Wednesday, June 07, 2006

The England World Cup Drinking Game

Inspired by a conversation with YNBA. Because god knows that those of us cheering for England are going to need a lot of alcohol to get through the next month.

You know how this works -- while watching England at the World Cup, take a drink if any of the following happens:

Before the game

  • They drop the coin during the coin toss
  • Michael Owen is only marginally taller than the mascot
  • At least half of the England players appear to have forgotten the words to the national anthem
  • Gary Neville looks Very Very Serious
  • But the effect is somewhat ruined because he seems to have a piece of lint on his upper lip
  • There's a shot of a fat, shirtless man in the stands with St. George's cross painted on his body
  • It's Wayne Rooney (CHUG)

During the game
  • David Beckham gets booked for a stupid tackle
  • Wayne Rooney gets booked for mouthing off to the referee
  • Even if he's not on the pitch (two drinks)
  • You forget that Frank Lampard is actually playing
  • Until he scores from a lucky deflection
  • Steven Gerrard flails his arms, sticks his tongue out, stuffs his shirt in his mouth, or otherwise acts like a hyperactive five-year-old
  • John Terry pulls his socks up over his knees
  • Rio Ferdinand attempts to dribble out of defence and gives the ball away instead
  • An England player dives in the 18-yard box
  • The commentators immediately leap to defend him (two drinks)
  • England miss the resulting penalty (CHUG)

England score, and
  • David Beckham jumps on his teammates as photogenically as humanly possible
  • Frank Lampard kisses his ring and looks incredibly smug
  • Joe Cole takes his shirt off
  • And gets booked for it (two drinks)
  • Peter Crouch does the robot
  • Any other England player does the robot (CHUG)

The commentators
  • Anyone mentions the word "metatarsal"
  • Anyone mentions 1966
  • They note that Peter Crouch has a good touch for a big man
  • Or any variation thereof
  • They note that John Terry scores a lot for a defender
  • One of the commentators mispronounces a player's name
  • It's an England player (two drinks)
  • You consider switching over to the Spanish commentary, because it couldn't possibly be worse (CHUG)

On the sidelines
  • Steve McClaren appears to have turned the same colour as the England away jerseys
  • Sven has an actual facial expression
  • They make a dumbassed substitution
  • It's Owen Hargreaves (DRINK, AND DON'T STOP)


anti said...

Great blog you have here footie girl. Drop me an email at at gmail dot com please, I have a proposition for you.

Dont forget the "." between Arsenal and wtf

brookster said...

Excellent. We're going to be using this one this weekend, I've already passed it round the office! :)