The England World Cup Drinking Game

Inspired by a conversation with YNBA. Because god knows that those of us cheering for England are going to need a lot of alcohol to get through the next month.

You know how this works -- while watching England at the World Cup, take a drink if any of the following happens:

Before the game

• They drop the coin during the coin toss
  
• Michael Owen is only marginally taller than the mascot
  
• At least half of the England players appear to have forgotten the words to the national anthem
  
• Gary Neville looks Very Very Serious
  
• But the effect is somewhat ruined because he seems to have a piece of lint on his upper lip
  
• There's a shot of a fat, shirtless man in the stands with St. George's cross painted on his body
  
• It's Wayne Rooney (CHUG)

During the game

• David Beckham gets booked for a stupid tackle
  
• Wayne Rooney gets booked for mouthing off to the referee
  
• Even if he's not on the pitch (two drinks)
  
• You forget that Frank Lampard is actually playing
  
• Until he scores from a lucky deflection
  
• Steven Gerrard flails his arms, sticks his tongue out, stuffs his shirt in his mouth, or otherwise acts like a hyperactive five-year-old
  
• John Terry pulls his socks up over his knees
  
• Rio Ferdinand attempts to dribble out of defence and gives the ball away instead
  
• An England player dives in the 18-yard box
  
• The commentators immediately leap to defend him (two drinks)
  
• England miss the resulting penalty (CHUG)

England score, and

• David Beckham jumps on his teammates as photogenically as humanly possible
  
• Frank Lampard kisses his ring and looks incredibly smug
  
• Joe Cole takes his shirt off
  
• And gets booked for it (two drinks)
  
• Peter Crouch does the robot
  
• Any other England player does the robot (CHUG)

The commentators

• Anyone mentions the word "metatarsal"
  
• Anyone mentions 1966
  
• They note that Peter Crouch has a good touch for a big man
  
• Or any variation thereof
  
• They note that John Terry scores a lot for a defender
  
• One of the commentators mispronounces a player's name
  
• It's an England player (two drinks)
  
• You consider switching over to the Spanish commentary, because it couldn't possibly be worse (CHUG)

On the sidelines

• Steve McClaren appears to have turned the same colour as the England away jerseys
  
• Sven has an actual facial expression
  
• They make a dumbassed substitution
  
• It's Owen Hargreaves (DRINK, AND DON'T STOP)