I...have no words, really

Wow. I go away for two days and the footballing world goes batshit insane.

Steven Gerrard is being terrorized by gangsters.

John Terry is getting off with teenagers in parking lots.

And somebody bugged the United dressing room during their game against Chelsea.

(You have to love the British tabloids, eh?)

Oh, and in news actually related to happenings on the pitch, England beat Argentina 3-2 in a pre-World Cup friendly. Thanks to -- get this -- two headers from Michael Owen. Who needs Peter Crouch when you have little Mikey beating defenders in the air.