Heeeeeeeee.

From Football365.com:

Joe Cole has reportedly suffered a savage beating after trying to chat up Page 3 girl Keeley Hazell.... Cole’s shirt was reportedly ripped off in the struggle, and along the way he also managed to lose his mobile phone and money. And also, somewhat more unfathomably, his shoes.

It's good to know I'm not alone in my desire to smack around a few members of the Chelsea starting XI.

Plus, this gives you the chance to play compare and contrast between the versions of the story in the Sun and the Times. Guess which one features a picture of a topless girl?