Premiership Weekend Roundup: May 7

An excellent way to celebrate the end of the Premiership season: with the league losing its collective ever-loving mind. Woo.

Manchester United 4 - 0 Charlton
Ruud Van Nistelrooy had a hissy-fit after finding out that he wasn't in the starting lineup, and stormed out back to the stable before the game. Betting on whether he ends up at Milan, Juve, Barca or Real Madrid starts now.

Without him, meanwhile, United thumped Charlton to clinch second place and a guaranteed spot in the Champions League, which is great and all, but maybe it would have been even better if they hadn't left their not-sucking until so late in the season.


Arsenal 4 - 2 Wigan
Arsenal went down 2-1 in their last game at Highbury, before a hat-trick from Thierry Henry pulled out the win and let them squeak past Tottenham into fourth place. I'm still not a big Arsenal fan, but I have to admit to getting a little mushy at some of the pictures of the fans sitting in the empty stands.

Also, apparently there were giant papier-mache heads. I don't know.


West Ham 2 - 1 Tottenham
How bizarre is this: Pretty much the entire Spurs first team comes down with food poisoning before the game, the ones who are able to stand up lurch to a 2-1 loss to the Hammers, and Spurs have to settle for the UEFA Cup next year, after being in the Champions League places for, like, the past six months. No word yet on rumours that a grey squirrel was seen in the kitchen of the team hotel the night before.


Portsmouth 1 - 3 Liverpool
Liverpool's win didn't mean much, seeing as United won too, but it's nice to see their strikers still remember how to score. Less nice was seeing Xabi Alonso stretchered off with a sprained ankle before half-time. OMG don't be broken, baby! Anyway, things are looking good for them next season, provided they can find someone to play up front with Crouch. I wonder if they could get enough for Cisse to bring Michael Owen home?


Newcastle 1 - 0 Chelsea
Newcastle have qualified for Europe next season (sort of; as YNBA put it, it's "maybe crappy Europe") and finished the season in seventh by beating Chelsea -- despite going a man down -- thanks to a goal from, of all people, Titus Bramble. Yes, really.


Oh, and there were some other games too:
Aston Villa 2 - 1 Sunderland
Blackburn 2 - 0 Manchester City
Bolton 1 - 0 Birmingham
Everton 2 - 2 West Brom
Fulham 1 - 0 Middlesbrough