Wednesday, June 07, 2006

The England World Cup Drinking Game

Inspired by a conversation with YNBA. Because god knows that those of us cheering for England are going to need a lot of alcohol to get through the next month.

You know how this works -- while watching England at the World Cup, take a drink if any of the following happens:

Before the game

  • They drop the coin during the coin toss
  • Michael Owen is only marginally taller than the mascot
  • At least half of the England players appear to have forgotten the words to the national anthem
  • Gary Neville looks Very Very Serious
  • But the effect is somewhat ruined because he seems to have a piece of lint on his upper lip
  • There's a shot of a fat, shirtless man in the stands with St. George's cross painted on his body
  • It's Wayne Rooney (CHUG)

During the game
  • David Beckham gets booked for a stupid tackle
  • Wayne Rooney gets booked for mouthing off to the referee
  • Even if he's not on the pitch (two drinks)
  • You forget that Frank Lampard is actually playing
  • Until he scores from a lucky deflection
  • Steven Gerrard flails his arms, sticks his tongue out, stuffs his shirt in his mouth, or otherwise acts like a hyperactive five-year-old
  • John Terry pulls his socks up over his knees
  • Rio Ferdinand attempts to dribble out of defence and gives the ball away instead
  • An England player dives in the 18-yard box
  • The commentators immediately leap to defend him (two drinks)
  • England miss the resulting penalty (CHUG)

England score, and
  • David Beckham jumps on his teammates as photogenically as humanly possible
  • Frank Lampard kisses his ring and looks incredibly smug
  • Joe Cole takes his shirt off
  • And gets booked for it (two drinks)
  • Peter Crouch does the robot
  • Any other England player does the robot (CHUG)

The commentators
  • Anyone mentions the word "metatarsal"
  • Anyone mentions 1966
  • They note that Peter Crouch has a good touch for a big man
  • Or any variation thereof
  • They note that John Terry scores a lot for a defender
  • One of the commentators mispronounces a player's name
  • It's an England player (two drinks)
  • You consider switching over to the Spanish commentary, because it couldn't possibly be worse (CHUG)

On the sidelines
  • Steve McClaren appears to have turned the same colour as the England away jerseys
  • Sven has an actual facial expression
  • They make a dumbassed substitution
  • It's Owen Hargreaves (DRINK, AND DON'T STOP)

2 comments:

anti said...

Great blog you have here footie girl. Drop me an email at arsenal.wtf at gmail dot com please, I have a proposition for you.

Cheers.
Dont forget the "." between Arsenal and wtf

brookster said...

Excellent. We're going to be using this one this weekend, I've already passed it round the office! :)