"Stop being on my side! You're making my side look stupid!"

Of course now everyone is leaping to support Beckham after his sending-off on Sunday.

His Real Madrid teammate Pablo Garcia says the problem is that Becks is just too darn pretty. (Um, not with that hair, he's not.)

"I can't understand what the problem was," García insisted. "I doubt he said anything because Beckham doesn't speak Spanish that well - I can barely understand him on the pitch. I don't know why Beckham got sent off. Maybe it's because he's blonde and pretty - the referee is capable of sending him off for that."

Ah yes, the "Y'ALL JUS' JELLUS" defence. A classic.

Meanwhile, Sven-Goran Eriksson insists that despite the red card, Beckham will captain England at the World Cup.

"I have not spoken to him about the dismissal on Sunday. I don't know what happened but you do get sent off in football."

Well, that's good. You certainly wouldn't want a little thing like finding out what actually happened to get in the way of your quest to kiss every square inch of Beckham's ass, eh Sven?