Thursday, March 15, 2007

This just in: the people who run football are morons

I mentioned a couple weeks ago that FIFA was going to be ruling on that girl in Quebec who wanted to wear a hijab while she played. Well, they've debated the issue, and have made the bold decision to...do nothing. Apparently they think the rule is just fine on its own. Clearly it's not, since different jurisdictions are interpreting it in completely different ways. But hey, they haven't bothered to sort out the offside rule either, so way to go, you bureaucratic twits.

To be fair, the powers that be do have some decent ideas occasionally. They're finally making progress on the idea of goal-line technology, albeit at a glacial pace. And they're continuing the crackdown on diving. Yeah, because it's all been going so well this far. (I suppose the problem with retrospective video evidence and whatnot is how to impose sanctions. I was going to suggest some kind of website where clips of the worst offenders are shown and held up for public ridicule. But then I realized that Youtube already exists.)

And most of their other ideas recently have been idiotic. Like giving players a straight red card for elbowing, or a yellow card for celebrating a goal. Just wait for the next set of proposed changes, which will include the following:

  1. All players must play wrapped in no less than two (2) layers of bubble wrap, to minimize the risk of injury.
  2. Players are forbidden to smile at the opposing players, fans, or small children, as it may offend and/or frighten them deeply. (This goes double for any players whose last name is Neville.)
  3. Teams will receive double the points for any wins during months that end in "y".
Yeah, you'd think I'm joking about that last one. But let's not forget the latest brainwave: The Football League's proposal to eliminate draws and replace them with penalty shootouts, which has been met with widespread howls of derision. They introduced something similar in the NHL a couple years ago; I thought it was a stupid idea then and I think it's even stupider now. Sure, it would be nice if not quite so many games ended in a draw, but there has to be a better way to do that. I hate the idea of games being decided on penalties. Well, of course I would -- I'm an England fan.

1 comment:

Jones said...

"You know what's wrong with football? It occasionally involves a modicum of human emotion. Let's do something about that. And let's get rid of draws while we're at it. Everyone loves penalties, so let's have more of those."

Cue my horrified speechless flailing.