Things I don't understand about football

No, I'm not talking about how you tell if a player in an offside position is active or passive or subjunctive or whatever, because frankly I'm not sure if the referees understand that either. I'm talking about the really important stuff:

1. What's with all the players taping their socks? They have jerseys made of space-age moisture-wicking material, kangaroo leather boots with special counterweights in the sole, Adidas reinvents the football every four years just for the hell of it, but you're telling me nobody can come up with socks that stay up on their own?

2. What is the point of having both the League Cup and the FA Cup? I know the League Cup is only for teams in the Football League whereas the FA Cup is essentially "any 11 guys who can come up with matching shirts and socks." But the better teams get a bye to the later rounds of the FA Cup anyway -- and they pretty much always win the damn thing -- while nobody seems to care that much about the League Cup. So why can't they just merge the two? Aside from the obvious reason that it gives teams an extra chance at silverware (like United, when they get knocked out of Europe way too goddamn early, bah!).

3. Football is a sport that involves running around outside in shorts. So who decided it made sense for teams in Europe to play through the winter? We don't do that in Canada -- football is a summer sport, and we spend the winter chasing a little rubber disc around a sheet of ice and bashing each other with sticks. Which is much more sensible, really.

4. Does David Beckham actually think his hair looks good like that? (It doesn't matter "like what?" Like just about any hairstyle he's ever had, that's what.)

5. Actually, on the subject of rules, I've never managed to figure out when a free kick is direct or indirect. I mean, I can tell the difference by the way the free kick is taken -- indirect: they do that fancy tap and roll thing; direct: they blast it straight at the wall -- but how does the referee decide which it is? Enlighten me, please.