Sex, dives, and videotape

Football news that amused and/or disturbed me this week:

Brazil's coach is encouraging his players to have sex at the World Cup:

"I don't think that sex one day before the game will have any harm on the player. Just sex, no problem. The problem is, they don't eat, they don't sleep, they smoke and they drink. That is the problem. Sex? No, sex is always very good -- always welcome."

He continued,

"Psychologists say it is very important in the dressing room and coming from the hotel to the stadium that you do something with your hands, with your mouth."

Um, ok then. Let's remember that this is the team with Ronaldo and Ronaldinho. I really don't need those pictures in my head.

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The English FA is pushing FIFA to use video replays to crack down on diving.

This could make players like Didier Drogba a little nervous. But Claude Makalele has stepped forward to defend his teammate.

"Didier is being badly treated but like the rest of us he is prepared to stand up like a man and take it on the chin."

Yes, if by that you mean "fall down spectacularly if you breathe on him wrong." Possibly something got lost in translation.

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Scott Parker has been diagnosed with glandular fever, which I'm pretty sure is British for mono, and will be out for the rest of the season. So much for my "Scott Parker for England" campaign.

And does he have the worst luck ever or what? First he gets sold to Chelsea, spends most of the season either on the bench or out injured, then he gets shunted off to Newcastle, and now this. Glenn Hoddle would probably say he's paying for his sins in a previous life.

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Rumour has it that Andriy Shevchenko has agreed to a deal that would take him to Chelsea this summer. Or maybe not. I really hope it's not true. First of all, the only thing that Chelsea have been missing is a truly world-class striker (no, Drogba doesn't count), and they certainly don't need to be any more dominant in the Premiership than they already are. Plus, I kind of like Shevchenko and I don't want him to be tainted with the Evil. Just say no to dirty Russian oil money, y'all.

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Becks thinks that Sven-Goran Eriksson would be a great choice to take over as coach of Real Madrid.

"Sven is one of the best managers around and his name was bound to come into the equation. I think he would work well. He has been the English manager for five years and has handled the pressures there so I'm sure he can handle it wherever he manages. One of his biggest qualities is his man-management - the way he treats the players and what he gets out of the players. He gives the players a lot of respect."

Meanwhile, somewhere in England, Sven is doodling "Mrs S.G. Beckham" on his Trapper-Keeper notebook.