I want some of whatever Sir Alex is smoking

I've decided that the judicious use of illicit drugs is probably the best way to get through the pre-season. It would certainly make it much easier to watch Wayne Rooney getting sent off yet again and Liverpool losing to a team of insects in Liechtenstein, or whoever they were.

On the other hand, at least they're not losing to an MLS team. *couchChelseacough*

Drugs, also, are the best explanation I can come up with for Sir Alex's approach to the transfer window. He sells Ruud van Nistelrooy, with his guaranteed 20 goals a year -- not to mention his priceless ability to piss off Cristiano Ronaldo -- for £10 million. And then spends £18 million on Michael Carrick, who has been rather accurately described as the poor man's Xabi Alonso. Now, I do think that Carrick is a good player, but there's no way that he's worth £18 million.

And it still doesn't solve all the problems in the United midfield -- number one being the lack of anyone who knows how to tackle.* (Speaking of which: I read a comment somewhere recently that said Paul Scholes was a defensive midfielder. I'm still boggling at that one.) Marcos Senna is the name that seems to come up most frequently to fill that role, but like Carrick, I think he's a good but not a great player. He's also 30 years old already, which means he's only a temporary solution at best. But United don't have the money to get anyone better, because they've blown so much of the budget on Carrick.

Meanwhile, with Van Nistelrooy gone to Real Madrid, so that he can canter around in the penalty box and wait for Beckham to bounce crosses off his head, United's options up front are:

• Wayne Rooney -- At this rate, is getting sent off more often than he scores.
  
• Louis Saha -- Apparently breaks if you breathe on him wrong.
  
• Alan Smith -- Still recovering from a nasty injury, and last we saw of him, was unsuccessfully being turned into a midfielder.
  
• Ole Gunnar Solskjaer -- Rapidly approaching retirement age. Also seems to break easily.
  
• Giuseppe Rossi -- Has been scoring like crazy for the reserves, but who knows if he'll succeed in the senior team. Also liable to get stepped on.

There's a lineup that'll strike fear into opposing defences, eh?

It's not easy being a United fan sometimes, let me tell you. At least at Liverpool they've restricted the craziness to signing every convict they could get their hands on.

*Number two is Darren Fletcher