (Other than being able to work on his tan and practice falling over without people booing him all the time, of course.) First of all, he'd have to play second fiddle to Ronaldinho wherever he went. Plus, Barcelona and Real Madrid are both having a bit of a meltdown -- with Samuel Eto'o having a hissy fit at the Nou Camp, and Real turning to David Beckham of all people to restore their dignity -- and neither team even seems to be sure that they'll have the same manager next year.

United, on the other hand, are solidly on top of the Premiership, and he's probably been their player of the season. He couldn't ask for a better opportunity to not only win trophies but also make himself into an even bigger star.

(God, when did I start liking Ronaldo? I feel dirty now.)

I was expecting more fisticuffs on Boxing Day

Ashley Cole fucking up + Chelsea dropping points = sweet, delicious schadenfreude.

So much for Jose Mourinho's prediction that the Blues would be on top of the table by Boxing Day. Manchester United are still safely in first place, after beating Wigan 3-1. As I said over on OleOle, I've been happily surprised by how well they're doing this season, and I think a lot of it is because of Cristiano Ronaldo. I don't know if Sir Alex smacked him around after the World Cup or what, but whatever he did, it's working. Well done, Ronniecakes.

(Despite how much I love seeing United ahead of Chelsea, I can't get a lot of enjoyment out of the injury to John Terry. It's not that I like him -- I think he's kind of a dick, frankly -- but I know how much it sucks to be injured and not be able to play. And something chronic like a back injury, where you don't know how long it'll take to be back to 100%, is probably the worst kind. I was going to say, also, that I'd rather beat Chelsea in such a way that it gives Mourinho absolutely nothing to complain about, but on second thought that's not really possible. There's always something with him.)

As for Liverpool... *sigh*. They dominated the match against Blackburn, but they've gone back to being unable to score. A lot of those missed chances fell to Peter Crouch, which has revived the debate about why, for a big man, he's so bad at headers. Here's my theory, for your enlightenment: He's too tall.

I know, that seems counterintuitive. But bear with me. Crouch has probably always been the tallest player on the pitch, right? That means that he didn't really have to learn how to fight for the ball or focus on putting power on his headers. For most of his time as a footballer, it's been enough for him to just stand there and let the ball bounce randomly off his head. So now, coming up against more quality players when height alone isn't enough of an advantage, he doesn't have the instinctive reactions of somebody who's genuinely good in the air.

Why none of his coaches have figured this out and gotten him trained properly is another story, but I assume it's something along the same lines as Arsenal never doing shooting practice.

Boxing Day results:
Blackburn 1 - 0 Liverpool
Bolton 2 - 1 Newcastle
Chelsea 2 - 2 Reading
Everton 0 - 0 Middlesbrough
Manchester United 3 - 1 Wigan
Sheffield United 0 - 1 Manchester City
Tottenham 2 - 1 Aston Villa
Watford 1 - 2 Arsenal
West Ham 1 - 2 Portsmouth
Charlton 2 - 2 Fulham